Chapter 46 (1/2)

Chapter Forty-Six

Side Chapter: Past Life

h.e.l.lo everyone, good morning, good afternoon, good evening.

I am An Ran. (smiles)

Apologies, perhaps my opening line is a little tacky, but please forgive my rigidness and boringness, just because, as someone who is about to lose their life, I really don't have the pleasure to come up with something that starts off with a beautiful bang.

I just want to quietly, dully, narrate my life, regardless of the happiness, anger, sorrow, joy.

The friends that are willing to listen may brew a cup of hot tea, slowly feel the warmth that the tea brings to you, then, quietly listen to the story that belongs to me.

Let us start now then.

I already said I'm called An Ran, twenty-six years old this year, is the general manager's secretary of a global car company, personality is the same as the majority of twenty-six year old women, I have an ordinary family, also have a boyfriend of three years.

I shall talk about my family first.

My family is cla.s.sed as the very common fairly well-off, my parents have a pair of daughters, me and my sister, who is a year younger than me.

From my memory of childhood, our family was not very wealthy, my parents had worked all year round, hence having no time to take care of me, the daughter that was born against their plans. They would entrust me to my grandparents’ place to be looked after, and I would spend the entire day playing on the emerald green gra.s.s or small countryside roads with children from the countryside. Amongst the group of children, I was considered a little boss, leading them to naughtily cause mischief, one bad mood and I would order people around -- look at this, such a little bully.

The above have brought me memories full of laughter and cheers from acting recklessly.

This is the most pure, most valuable, childhood in my life, just that one cannot return to those times after it had past, taking away those blissful laughter and innocence, only leaving me the vague feeling of melancholy when I occasionally recall those times.

The amount of times I saw my parents in childhood, is not much, every year, would pretty much only meet once at new year. I would always hide behind the elders as I secretly eye up those two unfamiliar, yet familiar adults, and then timidly smile at them. I would also see that sister of mine that's a year younger, unlike my tanned skin and stubborn monkey-like personality, she had a fair white face and a quiet personality, my buddies would always say she's an angel --- that's right, in my eyes, she is an angel.

At the age of seven, I left Grandma's place and headed to the city, living together with Dad, Mum, and also Sister, and in the following days, I feel like I'm a pitiful child, extremely lonely.

My dad like to hold Sister on his lap and listen to her act spoilt, listen to her soft voice tell him the interesting matters that happened in school, listen to her furrow her brows and express her anger at him.

---but he would never hold me, would never say more than five sentences to me.

My mum likes to nag at Sister, clear pampering carried within her tone of lecturing, lightly patting her little hand and say: ”Be like that again next time and I'll throw you away!”

---but she would never tenderly 'lecture' me like that, she would only furrow her brows in disgust when I accidentally break something, and then blame my grandmother.

I don't like such a life, really don't like it.

I started rebelling, started to also look at them with disgust, started to learn to not speak a single word to them for a month, back then, I felt I was so strong --- look, even without your doting love, I am also very strong.

The only one who was on good terms with me at home is Sister, she would sweetly smile at me, would occasionally argue with me, would sleep under the same blanket with me, she is the consolation to my heart, even though I would sometimes angrily think, why are they only nice to her?

I can be jealous, can be unsettled, can be angry, I am only a normal person.

During the long-term war with my parents, I had unknowingly grown up, raised to junior high, pa.s.sed the high school exam, went to university. Amongst this, I went through many different experiences, regarding love, friends.h.i.+p, and discouraging family relations.

I fell down many times, climbed back up many times, then continued to fall and climb up again --- life is just like this, a repet.i.tive cycle of failure and success.

I left home and started working, only going back to see them once every few years, then one particular time, I see my parents' exhausted faces after two years, I suddenly realise I have grown up.

I've grown up, I would take a good look at their gradually aging faces, would feel pained by the sight of their whitening hair, would feel warmth from the happy smile they reveal, would try to slowly forget the unpleasant past……

My interaction with them gradually increases, they still dote on Sister much more, would reveal the tone and behaviour from back then when I stay a little longer, but I think to myself, this isn't important, I think to myself, I've already grown up, I understand they love me too, just that they don’t love me as much.

I care about the occasional warmth, I'm very satisfied, because this is my family.

Sister has also grown up, a tall figure and beautiful face, as well as a reserved personality. Sister would reveal the mischievous side of hers that no one else sees in front of me, I feel very proud. This is my younger sister, the closest of relations flows in our blood.

We are sisters, sisters that had made an oath to continue loving one another to the end.

Alright, already finished talking about my family now, the following will be about my love life.

During my time of budding youth, I of course had romantic affection towards boys, also went through short periods of dating. Thinking back to it now, it seems that I was dating in order to not be single, dating in order to tell others I have a boyfriend, the love back then was so shallow and unreal, causing me to become hesitant to date later on --- I find it very uninteresting, very boring, very meaningless.

But at the age of twenty-three, I still took a step forward, I fell in love with my boss.

That's right, my boyfriend is the manager, I am his secretary. After a year of interaction, the manager and manager's secretary that has the highest level of romantic ambiguity had also set foot on the most common path --- the hare eats the gra.s.s around its burrow, and then under everyone's optimistic or not-so-optimistic eyes, they happily start dating, until the third year.

That year's early spring is still ever so comfortable and pleasant, we met one another's parents and decided to get married on May Day, we were preparing to establish a perfect home and then give birth to an adorable baby for accompaniment, just that life had already become a drama, happiness cannot belong to me, it will always be an illusion of mine.

I had once again fainted.

Fainted whilst taking beautiful wedding pictures, I originally thought it was just fainting from exhaustion, but after a health check, I received a news that came like a thunderbolt.

The doctor says, it's blood cancer.

Ha, that's absurd, what did he say? Blood cancer? Cancer? How funny, such terminal illness that has nothing to do with normal people within their eight lifetimes, how did it come out in me? Please do not joke around with me!

But what does his words mean? He said this is a terminal illness, he said this is already the advanced stage of cancer, he lectures me on why I haven't been paying attention to my own body, he says the young people nowadays has no health awareness.

He said, should you not receive treatment, your days……will only last half a year.

But Doctor, I really want to ask you, by accepting the treatment, how much longer do I get?

I'm only twenty-six years old, I'm preparing to marry my boyfriend, I had just started planning for a baby, I'm about to start a happy life of this lifetime……

I just want to live on happily, can I……not even have this?

I start to fear, manic and afraid of death, my parents' faces of sorrow and despair, An Qing's swelled up eyes, the look of denial carried in the pitying eyes of Yan You's parents……

I would uncontrollably grab onto Yan You's arms and cry endlessly, mouth repeating: Yan You, I don't want to die.