Part 115 (1/2)
31.
RILEY.
”OmifreakinG.o.d, Riley!” Tegan's voice shrieks and I hold the phone away from my ear. ”Riley?”
”h.e.l.lo, Tegan.”
”You have a kid! How the h.e.l.l did I not know this?”
”n.o.body knew, Tegan.”
”I thought we were friends!” I can hear the pout from here.
”Like I said, n.o.body knew.”
”Somebody must! You can't have no friends outside of work.”
I hold the phone to my ear with a shoulder as I stand in the laundry and fold Josh's school uniform. ”I do but my worlds are separate. And I'm sorry I couldn't tell you because of the band and working with you.”
”I want to meet him,” she announces. ”I know loads of people aren't talking to your face about this, but I want to see who he is.”
”I didn't think you were a fan of kids.”
”Ha! Well, Jem and Ruby's daughter is a toddler with att.i.tude and works as the best contraception ever.” She giggles. ”Your son, Josh? He's older, isn't he? Past the throwing things and screaming stage?”
”Mostly.”
”Come on! Can I come over? I always wondered why you made excuses for me to stay away when I was in London.”
I stare at the domesticity around me, at my stained T-s.h.i.+rt and faded leggings. My home is a mess, the cleaner overdue.
”Today?”
”If that's all right?”
I relent and Tegan arrives on my doorstep a couple of hours later with a bag full of sweets for Josh. I've changed into jeans and a loose blue jumper; Tegan's dressed the same, but somehow looks glamorous when I look ordinary.
She greets me with a kiss and a breath-s.n.a.t.c.hing hug. ”Oh, Riley, why didn't you tell me?”
For the first time since my secret became public knowledge, tears spring to my eyes. Few people have mentioned Josh to me. One or two girls in the agency asked if the news was true, gushed a little over his photo, and then attempted to chat to me about their offspring. I didn't offer much in return, the awkwardness and maintenance of a professional image at the forefront of my mind.
What's obvious is how much I've blown this out of proportion over the years, but Tegan's recognition of the situation firmly and finally pushes Josh into reality.
”A million reasons, Tegan.”
She pulls her mouth into a sympathetic line. ”I understand. Where is he?”
Josh sits in the lounge, playing a game on his iPad. He looks up as Tegan walks in then back to his screen. She laughs at his disinterest.
”Hey, Josh.”
”Josh, don't be rude. This is my friend, Tegan.”
Josh looks at her, then notices the bag of sweets in her hand. He bites his lip and looks over at me.
”Is it okay to give him these?” asks Tegan and holds them up.
”Sure,” I say, then add, ”Don't eat them all, Joshy. Save some for after lunch.”
Tegan sits next to Josh who s.h.i.+fts away from her slightly and studies her with his blue-green eyes. He relaxes into enthusiastic chatter when Tegan asks about his game.
I walk into the kitchen, grip the sink, and look out the window at the grey winter sky. I'm struggling. A hidden part of me is exposed by Josh, but that's only the half of it. Nate continues to consume my thoughts. I can't eat, and wake in the night unable to sleep. Even work doesn't switch me off as much as I hoped. In Nate's company, the world righted itself. Now he's flipped the table and everything fell into the outside world. Here, this house, Tegan and Josh together, unreal and unsettling.
Tegan reappears chewing one of the sweets she brought and grins at me. ”I bought my favourites. I love wine gums. Shh!”
I laugh. ”Big kid.”
”I am not! But I'm married to one. Do you know what he did this time?” I fail to hide my I don't care look. ”Sorry, you don't want to know.”
I sit and Tegan drags a chair out to sit opposite me. ”I take it this is what screwed things up with Nate?”
”Yes, but something inevitably would. I don't think we make a good couple.”
”Oh, I think you do.” She makes exploding motions in the air. ”People say Jax and me are volatile, but it's part of what makes us who we are. Guys like him and Nate need women like us.”
I pick up Josh's coloured pencils spread across the table and arrange them in a neat pile. ”I actually don't think Nate wants a relations.h.i.+p,” I say to the table.
”I dunno. He was with the model for a month, whatever happened there. Then you. Maybe he's looking for somebody?”
”Not me,” I say and look up with a weak smile. ”Single mum and bane of his life.”
”Riley Sawyer and his match.” Tegan pops another wine gum in her mouth.
”You're reading too much into this. I screwed up by not telling him.”
”Have you spoken to him since?”
”I sent him a message to ask him to meet up.”
”Don't tell me, the ignorant b.a.s.t.a.r.d wouldn't?”
”Correct.”
Tegan chews thoughtfully. ”I'll speak to him.”