Part 100 (2/2)
Riley interrupts. ”This time, tell me what you're thinking. I don't want to go back to the nastiness. If the kiss was spur of the moment and a mistake, tell me.”
I drag a hand through my hair and look back. Her eyes are wary, and I don't know what the h.e.l.l to do or say.
”Was it to you?” I ask.
”Yes and no. After all this time, kissing you felt wrong and right at the same time.”
I can't say this. I point at her gla.s.s. ”I need a drink. Want one?”
”Of course you do.” She smiles and the weird nervousness gripping my chests loosens. ”I think I do too. I'm in shock after earlier.”
I return with drinks, and Riley's texting. She hastily sets her phone face down as I sit opposite again. ”Thanks.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes, the crackle of the fire and Val cras.h.i.+ng pots around in the kitchen the only sounds.
f.u.c.k it. ”Riley. I have to tell you something strange.”
She glances up. ”Stranger than kissing me earlier?”
”Yeah. So, this is how it is.” I pick at the edge of the table. s.h.i.+t this is going to sound weird. ”Uh. So. I don't kiss people.”
A giggle bursts from Riley and she gives me a small shake of her head. ”You kissed me.”
”Exactly.”
”No, I mean you kissed me two years ago and you kissed me earlier.”
Her response p.r.i.c.kles my neck; this isn't a joke. ”But I don't normally. I mean, not full on like I kissed you.”
”Surely you kissed Sophia and your... other girls.”
”Not really. They try but I don't want to.”
”Why?”
”Like I said, don't want to.”
Riley sits back and her amus.e.m.e.nt drops. ”I'm going to be direct here. You don't have to answer but I have to ask. Did something happen to make you like you are?”
”Like what?”
”Like...” She wrinkles her nose. ”Some kind of abuse. Is that why you're the way you are?”
”Wow, that's forward. And no, nothing like that. I'm f.u.c.ked up by a girl, that's all.” I swill the contents of my gla.s.s and drink.
”That's all? Years of shutting yourself down because of one heartbreak?”
”Yeah, well you don't understand if you've never experienced it. I loved someone. They f.u.c.ked me over. Big style. I don't want to get hurt again, so I keep part of myself I don't share. There's something intimate about a kiss and-”
”And s.e.x isn't?”
”Not to me. That's physical. Feels good. Kissing is connecting, giving yourself. When you look somebody in the eyes, you're connecting on a deeper level.”
Riley rubs her fingers across her lips as she searches my face. Does she think I'm lying? Why would anybody lie about stupid s.h.i.+t like this? ”Then why did you kiss me?” she asks in a small voice.
”Don't know. Think I wanted to connect with somebody. You. Made sense at the time.”
”Okay...”
”I also see someone who understands me.”
Riley stares at the table and my stomach lurches. Why am I telling her this s.h.i.+t? And she's right. What is with the kissing thing? Jesus, I'm a counsellor's dream client. But kissing Riley pulled me in, held me to her. In the split second before my lips were on hers, I met her eyes and was overwhelmed. I wanted her to know me because I think she already does.
”You're telling me you have relations.h.i.+ps for weeks and never kiss? I find that hard to believe. Kissing is the first step.”
”Nah, if they don't want to skip that stage, they don't bother hanging around.” I lift my eyes to hers. ”That's why I don't get to screw as many girls as people think.”
”I certainly wouldn't stick around.”
”I reckon you don't kiss people much either.”
She frowns and drinks. ”No. I don't do relations.h.i.+ps, so I don't get the chance.”
”Why not?”
”Too busy.” She clams up and looks away.
”You celibate these days, Riley?”
This time Riley fixes me with an intense look. ”No. I'm too busy and don't want a relations.h.i.+p. Hook-ups work for me.”
I rest my elbows on the table and lean in. ”Hook-ups? How about me?”
Riley runs her tongue along her teeth and stares into the fire behind me. Surely she expected this to be my next move? ”I've half-considered it since we've been here,” she says in a low voice. ”Because I know you won't want any more from me. Part of me knows what you said in the kitchen earlier is true. We could just give in to this, then the whole situation can be underlined and forgotten about, the way it should've been the first time.”
”But you hate me.”
”Do I? I kissed you.” She pauses. ”Do you hate me?”
I slump back and the cras.h.i.+ng realisation we're the same person hits. ”No. You p.i.s.s me off, but I don't hate you.”
”And you infuriate me by being a rude b.a.s.t.a.r.d.” Her mouth quirks into a half-smile.
<script>