Part 115 (1/2)

indulgences, spurious coins, dairyfed pork sausages, theatre pa.s.ses, season tickets available for all tramlines, coupons of the royal and privileged Hungarian lottery, penny dinner counters, cheap reprints of the World's Twelve Worst Books: Froggy And Fritz (politic), Care of the Baby (infantilic), 50 Meals for 7/6 (culinic), Was Jesus a Sun Myth?

(historic), Expel that Pain (medic), Infant's Compendium of the Universe (cosmic), Let's All Chortle (hilaric), Canva.s.ser's Vade Mec.u.m (journalic), Loveletters of Mother a.s.sistant (erotic), Who's Who in s.p.a.ce (astric), Songs that Reached Our Heart (melodic), Pennywise's Way to Wealth (parsimonic). A general rush and scramble. Women press forward to touch the hem of Bloom's robe. The Lady Gwendolen Dubedat bursts through the throng, leaps on his horse and kisses him on both cheeks amid great acclamation. A magnesium flashlight photograph is taken.

Babes and sucklings are held up.)_

THE WOMEN: Little father! Little father!

THE BABES AND SUCKLINGS:

Clap clap hands till Poldy comes home, Cakes in his pocket for Leo alone.

_(Bloom, bending down, pokes Baby Boardman gently in the stomach.)_

BABY BOARDMAN: _(Hiccups, curdled milk flowing from his mouth)_ Hajajaja.

BLOOM: _(Shaking hands with a blind stripling)_ My more than Brother!

_(Placing his arms round the shoulders of an old couple)_ Dear old friends! _(He plays p.u.s.s.y fourcorners with ragged boys and girls)_ Peep! Bopeep! _(He wheels twins in a perambulator)_ Ticktacktwo wouldyousetashoe? _(He performs juggler's tricks, draws red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet silk handkerchiefs from his mouth)_ Roygbiv. 32 feet per second. _(He consoles a widow)_ Absence makes the heart grow younger. _(He dances the Highland fling with grotesque antics)_ Leg it, ye devils! _(He kisses the bedsores of a palsied veteran_) Honourable wounds! _(He trips up a fit policeman)_ U. p: up. U. p: up. _(He whispers in the ear of a blus.h.i.+ng waitress and laughs kindly)_ Ah, naughty, naughty! _(He eats a raw turnip offered him by Maurice b.u.t.terly, farmer)_ Fine! Splendid! _(He refuses to accept three s.h.i.+llings offered him by Joseph Hynes, journalist)_ My dear fellow, not at all! (He gives his coat to a beggar) Please accept. _(He takes part in a stomach race with elderly male and female cripples)_ Come on, boys! Wriggle it, girls!

THE CITIZEN: _(Choked with emotion, brushes aside a tear in his emerald m.u.f.fler)_ May the good G.o.d bless him!

_(The rams' horns sound for silence. The standard of Zion is hoisted.)_

BLOOM: _(Uncloaks impressively, revealing obesity, unrolls a paper and reads solemnly)_ Aleph Beth Ghimel Daleth Hagadah Tephilim Kosher Yom Kippur Hanukah Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth Asken.a.z.im Meshuggah Talith.

_(An official translation is read by Jimmy Henry, a.s.sistant town clerk.)_

JIMMY HENRY: The Court of Conscience is now open. His Most Catholic Majesty will now administer open air justice. Free medical and legal advice, solution of doubles and other problems. All cordially invited.

Given at this our loyal city of Dublin in the year I of the Paradisiacal Era.

PADDY LEONARD: What am I to do about my rates and taxes?

BLOOM: Pay them, my friend.

PADDY LEONARD: Thank you.

NOSEY FLYNN: Can I raise a mortgage on my fire insurance?

BLOOM: _(Obdurately)_ Sirs, take notice that by the law of torts you are bound over in your own recognisances for six months in the sum of five pounds.

J. J. O'MOLLOY: A Daniel did I say? Nay! A Peter O'Brien!

NOSEY FLYNN: Where do I draw the five pounds?

p.i.s.sER BURKE: For bladder trouble?

BLOOM:

_Acid. nit. hydrochlor. dil.,_ 20 minims _Tinct. nux vom.,_ 5 minims _Extr. taraxel. iiq.,_ 30 minims.

_Aq. dis. ter in die._

CHRIS CALLINAN: What is the parallax of the subsolar ecliptic of Aldebaran?