Part 32 (1/2)

When she comes back, we can click back into the Jax and Tegan who exist outside of all this s.h.i.+t. We'll push my screw up aside. We have to.

”You believe me? You mean a f.u.c.king lot to me.”

”I'll fly to Oslo tomorrow,” she says coolly. ”We can talk then.”

32.

OSLO, NORWAY.

TEGAN.

I ask Jax not to meet me at the airport. He was insistent, wanting to talk to me the moment I arrived; but wherever he goes, the press does too, so I said no. I don't want the public scrutiny back. Seems the press is as fickle as they presume Jax is. We're over and I'm old news.

Is this the answer? Jax and I now have the option of keeping our relations.h.i.+p a secret to everybody apart from those on tour. The more I consider this, the more the idea appeals. I could allow them some shots of me out alone and turn on tears if somebody ha.s.sles me about Jax. h.e.l.l, he denied he's with me; I can do the same. How plausible is it, really, that Jax Lewis would trade his hedonistic ways for a girl at this point in his life? Unlikely.

That question still dogs me. I believe him. I know he can be an arrogant douche when drunk, but there's another side to Jax. The softhearted, romantic guy hidden beneath his devil may care att.i.tude. The guy who handed me his necklace, the man who surprised me at the airport to say goodbye, cares. The Jax who phoned me religiously each night and even remembered when out drinking in Amsterdam.

But what about when we're apart longer than a few days? The next tour? If I travel or live in a different city? Experience indicates I'm not cut out for long-distance relations.h.i.+ps, and I doubt Jax will be either.

I shake away the overthinking. Again, how Jax can take up as much of my waking thoughts and spend his nights in my dreams concerns me. He already evokes strong and worrying emotions after a short s.p.a.ce of time. I blamed the intensity of the tour and claustrophobic environment for the immediate, engulfing desire for Jax; but even away from him, there's a pull to be with him, in his world.

How will I react when I see Jax again? Part of me wants to end what's between us for fear of getting hurt, but a larger part wants to run straight into his arms.

I'm tired after my flight and the stress of the last couple of days, but I can't prevent the constant leaping stomach when I think about seeing Jax again. I texted him from the airport, and I'm in my room less than ten minutes before he arrives.

The man I open the door to knocks the breath from me, the same way I attempted to deny the first time his glacial eyes met mine in Portugal. He's wearing a loose s.h.i.+rt, the top two b.u.t.tons undone revealing his smooth chest and the wired feeling I've had for the last few hours explodes into an intense desire to wrap myself around him. Jax's eyes s.h.i.+ne as he sees me, mouth tipping into the smile seen the world over, but right here, right now, is for me.

Jax hesitates for a second before backing me against the wall and closing his mouth over mine. My body responds instantly, the familiar taste and scent of him intoxicating. We haven't spoken, don't need to. The pa.s.sion in his kiss and my response speaks louder. We kiss with a desperate hunger; and when I push my hands beneath his s.h.i.+rt, Jax lets go of the restraint shaking through his body.

He pauses, breathing heavily as he looks at me with darkened eyes. ”I f.u.c.king missed you.”

My heart slams against my chest. ”I missed you.”

”Do you believe me? You mean a h.e.l.l of a lot to me, Tegan. There was no girl.” Jax holds my chin in one hand forcing me to look at him.

My stomach lurches for a moment and I can't move my face from his grip. The concern in his eyes pushes away my last doubt about his sincerity, and he holds me here as if I might change my mind and walk away again. ”If I thought that was true, I wouldn't be in this position with you right now.”

Jax s.h.i.+fts his hands and seizes my head, suffocating me with another kiss as he grips my hair in both hands. My legs shake, mind blown by how a reunion after such short time can prompt such an intense reaction.

”There're plenty of other positions you could be in,” he whispers against my ear.

I giggle and squirm against his tickling breath. ”And I'm sure that you're going to show me.”

”You bet.”

One thing, which constantly burns between Jax and me, is the intensity of our physical l.u.s.t when we're together. The moment he touches my skin, the desire triggers. The second his mouth touches mine, common sense leaves. We constantly crave each other with a pa.s.sion overriding everything I should be cautious about. Jax yields to me as easily as I to him. The inexplicable and dangerous attraction has fused us in a sudden and frightening way.

The man whose touch is pulling me away from the real world and back into the intensity of our place, has a grip on me, and he won't let go. What worries me more is I don't want Jax to let me go. The girl who refuses to be constrained has been dragged into something where control over her life loosens every day.

I snuggle with Jax in bed, with room service and movies, hiding in our world where n.o.body else can touch us. We haven't left the hotel room all day and don't intend to. American Sniper wasn't my choice of movie, or one that interests me; but I'm with Jax, and right now, that's enough. Something about Jax's presence soothes me, a natural connection to match the intense physical one.

Although part of me screams not to, I can trust this man.

”We should keep things as they are,” I say and s.h.i.+ft around on the bed to face him.

Jax trails fingers along my arm and raises an eyebrow. ”What? In bed all the time?”

”No, the world thinking we're not a couple.”

The raised brow switches to a frown. ”What? Why? I thought you said you were fine with what happened in Amsterdam.”

”I am, but the situation had me thinking we could use this to our advantage.”

”Right...”

”Obviously people on the tour will notice, but let's keep out of the spotlight? I'll confirm Jax Lewis dumped me.”

”Huh!” He pokes me in the side. ”Not gonna happen.”

”What? Pretending we're not together?”

”No. Dumping you. Awesome chick and awesome s.e.x. Why would I?”

I can list a number of reasons, but why spoil the moment with practicality? I push Jax's fringe from his eyes. ”True. Lucky you.”

”Oh, yeah, I know I am.” He wraps me in his arms. ”Cool by me if you want to keep this quiet.”

”We should've done in the first place,” I say and rest my head against his shoulder.

”I guess.” Something in his voice suggests he doesn't share the sentiment.

”I think it's the only way, Jax. I can't live my life under a microscope.”

”But you still want us, together?”

”If you can do one thing for me.”

He twists to look at me. ”Sure. What?”

”Don't drink so much.”

”Drink?”

”Yes. You've said yourself you do stupid things. If we're not officially a couple, somebody else might want my role in your bed.”