Part 43 (2/2)
”I meant what I said that night.” He turns his eyes to mine. ”About what I felt. Feel. Nothing's changed. I don't think I'll ever stop loving you, whatever you decide to do after tonight. You never forget the first person you love, do you?” My heart stutters at his words as Jax steps closer. He touches my face. ”I should've grown a pair and called you instead of living in this limbo for weeks.”
I smile at his expression. ”I would've called but couldn't cope with how you treated me or what you might say. I didn't think I meant enough to you.”
”You don't get it, Tegan. The day I saw you in the hotel corridor in Lisbon, you blew me apart in just a few moments. Then you walked away with the pieces, and I had to fight your brother so I could get them back from you. All I wanted was for you to share some of yourself too.”
”You know I did, Jax. But when I fell in love with you, my life turned into a bizarre circus. Everything became too hard.”
He drops his hand and curls his fingers around mine. ”Life's hard being in love?”
”Isn't it?”
He moves closer and holds my face in both hands. ”Loving you is the easiest thing in my life. Or it was until things became complicated. In the midst of the chaos around those few weeks I had you.”
For the first time in weeks, Jax's mouth is close to mine. The salty scent from his performance melds with his soap; the familiar scent of the man I fell in love with. I swallow, staring at his mouth. My body will override everything; the pa.s.sion between us was always at the fore.
”You hurt me,” I whisper. ”I -” Jax interrupts as his lips meet mine. I grab his hands as they close over my cheeks, expecting him to overwhelm me, but Jax kisses softly, the way he did the first time. The days drop away as if we last shared ourselves yesterday.
Jax rests his forehead on mine, heat radiating from his skin and for a moment, we don't speak. Music inside the venue thuds through the half-open door; but out here, we're away from everything, watched only by the stars fighting through the clouds.
”I love you. We can fix this,” he murmurs.
My aching heart explodes into need, and I thread my fingers into Jax's hair. I crash my mouth on his, and kiss him the way I want to. Hot. Hard. Completely. The heat combusts between us, fuelled by the pa.s.sion that connects our souls. I wrap myself against his hard body, craving his taste and touch. Jax kisses along my neck and rests his lips against my pulse point before moving back to my mouth. I untangle my hands from Jax's hair and push them beneath his s.h.i.+rt, gripping the hard muscles of his back.
”I love you,” I whisper against his mouth. ”I want us.”
His warm breath strokes my skin as he brushes hair from my face. ”Are you still leaving?”
I frown at his sudden s.h.i.+ft in conversation. Are we back to square one? ”I haven't decided. Tina needs to know by the end of the week.”
Jax is quiet for a moment. ”I don't care if you go to New York. Go to the moon if you want but however far you are, you'll have a part of me with you. If you want me.”
”I don't want anybody else but you, but I need to be me. You can have me, but you can't have every part.”
”I want you to be you, too. You're b.l.o.o.d.y incredible, Tegan Hughes.”
I smile. ”I know, that's how I caught Jax Lewis.”
He takes my hands. ”I mean it. Live your life. I'll live mine. Together. We can fight to control what we want, but not each other.”
”But can we?”
”If we believe in ourselves, me and you can do anything. Isn't that why we fit?”
”We need to take one step at a time. I can't throw myself back into your crazy.”
”Sure, however fast or slow you want but as long as we're together. Screw the rest of them. We'll show the world they're wrong about us.”
Jax wraps me in his arms and holds me close. We're encircled by the love we've tried to prevent overwhelming us. The future that terrifies us both is a possibility, if we allow ourselves the challenge and admit this is worth fighting for.
46.
ONE MONTH LATER.
TEGAN.
I don't take the position in New York. Not because of Jax, but because I won't leave Bryn with the impression he can take over my life. When I find a permanent job, wherever in the world it is, I will do so on my merits. My first ever PR and marketing campaign came to fruition and my name is attached. People are interested in Tegan Hughes. Not because Tegan Hughes is Bryn Hughes's sister and in a relations.h.i.+p with Jax Lewis, but because she has ideas and talent.
To be honest, staying in London and building on this is in my interests. I can become known in the industry circle here, watch and learn. I tell Jax that one day I'll have my own PR firm, and he believes my grandiose plan made after five minutes working in the industry. Next, I tell him I'd go into partners.h.i.+p with Riley one day and laughed at the horror on his face. Then he kissed me and said whatever I did, wherever I went, I'd be awesome, and he'd be honoured to be part of my life. I think he was only half taking the p.i.s.s there.
Ruby Riot is finis.h.i.+ng the alb.u.m for release in October, Jax grumbling about the delay. Jax's view of Ruby's imminent parenthood remains poor, but he has to accept this. I move out of Bryn's and into Jax's place, initially to p.i.s.s off my interfering brother, and later because I want to be close to Jax. Okay, a large part of the reason I stay in London is Jax. I love him. The spoilt kid Jax emerges occasionally, but I'm as guilty of immature behaviour sometimes. We clash, always will, both of us wanting the upper hand, but working things out in bed adds fun to the situation. He now accepts that even if the rest of the world falls at his feet and does as he says, I won't.
The guy has a big heart and he's given that to me. We have a long way to go, but the connection between us runs deeper than the everyday. I don't want to wake up one day and regret I never took a chance on Jax. Up front and honest, we've never tried to hide our true selves from each other. Some people never achieve this, even after years together. Yes, we have a lot of work ahead and challenges will be thrown our way, but we belong together.
Besides, our stubbornness is also a plus. The world wants Tegan and Jax to fail? Well, screw them. Not going to happen.
JAX.
Tegan's laptop is open on the desk in my room, and a travel website covering the US displays on the screen. The familiar lurch in my stomach hits.
Is she leaving? Tegan said she wouldn't. I promised her I wouldn't freak out if she changed her mind and swallow down the fear she's leaving.
I sit on the edge of the bed in my old student house, staring out of the window at the grey sky. The cracked plaster and tatty curtains are a world away from my life a couple of months ago, but the best part of that time is still with me. Or I hope she is.
My nights out don't end in semi-consciousness anymore. A couple of years living my life like that is hard to kick and the temptation will always be there; but when Tegan made it clear she could accept me and my lifestyle, but not this aspect, I make changes.
Once Tegan's and my relations.h.i.+p was on again, similar press frenzy hit for a few weeks until the interest tailed off. The trolls keep on, dissecting Tegan's choice of clothes, hairstyle, whether she has cellulite or bad skin. Bulls.h.i.+t we gradually learn to deal with.
Tegan and me are rarely seen anywhere interesting or controversial, but there's occasional photographers following if we're together. Seriously, they followed us to the supermarket. Twice. At one point in our shopping trip, Tegan got p.i.s.sed off with the scrutiny and stopped a young guy following us with a camera to ask which brand of condoms he thought were best. I was horrified; but when the pictures. .h.i.t with her waving boxes of condoms around, Tegan giggled for five minutes. This is one of the reasons I love my free-spirited girl. She won't take bulls.h.i.+t from anybody, including me and that's what I need. I understand now that if I make any attempt to constrain Tegan I'll lose her permanently. I learn to trust myself - and her. To believe in us.
I've enough saved to tide me over until uni starts again in September - if I go back - and come October Ruby Riot is heading up again. I reckon I can cope with a few months. Poor Will and Nate have to go back, their savings skills are poor and parents not as wealthy as mine. I don't know, can't see the point when I'm not going to use my degree. But work... not appealing.
Tegan appears from the bathroom, a blue towel wrapped around her body stopping short of her knees, damp hair brushed from her face. This girl. My girl. Beautiful beyond words.
She furrows her brow and walks over to the desk, and closes the laptop. Anxiety spikes as she perches next to me on my bed. Is Tegan hiding something?
”You okay?” she asks.
”Mmm.” Her towel could easily be removed. I can distract myself with one of our favourite activities. Tegan smacks my hand as I reach for the knot.
”I have to work today.”
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