Part 10 (2/2)

At times I would be almost free from it, but very much of the time I seemed to have a peculiar faculty of finding the mote in the eyes of others and was never aware of the beam in my own eye. I could see so much to pick at in some brethren that there was no time left for me to step aside and occasionally take myself into account and see myself as others saw me. I thought I could conduct some affairs over which others had charge, so much better than they were being conducted, that I was at times uncomfortable because I did not have a chance to show what I could do. It is needless to say that during the time that I was a prey to this wicked spirit, I had little, if any, spiritual life; but I tried to convince myself that I was doing quite well. There was, however, a blank or a real lack in my Christian life, because I had not learned to be an ideal Christian in humility before G.o.d and meekness towards my fellow men.

As soon as I pa.s.sed through enough sad experiences to make me the happy possessor of a willing spirit, I began to realize that I was learning the necessary lessons and through these trials and tribulations I began to have a little understanding of the cause and root of my trouble.

There were three happenings that aided in awakening me to my need. The first one was a few years ago, when I received from a brother a letter in which he said, ”Brother, you need continuity.” That reproof found its place in my heart, and the first seed was sown toward a harvest of willingness. Although it brought no immediate results, yet it stayed by me and was very prominent before me many times.

The second lesson was brought to me through a sermon. The sister who delivered the sermon related the experience of a brother who had years of difficulty in regard to finding fault with others, and who finally concluded that the trouble was more with him than with those he criticized. I began to see my own case a little clearer, but I did not fully learn the lesson until sometime later.

My third lesson came in the following manner: A brother in whom I had some confidence came to my home and asked for a position, which I secured for him. We admitted him into our home for his comfort as well as for our pleasure spiritually, as we supposed he would be a help to us. It was not long, however, until it seemed there was nothing that escaped his faultfinding. He saw mountains of fault with us and our children. At last I saw in his case a picture of what I myself had done during the past, but I had banished from my life all thoughts of ever again being influenced by such a faultfinding spirit. Never before had I been able to see the picture of my former condition as I saw it when fully manifested in the life of this brother.

Although it had been my desire and no doubt his full intention to do what was right, nevertheless this evil habit, if I may call it such, had gained such a foothold in my life and in his life as to be a hindrance to our own spiritual progress and a stumbling-block in the way of others. This habit of faultfinding by those who are claiming to be children of G.o.d has caused them to wander from the true paths of righteousness into forbidden paths, and also to turn many others from the path that leads to everlasting life.

It is with much grat.i.tude to G.o.d that I undertake to tell of my deliverance from that great barrier and hindrance to my spiritual progress. When I came to the point where I humbled my heart before the Lord and let him turn the searchlight upon me, the faults in others were not so great, but mine had seemed to climb mountain high. It was with a determination and positive decision to turn from such things; and the Lord, understanding my intentions in regard to those things, took note of my humility of heart and delivered me, for which I give him all the praise and glory. May the dear Lord help us all to bear with each other, and forbear complaining, even though it may at times seem necessary.

I am sure it will bring about a great measure of the grace of G.o.d.

Help from G.o.d in Fiery Trials

EXPERIENCE NUMBER 15

When I think of the great mercy and love of G.o.d that follows after a soul and remember that he knows all about the thoughts and intents of the heart, truly I stand in awe before him. Since he knows all and has all power, can we not trust him when we give ourselves into his hands to be molded into his image to s.h.i.+ne for him?

”Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father.” Every one who will give all into his hands will be brought through the fire, according to Zech. 13:9--”And I will bring a third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my G.o.d.”

In telling some experiences in the furnace-flames, I wish to lose sight of everything except to be a help and encouragement to those who are in trial.

In writing my experience, I shall find it necessary to make mention of some of the sad things concerning my husband, a fact which I very much regret. But I trust that dear souls will take warning and realize that there is no limit to the work of the enemy when once he gains possession. I shall never cease to be thankful for the first copies of a paper called the Gospel Trumpet I ever saw. Through my reading them, conviction was sent to my soul by the Spirit of G.o.d; but being unwilling to meet the necessary conditions, I resisted the convictions and put the papers aside.

Some months afterwards while searching for something, I came across those papers, and immediately that same conviction returned, but again I resisted it. My health failed, and I continued to decline until I was almost in the jaws of death. Physicians could do nothing for me. During this time G.o.d was doing his best to get me to understand that if I would give up he would save and heal me. At last I yielded, and he saved my soul and healed me, and from that day until this, which has been more than eighteen years, I have been fascinated by the charms of a Christian life.

THE BEGINNING OF PERSECUTIONS

For a long time I did not meet with any persecution in my home, as my husband saw the light of the gospel and believed it to be the truth, but was not willing to walk in it. G.o.d followed after him with love and long-suffering. Time after time he resisted the conviction, but finally the Spirit succeeded in breaking up his heart and showed him what he must do to make his wrongs right. He began making a profession of religion, but refused to make all his wrongs right, and in a short time the enemy took possession of him, whereupon he turned against G.o.d and against me, and grew worse and worse.

Now the furnace-flames became hot. He was restless and could not be content to stay anywhere very long at a time, and everywhere we went he set about to turn the people against me by telling untruths to gain sympathy. He was very cruel to the children and me.

After we moved to a small town in northern Kansas, these words came vividly to my mind: ”Fear none of those things which shall come upon thee.” With the cruelty and persecution came a severe affliction. Two doctors p.r.o.nounced it tuberculosis in the knee-joint. It was so serious that I could not bear to be moved, and when I sat in a rocking-chair I was obliged to have something under the rocker to keep the chair from moving. The thoughts of any one's coming near my knee made the pains go through my limb. At times I was able to walk some on crutches by being careful. My leg was swollen from above the knee down. At night I had to lie upon my back with pillows under my knee, and I could move neither to the right nor to the left, and sometimes just to cough a little caused almost unendurable pain.

All this happened during the months before a baby girl was born. My family and neighbors did not expect me to live, but G.o.d stood by me and gave me this a.s.surance: that as the children of Israel faced the Red Sea with no possible way of crossing, and he divided the waters and let them pa.s.s through, so he would in like manner help me. Oh, it was precious to trust him!

Just about a week before the child was born, the excruciating pain left my knee, but upon my recovery it came back seemingly worse than ever.

About three months later the Lord healed the disease, which has never returned. However, I was left a cripple, and have had to use crutches ever since that time.

At this time I had eight children. Two grown boys had gone from home, leaving me to care for the other six. I had a great desire to rear them for G.o.d. Thus far I had spent most of my Christian life in isolated places, where I was deprived of church privileges. It seemed that all the hosts of darkness were united against my determination to rear my children under Christian influence. Although I had many things to learn regarding how to do this, yet G.o.d was patient in teaching me.

Once when an awful discouragement tried to settle down over me, and it seemed there was no material to work on, I was comforted through the impression that came to me in the words, ”G.o.d can take a worm and thresh a mountain,” and I have never forgotten these words, the thought of which is expressed by the prophet in Isa. 41:14, 15. I felt that some who opposed me would be glad for me to die so that they could get the children from my influence. Once my husband was threatened with arrest for cruelty, and I feared that my children would be taken from me and placed among my opposers, as one woman had said there were plenty of homes for them. Then the scene of Christ before Pilate came before me and this scripture: ”Thou couldest have no power at all against me, except it were given thee from above.” At the same time one of the organ-keys was down, and we were unable to repair it; so I said, ”We will trust the Lord to fix it.” When the above-mentioned scripture came to me, the organ-key raised of its own accord, and I said, ”Is there anything like that in the Bible?” and quickly came the answer: ”The gate opened of its own accord when Peter went out.” Joy filled my soul as I realized that the mighty G.o.d of heaven was my helper.

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