Chapter 11 (1/2)

Chapter 11: There is a spirit called YY*

*[YY also means to fantasize]

I had experienced Xu Wei Yu’s fantasizing spirit long ago but to tell the truth, compared to my university dorm mates, his was still somewhat ‘inferior’.

1. YY men

During our time in the university dorms, our three main topics were: money, including robbing banks, fortunetelling and calculating the lottery with horoscopes; men, including reality and fantasy; time travelling, including the Jura.s.sic Period and how to save the world in 2012.

The first recorded topic is, men.

In our dorm, topics about men were always started by the Dorm Leader.

She usually thought about it then lay on the bed with her arms and legs sprawled open before shouting, “Lan Lan, bring on a man!”

All kinds of vulgar.

Lan Lan would usually be playing games and without turning her head, “What kind of taste this time?”

Dorm Leader: “Delicate and pretty.”

Lan Lan: “Okay! One delicate and pretty for bed no 4!”

This was still considered good. Many times when we walked in the streets, Dorm Leader would suddenly point at a profile in the front and say, “That one in front, that one in front, I want that one in the front!”

That was the most vulgar expression and tone I’ve ever seen.

Expert: “This one really is quite good.”

Lan Lan: “Tch, then let Qing Xi go get him? We’ll move after seeing him clearly. Dorm Leader, outside goods cost three times as much ah.”

Dorm Leader: “Don’t worry, sis has money!”

Me: “Why do I have to take the lead?”

Lan Lan: “Because your sense of presence is weak.”

Me: “……”

Lan Lan: “Look ah, Expert doesn’t go out without looking like a ghost, Dorm Leader is too vulgar and my murderous intent is too strong whereas, you don’t have the potential of attacking, your looks are average and the atmosphere around you is calm. Even if you walk around him twice, he still might not notice you so don’t worry, go!”

Me: “……”

Expert: “Do I knock him unconscious? And Ah Lan, you drag him back to the dorm?”

Dorm Leader: “Then I’ll go on the bed to wait ha!”

Lan Lan: “Come back! Dorm Leader, that person is a bit too tall, I reckon we won’t be able to drag him back. Let’s talk it over, can you just settle it outside? No big deal, we can just halve the price.”

Dorm Leader acted bashful, “Field operation? I’m too shy ah, I’m still a virgin.”

Lan Lan: “Tch, okay big maiden, if it’s like this then we can only let Qing Xi help pull a leg.”

I……

Lan Lan: “Don’t worry Qing Xi, I will give you higher wages.”

It officially started, half real half YY. I only needed to go up and listen to what they were saying, it was best if I could hear what that guy was called, come back to report it and my mission would be considered finished.

However, as soon as the me who supposedly could walk twice around him and not be spotted walked over, with ten meters still between us, that person turned his head and saw me then stared at me.

When I calmly decided to walk around, he greeted me, “Hi, Gu Qing Xi, are you going to cla.s.s?”

“No……I just finished cla.s.s.”

“Mhm, I’m going to cla.s.s. When you’re free, come and eat with me.”

“……Sure.”

That person walked off with his cla.s.smates, Dorm Leader and the others ran over to ask me, “Who is that person? Qing Xi you know him?”

“I don’t know him.”

Til today, I still don’t remember who that person was.

2. YY time travel.

Dorm Leader: “In this era, if it’s not fantasizing about time traveling to the palace then it’s fantasizing about time traveling to a fort, it’s too boring! I say that if I can choose, I’ll definitely choose to time travel to the age of dinosaurs.”

Lan Lan whose interest was waning immediately became interested, “This is good, I like it! When do we go, I’ll go and prepare!”

Plastic surgery expert: “I’ll bring some sunblock and it’s best to bring an umbrella too. Oh, my tent, healthcare products, beauty products!”

Dorm Leader: “That side is filled with dinosaurs, real dinosaurs, who will look at your face ah.”

Me: “Can I not go……Next week I have my level 6 exams.”

Dorm Leader: “Is level six important or dinosaurs important!?”

They don’t have a point of comparison though?

Finally, I still went time travelling.

Gobi Desert ah, goshawks ah, sand dunes ah, scorching sun ah, devastation everywhere ah.

Who chose this place ah?

Dorm Leader: “I chose it, of course we need to choose somewhere challenging! Should we choose a beautiful place to compose a song with the T-rex, ‘only envy dinosaurs don’t envy G.o.ds?’ ”

Lan Lan: “Boss, you’re too vulgar.”

Plastic Surgery Expert: “Enough enough, we’re already here! There is a cave over there, I’ll go and see if it can be turned into our den?” Expert gracefully went over, pulling a pink suitcase along.

I put my stuff down, I only carried a bag and inside was food and a level six test paper.

Me: “What do we do next?”

Dorm Leader looked around with a pair of binoculars, “Why are there no dinosaurs ah? There seems to be a steep cliff over there, I’ll go and look, Qing Xi do you want to come too?”

“I’m so tired, I’ll sit for a while, you guys go.” I sat on a large rock in the shadows right away.

Dorm Leader: “You just came but you’re tired already!? Fine, I’ll go with Lan Lan, don’t wander off ah. Wahahaha I’ll definitely be the first person to see dinosaurs!”

Lan Lan gave me her luggage bag. Dorm Leader only carried along an army knife along with binoculars and a torch.

I sat there and looked around, it was still desolate.

Thus, I started doing the test paper……

N time later.

I saw Lan Lan rus.h.i.+ng madly towards me, kicking up the dust behind her.

Lan Lan: “Qing Xi! There are handsome guys!”

I resisted the impulse to swear and broke off the YY.

“Dorm Leader, didn’t we YY to the Gobi Desert because you only wanted to see dinosaurs and not handsome men?”

Dorm Leader lay on the bed and gracefully turned to her side, her bottom facing me.

“Aye, I thought about it and there can’t not be any handsome men ah, even in the age of dinosaurs. Moreover, they’ve also come in a group to see the dinosaurs and meeting them is just ‘ape s.h.i.+t’*”.

*[The pinyin for ‘ape s.h.i.+t’ also sounds like ‘fate’]

Fine, there’s not much difference between doing level six in the Gobi Desert or on the desk in the dorm anyway.

Returned to Gobi Desert, YY continues.

Lan Lan panted and pointed at the steep cliff, “Just then Dorm Leader and I ran over to the steep cliff and saw people being attacked by Pterosaurs! We were both very surprised, there are three reasons for being surprised: first, there are actually real dinosaurs! Second, there are actually people! Three, f.u.c.k, they’re actually handsome guys! Ah Dorm immediately took out her torch and shone it on the dinosaurs, s.h.i.+ne one die one! We saved the handsome guy group! It’s currently like this. I ran over here first to tell you, what should we do next?

Me: “Wait, isn’t that……just a torch?”

Lan Lan: “Dorm Leader said that it’s a torch that can be converted into a laser gun, it’s called arousing* torch for short……Qing Xi what’s wrong? Are you okay!”

*[Laser= ji guang (激光). The ji (激) can also mean arousing/stimulating]

“I’m not sure why I suddenly feel a bit disgusted and nauseous?”

“Are you pregnant? What to do what to do? Young Master Xu is currently hundreds of millions of years away in Germany! How do we contact him?”

“……”

When we went back, Expert had already cleaned up the cave (it was originally dull inside). She had put up the tent and put a pink bed sheet as a mat beside the tent.

In the front was a small chair and on it was a lit candle. Expert was currently on the bed sheet doing yoga!

It suddenly felt like we were time travelling back to the present.

Sure enough, Dorm Leader was shocked and immediately came back, “Expert, must you be doing exercises right now! We are currently in the age of dinosaurs! Age of dinosaurs! Please put in a bit more professionalism OK?!”