Chapter 46 (2/2)

Yan You did not give up the me like this, he would gently caress my face, would firmly tell me: wait until you get better, and we will get married.

I receive energy from this moment, at least I still have him. My lover said: he would wait for me to get better and then get married.

And so, I agreed to accept treatment, leaving the black long hair that had once come down to my waist, to fall off, leaving myself to quickly become pale and thin, leaving myself to become a humble patient struggling for life in the hospital room. A very subtle light is flas.h.i.+ng within me, I think to myself, perhaps the heavens will give me a miracle, I would continue to live on healthily, for those that love me.

But which one of them will tell me, exactly who truly loves me?

Who?

Even if……there's just one.

That day, I was lying in bed, quietly reading a book, the nurse making rounds, casually asks me with a smile: ”An Ran, does your sister have boyfriend now?”

I raise my head from the book, An Qing has a boyfriend? I've never heard her mention this ah. Or is she no longer talking to me about her troubles because I've been lying in the sickbed for four months? I also smile as I say: ”Is that so ah, how do you know?”

”I just ran into your sister at the Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, I casually asked the obstetrics and gynaecology doctor, the doctor said your sister is already two months pregnant, congrats, congrats ah.”

Pregnant? An Qing is two months pregnant?

”En, will have to treat you to wedding candy when the time comes.” I say without a change of expression, in fact, huge waves had already set off in my heart.

A lot of emotions rolling around in my heart, anger, impatience, fl.u.s.ter and pain. Why would An Qing be pregnant? Has she told Mum and Dad she's dating someone? What kind of a person is her boyfriend? Would he treat her well in future?

I fretfully throw the book to a side, I'll have to ask An Qing when she comes, exactly what is going on here?!

After I see An Qing, I don't hold back at all in asking about my doubts, An Qing is shocked at first, then saddens, after that, she kneels down before me.

”An Ran, I'm pregnant, I, I really love this child, I also love its father, An Ran, I will give birth to it.”

”What about the child's father then, what is he prepared to do?” I calmly ask.

”He?” An Qing's expression is thoroughly at a loss, yet after a moment, she firmly says: ”He will marry me.”

I look at the sister who has always been incredibly close to me since young, asking with complicated emotions: ”Does he love you?”

Dejection flashes past An Qing's face, ”Love? Perhaps not. But An Ran, I have a lot of time with him, I would make him slowly fall in love with me.” Her eyes contains tears as she looks at me and asks: ”He will love me, isn't that right? An Ran, I love him so much, we will be together for a long long time, we will become husband and wife, we would accompany each other till old……”

I don't know why I feel so pained, reaching out to embrace her, saying: ”That's right ah, he will love you, An Qing is such a lovable brat, will be very happy, very happy.”

An Qing hugs me back, very tightly, tight to the point my heart was starting to hurt.

I thought that was because our sisterly love runs deep.

My days in the hospital continues, by my side I have Yan You, have An Qing, have Mum and Dad, have what I myself, thought was doting love. If that day, An Qing didn't tell me the truth, if, if……

In this world, where are there so many ifs.

At that time, my vision had already started to blur, I was incapable of clearly seeing the slight interactions between people, I was just like a blind person with open eyes, watching the lively lovers escape from right under my eyes.

That day, there was a nice breeze and beautiful suns.h.i.+ne, the doctor tells me, my health has been taking a turn for the good recently, should this continue, the situation would make a great turn for the better.

That day, there was no cloud in sight, my only sister - An Qing - kneels before me and word by word says: ”An Ran, Mum and Dad told me not to tell you, but I still decided to tell you. I'll be getting married tomorrow, to Yan You.”

”An Ran, Yan You and I are together.”

”The matter between him and I……perhaps you can guess, he got drunk, mistaking me for you, and then I got pregnant……”

”An Ran, I don't expect to receive your blessing, I just want to tell you, you are my older sister, I love you.”

I remember fiercely slapping her, gritting my teeth as I say: ”Get lost.”

I watch her back figure, feeling like my heart had been pierced by a knife, flesh and blood badly mutilated.

I wanted to ask why, but the words wouldn't come out.

Alright, with the above, my story has come to an end.

Thank you all for listening to me, right now, I am on my way to their wedding, I took advantage of the moment the nurses weren't paying attention to slip out, I want to go and see the wedding I dreamt of, even if the bride isn't me.

I already changed out of my patient outfit, sneakily moving along amongst the guests, hiding in the shadows as I watch the elated parents from both sides, watch the slightly gloomy groom and bashful bride.

I watch the host bring laughter with eloquence, watch the onlookers congratulate and applaud, watch the new couple accept other people's blessings.

I watch them take out the rings, vowing to one another:

”I do.”

My mouth is filled with the strong taste of blood, I want nothing more than to dig my nails deeply into my own flesh, how could I possibly give my blessing, I hate them so much, hate the people I had once thought loved me.

Amongst the liveliness, I seem to hear the sound of broken strings, so clear, so cutting.

I have stood for far too long, too tired to stand anymore.

I hear the guests crying out ”someone fainted”, I see everyone's line of sight gather on me, I see An Qing and my parents' surprised and fearful expression, I see heart-piercing pain on Yan You's handsome and reserved face……

I think my tears are falling.

I'm in so much pain.

But I know I will no longer be in pain anymore.

I will no longer be An Ran, never ever will be again, nor am I willing to be.

Quick update to get this over with, it’s so depressing… T^T