Part 116 (1/2)

BLOOM: _(With rollicking humour)_

I vowed that I never would leave her, She turned out a cruel deceiver.

With my tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom tooraloom.

HOPPY HOLOHAN: Good old Bloom! There's n.o.body like him after all.

PADDY LEONARD: Stage Irishman!

BLOOM: What railway opera is like a tramline in Gibraltar? The Rows of Casteele._(Laughter.)_

LENEHAN: Plagiarist! Down with Bloom!

THE VEILED SIBYL: _(Enthusiastically)_ I'm a Bloomite and I glory in it.

I believe in him in spite of all. I'd give my life for him, the funniest man on earth.

BLOOM: _(Winks at the bystanders)_ I bet she's a bonny la.s.sie.

THEODORE PUREFOY: _(In fis.h.i.+ngcap and oilskin jacket)_ He employs a mechanical device to frustrate the sacred ends of nature.

THE VEILED SIBYL: _(Stabs herself)_ My hero G.o.d! _(She dies)_

_(Many most attractive and enthusiastic women also commit suicide by stabbing, drowning, drinking prussic acid, aconite, a.r.s.enic, opening their veins, refusing food, casting themselves under steamrollers, from the top of Nelson's Pillar, into the great vat of Guinness's brewery, asphyxiating themselves by placing their heads in gasovens, hanging themselves in stylish garters, leaping from windows of different storeys.)_

ALEXANDER J DOWIE: _(Violently)_ Fellowchristians and antiBloomites, the man called Bloom is from the roots of h.e.l.l, a disgrace to christian men. A fiendish libertine from his earliest years this stinking goat of Mendes gave precocious signs of infantile debauchery, recalling the cities of the plain, with a dissolute granddam. This vile hypocrite, bronzed with infamy, is the white bull mentioned in the Apocalypse.

A wors.h.i.+pper of the Scarlet Woman, intrigue is the very breath of his nostrils. The stake f.a.ggots and the caldron of boiling oil are for him.

Caliban!

THE MOB: Lynch him! Roast him! He's as bad as Parnell was. Mr Fox!

_(Mother Grogan throws her boot at Bloom. Several shopkeepers from upper and lower Dorset street throw objects of little or no commercial value, hambones, condensed milk tins, unsaleable cabbage, stale bread, sheep's tails, odd pieces of fat.)_

BLOOM: _(Excitedly)_ This is midsummer madness, some ghastly joke again.

By heaven, I am guiltless as the unsunned snow! It was my brother Henry.

He is my double. He lives in number 2 Dolphin's Barn. Slander, the viper, has wrongfully accused me. Fellowcountrymen, _sgenl inn ban bata coisde gan capall._ I call on my old friend, Dr Malachi Mulligan, s.e.x specialist, to give medical testimony on my behalf.

DR MULLIGAN: _(In motor jerkin, green motorgoggles on his brow)_ Dr Bloom is bis.e.xually abnormal. He has recently escaped from Dr Eustace's private asylum for demented gentlemen. Born out of bedlock hereditary epilepsy is present, the consequence of unbridled l.u.s.t. Traces of elephantiasis have been discovered among his ascendants. There are marked symptoms of chronic exhibitionism. Ambidexterity is also latent. He is prematurely bald from selfabuse, perversely idealistic in consequence, a reformed rake, and has metal teeth. In consequence of a family complex he has temporarily lost his memory and I believe him to be more sinned against than sinning. I have made a perv.a.g.i.n.al examination and, after application of the acid test to 5427 a.n.a.l, axillary, pectoral and pubic hairs, I declare him to be _virgo intacta._

_(Bloom holds his high grade hat over his genital organs.)_

DR MADDEN: Hypsospadia is also marked. In the interest of coming generations I suggest that the parts affected should be preserved in spirits of wine in the national teratological museum.

DR CROTTHERS: I have examined the patient's urine. It is alb.u.minoid.

Salivation is insufficient, the patellar reflex intermittent.

DR PUNCH COSTELLO: The _fetor judaicus_ is most perceptible.

DR DIXON: _(Reads a bill of health)_ Professor Bloom is a finished example of the new womanly man. His moral nature is simple and lovable.

Many have found him a dear man, a dear person. He is a rather quaint fellow on the whole, coy though not feebleminded in the medical sense.