Part 1 (1/2)
The hero revealed.
by William Boniface.
PROLOGUE.
The Astoundingly Unbelievable Secret Origin of Ordinary Boy
Sure, it sounds like a great opening t.i.tle, but the reality is, well ... I'm ordinary. I know you're thinking, ”What's the big deal? So are most people. That's why it's called being ordinary.” The problem is, I live in a place where absolutely no one is ordinary. It's called Superopolis, and, as you might guess with a name like that, this is a city where everyone has some sort of superpower.
n.o.body knows why everyone here has a power. Maybe it's something in the water. Or maybe there's a radioactive meteor buried under the city. Everyone here also eats a lot of potato chips, but I doubt that has anything to do with it. Whatever the cause, it clearly has no effect on me.
You're probably wondering by now what my real name is. Well, I'm wondering, too. You see, in Superopolis, everyone's name has something to do with his or her superpower. It doesn't take too long before a baby starts showing some sort of power-like being able to float, for instance. Then the parents will probably start calling him Floating Baby. They may come up with something a little more original if they happen to be clever-but, frankly, most people aren't. Then, when he gets older, he'll become Floating Boy, and as an adult he'll be known as Floating Man. Get it? That's what happened to me. My parents waited around a long time to give me a name, but all they could say about me was ”He's so ordinary.” So it stuck, and Ordinary Boy I am.
This is my entry in the Li'l Hero's Handbook Li'l Hero's Handbook . Inspiring, isn't it? In spite of what it says about me (which I have to admit is basically correct), the handbook is really pretty fantastic. It gives all sorts of handy information on the people, places, and things of Superopolis. I carry it with me constantly. . Inspiring, isn't it? In spite of what it says about me (which I have to admit is basically correct), the handbook is really pretty fantastic. It gives all sorts of handy information on the people, places, and things of Superopolis. I carry it with me constantly.
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NAME: Ordinary Boy. Ordinary Boy. POWER: POWER: None. None. LIMITATIONS: LIMITATIONS: Where do we begin? Where do we begin? CAREER: CAREER: Currently enrolled in Watson Elementary; member of the Junior Leaguers. Currently enrolled in Watson Elementary; member of the Junior Leaguers. CLa.s.sIFICATION: CLa.s.sIFICATION: Unique among Superopolitans, Ordinary Boy's lack of any power earns him our sympathy. Unique among Superopolitans, Ordinary Boy's lack of any power earns him our sympathy.
As the handbook makes abundantly clear, everyone here, except for me, has a superpower. The thing is, though, they only have one one power. You won't find some guy who can fly power. You won't find some guy who can fly and and has X-ray vision has X-ray vision and and is strong enough to lift a truck. It just doesn't work that way. It's one power and one power only. Sadly, just as with looks, talent, and brains, the powers that people end up with are hardly equal. is strong enough to lift a truck. It just doesn't work that way. It's one power and one power only. Sadly, just as with looks, talent, and brains, the powers that people end up with are hardly equal.
Some folks have an awesome power, like the Amazing Indestructo, who can't be harmed by anything. And I mean anything anything! There isn't even some goofy, arbitrary substance-like, say, cottage cheese-that he's vulnerable to. He's the leader of Superopolis's most popular group of superheroes, the League of Ultimate Goodness. We never hear much about the other members because the Amazing Indestructo gets all the attention.
On the other hand, there are plenty of people who have powers that are less impressive, like this kid in my cla.s.s named Puddle Boy. He can create puddles wherever he wants, but who cares? And, to be honest, I'm not entirely certain what those puddles are even made of. Ick! Some things are better left unknown.
Most powers fall somewhere in between, like the Green Thumb, who can make plants grow instantly and owns a successful landscaping business here in [image]
NAME: Amazing Indestructo, The. Amazing Indestructo, The. POWER: POWER: Invulnerable to all harm. Invulnerable to all harm. LIMITATIONS: LIMITATIONS: None. Oh, to be so perfect! None. Oh, to be so perfect! CAREER: CAREER: Leader of the League of Ultimate Goodness for nearly twenty-five years. Leader of the League of Ultimate Goodness for nearly twenty-five years. CLa.s.sIFICATION: CLa.s.sIFICATION: Superopolis's greatest hero.* Superopolis's greatest hero.*
*SELF-PROCLAIMED.
Superopolis. Even the folks with a lesser power usually find some way to make a living off it. After all, not everyone can grow up to become a crime-fighting superhero-although, of course, that's what every kid in Superopolis wants to be.
As babies, our silk diapers double as our first costumes. By the time we're walking we've begun wearing tights; and once we reach school age, accessories like capes, belts, and masks have become part of every kid's wardrobe. Even the people who don't go on to careers as crime fighters still wear a costume of some kind. Except for me. Since I don't have any kind of power at all, I usually just wear jeans and a T-s.h.i.+rt.
As it says in my profile, I'm part of a team called the Junior Leaguers. It includes Halogen Boy, who glows brighter depending on the amount of apple juice he's been drinking; Tadpole, who can stick his tongue out as far as twenty feet; Plasma Girl, who can turn herself into this goopy jelly-like substance-and then there's Stench. Everything about this guy is strong, especially ... well, I'll bet you can gas-uh, I mean guess from his name.
I'd like to say that we're always out battling the forces of evil, but the truth is we spend most of our time hanging around our secret headquarters, eating potato chips and reading the latest comic book adventures of the Amazing Indestructo. Despite the fact that I'm ordinary, they still treat me like a full member of the team.
I'm not sure why I'm so ordinary. Both of my parents have superpowers. My dad, Thermo, is able to make his hands incredibly hot. It may not sound like much of a power, but he can do some amazing things. Lately, he's been trying to become a member of the League of Ultimate Goodness, but he keeps getting turned down. I don't know why. He'd be more useful than most of the current members.
My mom's power is even cooler. And I mean that literally. She can freeze anything just by staring at it really hard. Her name is Snowflake. Sometimes I wonder if their powers canceled each other out when they had me.
Of course, when they were younger, my parents spent most of their time fighting crime. After all, that's what people with superpowers do-at least until they realize they have to get real jobs. Just like any town, ours has some people who aren't very nice. Only here, those people have superpowers, too, which I guess makes them supervillains. It makes sense. You can't really be a superhero if you don't have any villains to battle.
The worst of them is a guy named Professor BrainDrain. Like his name implies, he can boost his own brain power by draining the intelligence of others. In Superopolis, this can be a big problem since a lot of people here don't exactly have an excess of smarts to begin with. After all, who needs brains when you have a superpower? Professor Brain-Drain uses his super-smarts to devise all sorts of devious schemes. Luckily, the Amazing Indestructo never fails to foil his plans, which is just one of the reasons he's hands down my number one all-time favorite hero.
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SUPEROPOLIS.
The City of Heroes! Superopolis is bordered on the east by the Ornery Ocean and on the west by the impa.s.sable Carbunkle Mountains. The exact date that the city was settled is unknown, due in large measure to a complete lack of curiosity on the part of Superopolis's citizens. Current residents consider it the perfect place to live and raise families-despite alarmingly frequent volcanic and seismic activity in the area. For an overall view of the city and its environs, please consult the map at the beginning of this book.
CHAPTER ONE.
The Cavities of Doom
The Amazing Indestructo sniffed the air as if he could actually smell the odor of evil wafting through the skies of Superopolis. His head tilted one way-and paused-and then the other, revealing both of his perfect profiles. Then the rocket pack on his back burst into life, and he shot into the air like a pillar of fire.
He was only airborne for a matter of seconds before he spotted his quarry. The Brain-Drain Blimp! It looked almost peaceful as it hovered silently above the rooftops of Superopolis's warehouse district. But the Amazing Indestructo wasn't fooled by its pleasingly puffy shape. He knew evil lurked on board. And sure enough, as he watched, the blimp landed and Professor Brain-Drain's minions began unloading hundreds of cases of pilfered property. The Amazing Indestructo spoke into his wrist walkie-talkie.
”Attention, members of the League of Ultimate Goodness,” he announced. ”I have discovered where Brain-Drain is hiding the stolen tubes of McCavity's Ultra-Paste Tooth Whitener. I'm going in after him.”
He turned and looked right into the camera as he said this and flashed his own perfectly white teeth. A moment later, the scene cut to a commercial.
Wow! I thought to myself. I thought to myself. What I wouldn't give to be soaring through the air with Superopolis's greatest hero. What I wouldn't give to be soaring through the air with Superopolis's greatest hero. Instead, I had to settle for sitting on the couch on a Sat.u.r.day morning in my Amazing Indestructo pajamas, watching Instead, I had to settle for sitting on the couch on a Sat.u.r.day morning in my Amazing Indestructo pajamas, watching The Amazing Adventures of the Amazing Indestructo (and the League of Ultimate Goodness). The Amazing Adventures of the Amazing Indestructo (and the League of Ultimate Goodness). And, no, there isn't anything wrong with my typing. That's about the size of the credit that the rest of the league usually gets. And, no, there isn't anything wrong with my typing. That's about the size of the credit that the rest of the league usually gets.
This morning's episode was a new one. In it, AI (that's what we real fans call him for short) was trying to save Superopolis from his greatest enemy, Professor Brain-Drain, who had stolen the city's entire supply of toothpaste.
Brain-Drain is always trying to either take over or destroy Superopolis. He seems to change his mind from week to week as to which one he would rather do. In this week's episode the Professor had so far succeeded with his plan, and everyone's teeth had started to rot away. Everyone's except the Amazing Indestructo's, of course!
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As in most episodes, the other members of the League of Ultimate Goodness were helpless (this time because of loose teeth and really bad breath). There are currently ten of them, but usually only five appear in an episode. They always try to help and as the show returned, that's exactly what they were doing.
”The Amazing Indestructo needs us,” announced the Crimson Creampuff. ”We have to hurry to his aid.”
”Whoo-wee! Shurin' if yer breath ain't enough to bring down a whole heap o' bad guys,” said Whistlin' Dixie. ”And ma two front choppers are wigglin' so fierce I ken barely whistle in tune. I say we go help round up the varmint what done this!”
”Why bother?” groaned Major b.u.mmer. ”We've all got to go sometime. It might as well be from halitosis.”
This was pretty typical of Major b.u.mmer. He was always depressed and gloomy. I suppose that's how he got his name-although it might also have something to do with his really big b.u.t.t.
”I could try tunneling my way there,” proposed the Moleman, ”except my molars are killing me.”
”I can immobilize the Professor with my coils of spaghetti,” proclaimed Spaghetti Man. The truth is, a ninety-year-old grandmother could break out of the limp noodles he produces from his fingertips.