Part 5 (1/2)

Next stop: Babylon. Luckily for Cyrus, King Nabonidus-a commoner who'd seized power in a coup-was utterly incompetent. He foolishly alienated the important Babylonian priesthood by refusing to honor Marduk, Babylon's chief G.o.d. Even worse, he spent most of his time in faraway cities, rebuilding temples to other G.o.ds, which was pretty much the ancient version of a Jerry Springer throwdown.

While he was out of town, Nabonidus left his son Belshazzar in charge, but Belshazzar wasn't particularly interested in affairs of government. According to the Bible, a disembodied hand wrote a supernatural message on the wall of Belshazzar's palace reading, ”You have been judged, and found lacking, by the Persians.” The hand was right. In 539 BCE resistance in Babylon crumbled, and Cyrus entered the city as a liberator, without a drop of blood spilled. Nabonidus and Belshazzar were arrested and died in captivity.

Cyrus was ready to play by the rules. His first act was a visit to the temple of Marduk, where he made extravagant sacrifices and distributed bribes to the priests. Marduk's approval of Cyrus then became part of Persian propaganda: Cyrus later boasted that Marduk had chosen him to be ”king of the whole world.”

Cyrus also returned sacred objects stolen by the Babylonians from different subject peoples around the Middle East, earning huge goodwill from his new const.i.tuents. In his most famous act of toleration, he freed the Jews, held prisoner in Babylon since being kidnapped fifty years before, and gave them funds to rebuild the temple destroyed by Babylon's King Nebuchadnezzar. Cyrus also returned the gold vessels used in temple ceremonies that Nebuchadnezzar had stolen.

NOT CHOSEN, BUT NOT TOO BAD, EITHER.

Even though he wasn't Jewish, Cyrus is remembered by Jews as one of ”G.o.d's anointed,” a ”messiah” or ”savior” (but not the the Messiah/Savior). In ancient times, the Jews recognized virtuous gentiles who followed the most important injunctions-against idol wors.h.i.+p, murder, adultery, and so on-as ”righteous gentiles” or ”righteous among nations,” meaning they would be admitted to Paradise even if they didn't observe the sabbath. In modern times the state of Israel created an award for the ”Righteous Among Nations” to recognize gentiles who had helped Jews escape the Holocaust. Messiah/Savior). In ancient times, the Jews recognized virtuous gentiles who followed the most important injunctions-against idol wors.h.i.+p, murder, adultery, and so on-as ”righteous gentiles” or ”righteous among nations,” meaning they would be admitted to Paradise even if they didn't observe the sabbath. In modern times the state of Israel created an award for the ”Righteous Among Nations” to recognize gentiles who had helped Jews escape the Holocaust.

Cyrus's successors continued the imperial expansion at full throttle. Under his remote cousin Darius, the Persian empire reached its zenith. Modeling his enlightened government on Cyrus, Darius (another ”the Great”) followed local customs wherever possible. This local sensitivity helped mask the efficient centralized administration he created. Darius divided his huge empire into twenty ”satrapies,” or provinces ruled by ”satraps,” or governors. Each satrapy paid a certain amount of gold and silver as tribute to the Great King every year, and had to supply a certain number of troops in wartime. To combat corruption and keep the satraps under control, Darius employed the ”Great King's Eyes”-spies who made secret inspections and then reported back to him.

Persian domination was stable, and their empire, covering most of the known world, seemed destined to last forever. There was just one small problem: a feisty group of people living on the far western fringe of the empire who called themselves the Greeks...

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SO LONG, AND THANKS FOR ALL THE...

What Happens in Vegas...

Human beings have been degenerate gamblers since pretty much day one, and we have the archaeological evidence to prove it: dice. The first dice, made from the heel bones of hoofed animals, were used by Stone Age people around forty thousand years ago. Variants of these ”natural” dice-called astragali by archaeologists, from the scientific name of the heel bone-were used all over the world for thousands of years.

Then, around 1500 BCE, an Egyptian gambler made the first ”cubic” dice. While astragali produced respectably fair (i.e., random) results when tossed in the air, the ancient Egyptian gamer understood that a perfectly square object, with faces of identical size, should be even more random. The first Egyptian dice were made out of ivory-the start of an unfortunate trend that continued until the invention of plastic, costing many unlucky elephants their tusks (and lives).

The Egyptian dice were used to play a game with religious overtones called Senet, in which competing players tried to maneuver their ”souls” (pieces) into the afterlife. Despite its spiritual bent, the game was probably an occasion for betting-and the Egyptians had plenty of other games of chance if they ever got bored with Senet. In fact, gambling became such a problem that the pharaohs banned it, sending offenders to do hard labor in the royal quarries. Like most other attempts to control gambling throughout history, the royal decrees probably didn't have much of an impact.

Around 900 BCE, the Etruscans of northern Italy were using dice that pretty much resembled modern dice, with opposite sides containing markings that added up to seven: one and six, two and five, three and four. By this time, contemporary dice from other parts of the Mediterranean were being made from a variety of materials including bronze, agate, onyx, marble, rock crystal, amber, alabaster, and porcelain.

Of course, just as some humans have always been gamblers, some gamblers have always been cheats. Archaeologists excavating the ancient city of Pompeii-which was covered in ash by a volcano in 79 CE-found numerous sets of dice, including several loaded pairs.

Tamales (con Salsa!)

In addition to an incredibly precise calendar and the number zero, the Olmec people of Central America also invented the delicious tamale-a thick piece of dough made from ground corn, which can be used to wrap and cook an endless variety of tasty ingredients. Mexican restaurants everywhere owe the Olmec a major round of gracias gracias!

The basic stone tools for grinding corn-the mano and metate-date back to pre-Olmec times, with archaeological evidence from before 1500 BCE. Women used the cylindrical mano like a rolling pin, to crush corn kernels on the curved surface of the metate. However, the ”cla.s.sic” tamale probably didn't emerge until after 1000 BCE, when a clever cook in Guatemala discovered the secret to getting the full nutritional value from corn: the kernels must be cooked with lime or wood ash to release the vitamin B3 (niacin), which is critical to human health. (niacin), which is critical to human health.

TAKE YOUR VITAMINS.

Niacin deficiency leads to a dangerous disease called pellagra, which usually kills its victims after four or five years of painful skin lesions, diarrhea, and dementia. Fun, no?

Since a plain tamale is rather dull, the Olmec probably experimented with various sauces to spice it up, thus inventing the precursors to modern salsa. Although there's no physical evidence of salsa making, archaeologists and ethn.o.botanists (scientists who study agriculture) do know that the Olmec cultivated tomatoes, chiles, corn, and beans, thus providing plenty of ingredients for a protosalsa.

The main show, of course, was the filling inside the tamale. Here the Olmec had a wide variety of meats, including the usual favorites such as chicken, deer, wild pig, and sh.e.l.lfish, but also (brace yourself) dog, turtle, monkey, alligator, and various insects. Happily you won't find these latter ingredients in modern Mexican cuisine (usually).

Highways and Byways

The Great King of Persia had a lot of stuff to keep track of: east to west, from India to Greece, the Persian empire spanned three thousand miles. To keep the empire locked down-including the rebellious Ionian Greek colonies on the west coast of Anatolia-Darius I decided to build the world's first superhighway: a paved road running about sixteen hundred miles, from the imperial capital in Susa to the provincial capital of Sardis, near the west coast of Anatolia.

The project was a mind-boggling feat of engineering. As the Royal Road resembled other ancient paving projects, it probably called for a layer of clay, a layer of sand, a layer of gravel, and then a surface layer of large cobblestones. In many places it was just a matter of connecting existing local roads together-but then the old roads were repaved, too.

The road described by the Greek historian Herodotus included 111 lodges (roughly one every 15 miles) with free food, water, and bedding for travelers. The safety of travelers was personally guaranteed by the Great King, with Herodotus noting that ”through out...it is free from danger.” According to Herodotus, it took about three months to traverse the 1,600-mile distance-an incredibly short journey at that time.

The Royal Road encouraged east-west trade contacts, and also allowed the establishment of a lightning-fast postal service for the Persian rulers. The kings of Persia could send messages-and armies-to far-flung regions of their empire at a moment's notice.

”Nothing mortal travels so fast as these Persian messengers...These men will not be hindered from accomplis.h.i.+ng at their best speed the distance which they have to go, either by snow, or rain, or heat, or by the darkness of night. The first rider delivers his dispatch to the second, and the second pa.s.ses it to the third; and so it is borne from hand to hand along the whole line.”-Herodotus, on the Persian postal service

Setting the Bar Really High for Valentine's Day

Although he's remembered in the Jewish Old Testament as a real SOB, King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon was apparently a nice family man at home. In fact, he built one of the seven ancient wonders of the world just to keep his wife happy.

Nebuchadnezzar had a problem with his beautiful young queen Amyitis, and unfortunately this meant he had a political problem too. Amyitis was a princess from Medea (in modern-day Iran), and the Babylonian king had married her to cement an alliance with the Medes. But Amyitis complained that the Mesopotamian desert was depressing; she missed the greenery and mountain streams of her homeland. So Nebuchadnezzar brought the mountains to her.

Most of what we know about the Hanging Gardens of Babylon is based on sketchy descriptions in ancient sources-including its distinctive name, which sounds a bit weird to modern ears (from a distance, the gardens probably appeared to be suspended or ”hanging” in midair).