Part 1 (2/2)
”That's the att.i.tude, leaguers,” said the Crimson Creampuff as he slammed a fist into his hand and then winced in pain. ”The Amazing Indestructo needs us and it's time for us to come to his aid!”
Meanwhile, AI had decided to storm Professor Brain-Drain's secret hideout single-handedly. Without hesitation he zoomed straight to the top of the building where the Brain-Drain Blimp was tethered. He crashed through the roof and came face-to-face with his greatest enemy.
”You fiend,” he said, as he stood amidst the smoke and dust. ”Your plot to deny the people of Superopolis the whitening advantage of McCavity's Ultra-Paste Tooth Whitener is at an end.”
And there, standing calmly amid thousands of cases of McCavity's toothpaste, was that supervillain of all supervillains, Professor Brain-Drain-or at least the actor who played him. All the other characters on the show play themselves, but Professor Brain-Drain is always an actor. The funny thing is it never seems to be the same actor. Last week's Brain-Drain had a high-pitched voice. The one before that actually had some hair. This newest one, I noticed, had a big mole on his nose.
I grabbed my copy of the Li'l Hero's Handbook Li'l Hero's Handbook and quickly flipped to the entry on Professor Brain-Drain. and quickly flipped to the entry on Professor Brain-Drain.
The picture was of a man significantly older than the guy on TV, and there was definitely no mole on his nose. Well, if he's retired, I guess it made sense that he doesn't play himself. Of course, his tendency to drain people's intelligence and be superevil may have been a factor as well. I set the handbook back down just as the actor playing the Professor began to speak.
”Ah, the Amazing Indestructo.” The egghead of evil chortled. (This was the first Brain-Drain who chortled-most of them cackled.) ”I expected you would be coming.”
”Your vile plan will never work,” responded AI. ”I'm here to see that Superopolis will once again experience the amazing benefits of McCavity's Ultra-Paste.”
”On the contrary,” Professor Brain-Drain corrected. ”Without access to McCavity's, the people of Super-opolis will soon see their teeth rotting and falling out of their mouths. With no teeth, they won't be able to eat. In their starved, weakened states, it will be easy for me to drain the intelligence from every citizen of Superopolis, absorbing it all into my own brain. I'll become a supergenius!”
How incredibly evil! I was so horrified by BrainDrain's nasty plot that I ignored how little sense it made. Thank goodness AI was there! I was so horrified by BrainDrain's nasty plot that I ignored how little sense it made. Thank goodness AI was there!
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NAME: Professor Brain-Drain. Professor Brain-Drain. POWER: POWER: The ability to enhance his own intelligence by draining the intelligence of others. The ability to enhance his own intelligence by draining the intelligence of others. LIMITATIONS: LIMITATIONS: Has a tendency to overthink things. Has a tendency to overthink things. CAREER: CAREER: Superopolis's most successful criminal mastermind for over fifty years. The Professor has been in semiretirement for over a decade. Superopolis's most successful criminal mastermind for over fifty years. The Professor has been in semiretirement for over a decade. CLa.s.sIFICATION: CLa.s.sIFICATION: A major power and a twisted brain make for a lethal combination. His recent inactivity is greatly appreciated. A major power and a twisted brain make for a lethal combination. His recent inactivity is greatly appreciated.
”You obviously didn't count on me,” the Amazing Indestructo proclaimed as he bared his brilliant (and indestructible) white teeth.
”Of course I did,” replied the Professor matter-of-factly as he pulled a metal box from his lab coat and punched a b.u.t.ton on it. ”And now I'd like to introduce you to my latest invention. I call them my Robotic Rabbits, and I suggest you be particularly wary of their atomic incisors.”
Dozens of metallic bunny rabbits suddenly appeared from all directions. These weren't your ordinary metallic bunnies, either. These bunnies were almost six feet tall! And as if that wasn't bad enough, their front teeth were enormous! In fact, they looked like they could cut through a steel beam. The Amazing Indestructo remained as cool as an indestructible cuc.u.mber.
”Is that the best you can do?” he taunted the Professor.
Before the nemesis of niceness could even respond, the Amazing Indestructo picked up the closest Robotic Rabbit by the feet and began swinging it around in a circle. As the others rushed to attack they found themselves being smashed and pulverized. By the time AI stopped his spinning, the rabbit he was holding had been reduced to a blunt hunk of metal. A lot of the attackers had been reduced to pieces as well. But others were still unharmed and not only that, more were joining them every second. In fact, they seemed to be multiplying like ... well, rabbits!
They swarmed toward AI, and the ones that made it to him began to gnaw at him with their atomic teeth.
”This has no effect on me.” AI laughed at Professor Brain-Drain. ”Have you forgotten I'm indestructible?”
”Curses! You're right!” the Professor responded.
I find it a bit hard to believe that a genius like Professor Brain-Drain could actually forget something that obvious, but, then again, I guess there wouldn't be a show if he didn't forget it every week.
One by one, the Robotic Rabbits attempted to sink their teeth into the Amazing Indestructo, and one by one, each of their heads exploded. Before long, Professor Brain-Drain's lair was littered with metallic bits of bunnies. The Amazing Indestructo calmly waded through the debris, grabbed the Professor by the collar, and hoisted him into the air.
Just then, who should arrive but the League of Ultimate Goodness. The Crimson Creampuff, huffing and puffing, led the group into the warehouse.
”Here”-huff puff-”we”-huff puff-”are,” he wheezed. ”Is there anything”-huff puff-”we can do to”-huff puff-”help?”
Without waiting for instruction, Spaghetti Man lashed out at one of the headless Robotic Rabbits, spinning strands of spaghetti around its immobile body. The lifeless robot tipped over, and the strands of pasta broke easily, so it came cras.h.i.+ng to the ground.
”Where's everybody else?” asked the Amazing Indestructo.
”Well now, pardner,” replied Whistlin' Dixie, ”Moleman is diggin' his way here. I reckon he'll be pop-pin' up in pret' near three hours. And Major b.u.mmer is still in the heliocopter, tryin' to get his seat belt undone. If yer int'rested in ma 'pinion, I 'spect the best thing we all could do is get this here McCavity's Ultra-Paste back out to the desperate folk o' Superopolis.”
”Good idea, Dixie,” AI concurred.
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Whistlin' Dixie started whistling the McCavity's UltraPaste jingle (in perfect tune, as always) while she and the rest of the leaguers hauled out cases of the toothpaste.
”Meanwhile, I'll deliver this vile villain to prison where he belongs,” said AI. ”I suspect this is one evil genius who's learned the consequences of not brus.h.i.+ng your teeth.”
”Or flossing,” piped up Professor Brain-Drain just as the final credits began to run across the screen.
Another great episode, I thought to myself. Just then I heard my mom calling me for breakfast. As I got up to turn off the TV, a commercial for McCavity's came on. I never used to like their toothpaste because it sticks to your teeth and sort of tastes like mushrooms, but if AI recommended it, I would have to give it another try.
My ultimate goal is to be just like the Amazing Indestructo-minus the superpower, of course-because, after all, he is is the greatest hero ever! the greatest hero ever!
CHAPTER TWO.
Breakfast of Champions
”OB, it's time to eat,” my mom called again just as I came running down the stairs. Mom and Dad both call me OB. I sort of like it, except when my friends are around. All the kids call me ”O Boy.”
When I came into the kitchen, my mom was holding a pitcher of juice. The icicles that hang in strips from the arms of her powder-blue costume were all jingling against each other.
”Here, honey. Have a gla.s.s of orange juice while your father finishes scrambling the eggs.”
”It's kind of warm, Mom,” I said as she handed me the gla.s.s. This is a routine that Mom and I do every morning. She gave a quick wink, and then her eyes focused on the gla.s.s. In about two seconds, I felt it chill to exactly the right temperature.
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NAME: Snowflake. POWER: Able to freeze anything just by focusing her gaze on it. Snowflake. POWER: Able to freeze anything just by focusing her gaze on it. LIMITATIONS: LIMITATIONS: Objects must be within a radius of a hundred feet. Objects must be within a radius of a hundred feet. CAREER: CAREER: After a stint with the New Crusaders, Snowflake took a high-level position with the Corpsicle Coolant Corporation. After a stint with the New Crusaders, Snowflake took a high-level position with the Corpsicle Coolant Corporation. CLa.s.sIFICATION: CLa.s.sIFICATION: A coolheaded, cla.s.s act. A coolheaded, cla.s.s act.
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