Part 12 (1/2)
”Well, if it isn't the famous Grace.” She says with a snide att.i.tude in her voice.
”I'm sorry; you have me at a disadvantage?”
”I know I do. I've heard so much about you I just had to meet you.” There is no suggestion that she even feels I have a right to know her name and she carries on her little speech as if I'm not even there or if she were talking to a piece of dirt that she has to be rid of.
”You do know that you're just a phase, a distraction. He won't stay with you for long, he never does, but he always comes back to me.” I watch as her eyes roam up and down my body making me feel instantly uneasy as she begins to laugh.
”I mean, what on earth can he see in you?” She suddenly turns on her heel and I watch her perfectly-sized b.u.m strut away like she is a G.o.d and I'm left an emotional mess. I know what she said is right, I have thought it since I first met him, but to have someone as perfect as her actually say it to me makes it all come cras.h.i.+ng to a head and I just want to leave, but I am in a completely different country with no means to get home.
Why do I have to be me?
Why do I have to be as messed up and unworthy as I am?
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX.
SAMUEL.
I find that I have to control myself so much as she stands there in my childhood room. My d.i.c.k has hardened to the point of pain just watching her taking my old room in. She is so beautiful and the longer the time I spend with her the more the longing of wanting to tell her I love her grows with an intensity I can't understand. She looked so carefree and happy as she sat with my family listening to old stories of our lives and I want her to know a lot more and be involved in future memories. I want a future with this woman; I want to be the one who makes her laugh and smile every day for the rest of our lives together. But I know that there is no way she is ready to hear that yet just as I know she isn't ready to hear me say I love her. I find that I want to shout it from the rooftops, but I know that if I tell her she will run for the hills. There is still so much of her I don't know, a secret life she is determined to keep hidden within the depths of her soul. I know that is the reason she is the way that she is and why she always goes for that f.u.c.king band on her wrist. Although as I think about it I realize I haven't seen her do it for a while. Maybe unbeknownst to the two of us I am helping her, I can only hope that one day she can trust me enough to tell me about the horrors I know she must have faced as a child. I don't know what they were, but I know if I ever get to meet her mother she could be the first woman I break a rule for apart from her daughter. Of course, this rule was completely different from all the other rules I have ever had in place to keep women out.
Never hit a woman.
The more I think of a smaller version of Grace being in pain, the more I have the need to find her mother and confront her. How could a parent do so much damage to their own child? You only have to see the type of woman that Grace has grown up to be to know that there are too many issues there and the thought makes me sick. I make my way down to the bottom of the stairs and I can see my father and uncle come through the kitchen door.
”Can we have a word in my office, son?”
”Of course, Dad.” And I follow the two men down the hall to my father's office, the place where he can have some quiet time away from the rest of the family. It suddenly occurs to me that I hope that one day this will be me finding refuge and sanctuary in my own office while Grace looks after our children. The feeling leaves an instant glow to my heart and I can only pray that when she is ready Grace will want that too. The three of us step into my father's office and we all take our seats around the desk.
”What's up, old men?”
”Enough of the old, son.” Even though my father tries to use the stern voice from my childhood the three of us can't help but laugh.
”Where did you meet her?” My father asks as he pours us each a gla.s.s of whiskey.
”She worked at the bar I first went to when I arrived in London. I saw her stepping off the subway walking towards the bar and I knew there was something about her. Turned out she was an apprentice at the London office and she was pretty much doing everyone's jobs for them, but you already know how that went.”
I take a sip of the liquid my father has given me and can feel the burn as it slides down my throat. I can see they are happy for me, I've never brought a girl to see the family before so they know how special she is to me, but I can tell there is only one thing they want to ask me and as if on cue my uncle asks.
”What do you know about her?” I see my uncle take in a breath while the fear that I could be wrong consumes him. I feel for him, I do, to go through so many years not knowing anything about a part of you that lives on must be destroying and he's been dealing with that sorrow for at least seventeen years.
”She looks so much like the woman I once loved.”
”Let's not get our hopes up, William.” My father says as he takes a hold of my uncle's hand.
”She's not very forthcoming about her past” I begin ”All she has ever really told me is that she lived in a small town three hours away from London with her mother and then with a stepfather. There's not much of a relations.h.i.+p there and she's very much a loner. Keeps herself to herself, but she is the most amazing woman I have ever known.” I can't help, but smile as I think of her and the future we could have if she would only let herself have one.
”Does she know anything about her father?” My uncle asks me. I look at the longing in his eyes, the hope that she knows something that gives us a clearer picture of whether she is who we think she could be.
”From what she has told me, no. She hasn't mentioned it.” I can see both my father and uncle look towards each other with them both releasing big sighs. My uncle looks so deflated and lost and I feel so sorry for him. He's been searching for years and he's so close to the answers, but still they are too far away to reach. I can see his heart breaking as he takes in all the news I have given him.
”Do we tell her?” My uncle asks again.
”We would have to be careful how we approached this. As far as Grace is concerned her father left her.”
”I didn't leave her, her mother just took her.” My uncle shouts and my father places a gentle hand on his while he tries to comfort his brother.
”She doesn't know that, though, does she?”
”We have to be gentle, this will be delicate.” We talk for a few more minutes before we all stand and make our way out of my father's office where I hear my uncle say ”I just want to know.” He stops to wipe a tear.
”I know it's her, she looks just like the girl I remember.” I watch as the two men walk down the hallway to the entrance to the garden when I see Grace walk by with none other than the woman I despise more than anything.
I've known Kate for as long as I can remember, she's been friends of Kimberley's for years and because she has seen me grow she thinks she knows me better than anyone else. I've screwed her a couple of times, but that's only because she is such an easy lay and she's not the type of woman you would want to bring home to meet your mother. She's a dirty s.l.u.t, but she has the act of high society down to a tee when it comes to my parents. I hate her, but her family are very close to mine and that's the only reason I tolerate her, so when I see Grace looking like she is ready to burst into tears I could physically hurt the b.i.t.c.h. How dare she hurt the first woman apart from my family that I actually care about above myself?
GRACE.
I can't stand there any longer and listen to this woman remind me of how wrong I am for the man I am deeply in love with. She looks so sure of herself as she stands above me, hands on her hips with an evil smirk. I am so stupid to think he could see anything in me except an easy lay and I can't afford for this woman to know that she has got to me. I don't say anything as I turn around and make my way back through the house where I know everyone is. I can only hope that Samuel will sense my unease and say we can go.
”That's right; you're no good for him. Just leave him to a real woman, little girl.” I won't look back and give the b.i.t.c.h the satisfaction of getting to me, but I am forced to stop in my tracks when I hear his voice.
”What's going on here?” He looks so handsome just standing there waiting for an answer and all I can do is get myself as far away from him as I can.
When I get back outside I go sit where we were earlier and watch as Samuel comes through and tells everyone we will be on our way. As we say goodbye to everyone I don't see Kate, which settles the nerves in my stomach just a little. We settle in Samuel's car and it's not till we're five minutes into our journey that he speaks.
”What did that b.i.t.c.h say to you?” I look across at him and I can see genuine concern for me and it leaves me so confused.
”She just confirmed something that I was too afraid to say.”
”And what's that?” He takes a glance at me before he concentrates on the road ahead of us again. I look at his perfect profile as he s.h.i.+fts gears and my knickers instantly become damp and I can't believe how pathetic I am.
”I'm not good enough.” I barely whisper.
”What?”
”I'm not good enough. I'm never enough.” I remain looking out the windscreen and every now and then I am sure I can feel Samuel's eyes on me, but he never says anything to me and you could pierce the silence in the car with a knife. Although the silence is awful the journey goes by quickly and Samuel is soon pulling up into one of his parking s.p.a.ces in the underground carpark. We both get out at the same time and before I know what he is doing he is in front of me pus.h.i.+ng me up against his car. I can feel his chest rise and fall in time with mine as his eyes search through mine, trying to find answers to what, I have no idea. He raises his hand and uses his fingers to brush away my hair that has come loose.
”I never want to hear you say those words again.” I can't answer his because as soon as he has uttered the words his lips attack mine and I can feel his hands move down my body to around my b.u.m where he grabs hold and raises me up and I instantly wrap my legs around his waist. He walks over to the lift with ease and as soon as we are in the car he pushes me up against the wall with so much force that the adrenaline that b.u.mps through my veins takes me out of my current mood. He kisses me with a hunger that I haven't felt before and I know that what I had been feeling since that woman is rubbish. I may not want us to say the love word to one another, I may be too messed up for those words, but the way Samuel is kissing me right at this moment tells me that he has strong feelings for me and I kiss him back with as much force just to let him know I feel the same. We make our way into his apartment without him letting me go and he carries me off to his bedroom where we spend the rest of the evening.
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN.
GRACE.
On the morning of the charity event I awaken in Samuel's bed. I almost forget where I am, but as I look out the window opposite the bed I remember I am in New York City, I'm looking out over Central Park. It's beautiful as you see all the beautiful colors of the late summer taking life right in front of you. Even though I have had the best night's sleep of my life I can feel my body's soreness. My c.l.i.t feels over sensitive and I can still feel a fullness within myself which leaves me with a smile. The quilt is soft against my naked skin and my back and b.u.m feel like they are melting into the mattress it's that soft and comfortable. I pull the covers off my body and pull my body off the bed with reluctance as I slowly place a robe around my shoulders and tie it at my stomach. I make my way through the hallway and down the twisted staircase to a beautiful smell. As I enter the kitchen Samuel is standing by the oven working a pan. He's wearing deep blue pajama bottoms which hug around his hip bones. His buns even through the material look firm yet soft and the muscles in his back are defined so beautifully that if I'm not mistaken make him look like a piece of fine art. The b.a.s.t.a.r.d. It's not fair that he looks so gorgeous while I probably look hideous. I step closer towards him and my senses are overtaken by his masculine scent. I hear him sigh as I wrap my arms around his waist and snuggle my head into the juncture where his neck and shoulder join. I feel comfortable in my position, like this is where I belong, where I have always meant to belong and I have a feeling of immense happiness that I have never felt before.