Part 8 (1/2)

x.x.xVI.

Annales Volusi, cacata charta, Votum solvite pro mea puella: Nam sanctae Veneri Cupidinique Vovit, si sibi rest.i.tutus essem Desissemque truces vibrare iambos, 5 Electissima pessimi poetae Scripta tardipedi deo daturam Infelicibus ustulanda lignis.

Et haec pessima se puella vidit Iocose lepide vovere divis. 10 Nunc, o caeruleo creata ponto, Quae sanctum Idalium Vriosque portus Quaeque Ancona Cnidumque harundinosam Colis quaeque Amathunta quaeque Golgos Quaeque Durrachium Adriae tabernam, 15 Acceptum face redditumque votum, Si non inlepidum neque invenustumst.

At vos interea venite in ignem, Pleni ruris et inficetiarum Annales Volusi, cacata charta. 20

x.x.xVI.

ON ”THE ANNALS”--A SO-CALLED POEM OF VOLUSIUS.

Volusius' Annals, paper sc.u.m-bewrayed!

Fulfil that promise erst my damsel made; Who vowed to Holy Venus and her son, Cupid, should I return to her anon And cease to brandish iamb-lines accurst, 5 The writ selected erst of bards the worst She to the limping G.o.dhead would devote With slowly-burning wood of illest note.

This was the vilest which my girl could find With vow facetious to the G.o.ds a.s.signed. 10 Now, O Creation of the azure sea, Holy Idalium, Urian havenry Haunting, Ancona, Cnidos' reedy site, Amathus, Golgos, and the tavern hight Durrachium--thine Adrian abode-- 15 The vow accepting, recognize the vowed As not unworthy and unhandsome naught.

But do ye meanwhile to the fire be brought, That teem with boorish jest of sorry blade, Volusius' Annals, paper sc.u.m-bewrayed. 20

Volusius' Annals, merdous paper, fulfil ye a vow for my girl: for she vowed to sacred Venus and to Cupid that if I were re-united to her and I desisted hurling savage iambics, she would give the most elect writings of the pettiest poet to the tardy-footed G.o.d to be burned with ill-omened wood.

And _this_ the saucy minx chose, jocosely and drolly to vow to the G.o.ds.

Now, O Creation of the cerulean main, who art in sacred Idalium, and in Urian haven, and who doth foster Ancona and reedy Cnidos, Amathus and Golgos, and Dyrrhachium, Adriatic tavern, accept and acknowledge this vow if it lack not grace nor charm. But meantime, hence with ye to the flames, crammed with boorish speech and vapid, Annals of Volusius, merdous paper.

x.x.xVII.

Salax taberna vosque contubernales, A pileatis nona fratribus pila, Solis putatis esse mentulas vobis, Solis licere, quidquid est puellarum, Confutuere et putare ceteros hircos? 5 An, continenter quod sedetis insulsi Centum an ducenti, non putatis ausurum Me una ducentos inrumare sessores?

Atqui putate: namque totius vobis Frontem tabernae scorpionibus scribam. 10 Puella nam mi, quae meo sinu fugit, Amata tantum quantum amabitur nulla, Pro qua mihi sunt magna bella pugnata, Consedit istic. hanc boni beatique Omnes amatis, et quidem, quod indignumst, 15 Omnes pusilli et semitarii moechi; Tu praeter omnes une de capillatis, Cuniculosae Celtiberiae fili Egnati, opaca quem bonum facit barba Et dens Hibera defricatus urina. 20

x.x.xVII.

TO THE FREQUENTERS OF A LOW TAVERN.

Salacious Tavern and ye taverner-host, From Pileate Brothers the ninth pile-post, D'ye claim, you only of the mentule boast, D'ye claim alone what damsels be the best To swive: as he-goats holding all the rest? 5 Is't when like b.o.o.bies sit ye incontinent here, One or two hundred, deem ye that I fear Two hundred ---- at one brunt?

Ay, think so, natheless all your tavern-front With many a scorpion I will over-write. 10 For that my damsel, fro' my breast took flight, By me so loved, as shall loved be none, Wherefor so mighty wars were waged and won, Does sit in public here. Ye fain, rich wights, All woo her: thither too (the chief of slights!) 15 All pitiful knaves and by-street wenchers fare, And thou, (than any worse), with hanging hair, In coney-breeding Celtiberia bred, Egnatius! bonnified by beard full-fed, And teeth with Spanish urine polished. 20

Tavern of l.u.s.t and you its tippling crowd, (at ninth pile sign-post from the Cap-donned Brothers) think ye that ye alone have mentules, that 'tis allowed to you alone to touzle whatever may be feminine, and to deem all other men mere goats? But, because ye sit, a row of fools numbering one hundred or haply two hundred, do ye think I dare not irrumate your entire two hundred--loungers!--at once! Think it! but I'll scrawl all over the front of your tavern with scorpion-words. For my girl, who has fled from my embrace (she whom I loved as ne'er a maid shall be beloved--for whom I fought fierce fights) has seated herself here. All ye, both honest men and rich, and also, (O cursed shame) all ye paltry back-slum fornicators, are making hot love to her; and thou above all, one of the hairy-visaged sons of coney-caverned Celtiberia, Egnatius, whose quality is stamped by dense-grown beard, and teeth with Spanish urine scrubbed.

x.x.xVIII.

Malest, Cornifici, tuo Catullo, Malest, me hercule, et est laboriose, Et magis magis in dies et horas.

Quem tu, quod minimum facillimumquest, Qua solatus es adlocutione? 5 Irascor tibi. sic meos amores?

Paulum quid lubet adlocutionis, Maestius lacrimis Simonideis.

x.x.xVIII.

A COMPLAINT TO CORNIFICIUS.

Cornificius! 'Tis ill with thy Catullus, 'Tis ill (by Hercules) distressfully: Iller and iller every day and hour.

Whose soul (as smallest boon and easiest) With what of comfort hast thou deign'd console? 5 Wi' thee I'm angered! Dost so prize my love?

Yet some consoling utterance had been well Though sadder 'twere than Simonidean tears.

'Tis ill, Cornificius, with thy Catullus, 'tis ill, by Hercules, and most untoward; and greater, greater ill, each day and hour! And thou, what solace givest thou, e'en the tiniest, the lightest, by thy words? I'm wroth with thee. Is my love but worth this? Yet one little message would cheer me, though more full of sadness than Simonidean tears.

x.x.xVIIII.