Part 116 (1/2)

”Me and her what?”

”The other night. It was f.u.c.king odd, like someone came in and bulldozed the tension between her and you, and suddenly... y'know. You and her. You looked natural.”

I tip my head at him. ”What the h.e.l.l are you talking about? You've spent too much time around women.”

”I saw how you looked at her a few nights ago, man. Little touches, whispered words, s.n.a.t.c.hed kisses. What really happened when you were stuck together last month? I thought you'd just screwed each other for days but it's more, isn't it? Did you have deep and meaningful conversations and s.h.i.+t like that?”

”No. We don't know each other.” I wave a hand. ”Clearly.”

We settle into silence, and Will grabs the remote, clicks through the program selection, and debates with himself out loud what to watch.

”Ask her to explain about the kid,” he says eventually.

”What? No f.u.c.king point. I don't want to be around kids!”

”But what if she's the girl you're meant to be with?”

I stand. ”What have you been smoking, Will?”

He shrugs and wriggles down into his chair and lifts his booted feet onto the table.

”I saw the reason for all this when I was back in Oxford,” he says.

”Why don't you make any sense today?”

”I know this refusing to get close to chicks thing is all about Charlotte breaking your heart. No idea what the s.h.i.+t was that happened between you, but you need to move on already. She has.”

I swallow down the emotion at the mention of her name. ”I'm sure she has.”

”Yeah. Married. Remember that guy from school? TJ? Him. And they have a kid.” Will chews on a corn chip. ”So, let it go. Life moves on.”

Will's words slug me in the stomach, knocking the breath from me. He has no idea what he just said to me. ”How old? The kid?”

”I dunno. Same as Ruby's? Little.”

The rising panic retreats, but the painful stab of her name coming into my life again today doesn't leave. Especially with this news.

f.u.c.k. No. Don't even go there, Nate.

”Why are you telling me this now?”

”Just saying. Sort your life out, man.”

I bite back the desire to yell at him for interfering, for waltzing into my day and dropping something this f.u.c.king big on me. Why now? Today? Fate has a f.u.c.king sick way of dealing with me right now. I need to escape. ”I'm gonna grab a shower. Will you come out for a few drinks? There's somewhere I wanna go. If Fleur'll let you out on your own?”

”I do what I want. Where we going?”

I give him a slow grin. ”Peaches.”

”Uh. Maybe not.”

”Putting a chick before your broken-hearted brother?” I c.o.c.k a brow.

”Broken-hearted, my a.s.s.”

”You don't have to touch.”

”And you're not allowed to. Club rules.”

”Not interested in touching today. Help cheer me up, Will.”

Will sits forward. ”Okay, I'll change and come back later. But you gotta give me the full run down on all this Riley s.h.i.+t. It's obviously upset you.”

”Nah. I got an off switch.” I flick fingers at my head. ”Off.”

I lied about the switch. I'm on overload here. Riley. Charlotte. The past and present collided a few days ago, and now they're merging. Why the f.u.c.k did Will have to say that?

She married the b.a.s.t.a.r.d.

Again, I throw aside Will's words. I can't let her and all that s.h.i.+t in too.

The water pours over my head, but doesn't wash away the tension or the aching. Hiding in my house achieves nothing. Why can't I confront this? Riley? Anybody?

I go with the flow, always did, but the current is stronger than ever dragging me further into a constructed life of fame, and away from my old one. The Nate I chose to bring on the journey is the one who can cope by closing out the past, not the one from the early days of the band.

Will moved on. He embraced our new life in his own way. We lost our joint ident.i.ty, and as Will moved away, he pulled part of my construct down too. Will kept himself that little bit closer to people; initiated much of the stupid we involved ourselves in, and rode the wave with me. Then suddenly me and him together wasn't enough for Will. Yeah, I get that. A girl would always come between us, but it p.i.s.ses me off he can't see what will happen. Women f.u.c.k you over. Family and friends should come first.

The situation was inevitable. Will and me no longer the twins despite the public's love of the gimmick we create. We've argued about this s.h.i.+t, Will accusing me of not wanting to grow up. Why the h.e.l.l do I need to grow up and look for responsibilities when I'm young and a successful musician with the world dropping at my feet? Why get involved with anybody and fall for lies, the way I just did with Riley?

Underneath, I know Will didn't mean grow up into a responsible adult. His look hinted at the time in my life we don't talk about; the day my emotional growth froze. He means I need to let go and move on. I told him when I was ready I would. To shut him up, and not because I have any intention of taking steps outside of my citadel and into people's lives.

Until Riley. Two years hating on each other, when all the time we were holding back the truth set to ambush us, if we slackened our emotional grip on ourselves for a moment. Suddenly, the girl in front of me wasn't Riley Sawyer who p.i.s.sed me off and rejected me two years ago; this was the girl who I'd unwittingly let inside and never managed to send away again. The hatred fed the pain I denied and the situation with her and a kid three days ago resurrected the last time I'd hurt this badly.

I don't know what to do. I know what I should do: talk to Riley, sort this s.h.i.+t out, and move on; but it's easier to pretend to her and myself, I don't have a heart, than admit she's the girl who kick-started it.

With the thoughts scrubbed away by my shower, I pull on a clean pair of jeans and wander back into the lounge. The doorbell rings and I ignore it. A couple of minutes later, the same thing. From my vantage point in the bedroom, I look down into the front garden.

Riley.

My throat tightens and panic sets in. Do I ignore her? That's the easiest route. I'm too vulnerable for Riley, and scared what I might spill when she digs under my skin again.

People don't normally come back. n.o.body attempts to find answers from me.

33.