Part 46 (1/2)

I blinked. Blinked again. Rubbed my eyes. Oh, G.o.d. They were still there.

”Dixie? Frankie! What are you doing here?”

Which, of course, should have been painfully obvious considering neither one of them had a st.i.tch on.

”Tressa? Is that you?”

They stared. I could only imagine the spectacle I made in my yeoman's uniform, complete with s.h.i.+ny black boots and saggy black hose, a hosiery cap bobby-pinned to my head.

I stared back, hoping I wasn't traumatized for life by the spectacle on display in front of me.

I shook my head, hoping for an Etch-a-Sketch, make-it-disappear moment.

”No time to explain!” I yelled, and reached out and grabbed hold of a wet, sleek, and slim-lined Frankie. I shoved him on the slide, head first, belly down, and flopped onto his back.

Whis.h.!.+ Off we went!

Go greased lightning! Or...whatever.

Water splashed up at me as I leaned into the incline. I heard a high-pitched scream unique to my cousin, Frankie, and decided-what the h.e.l.l-I might as well enjoy the ride and adding my scream to his.

We approached the bottom. I felt Frankie tense for the impact. Too late, I realized stomach down probably wasn't the optimal position for a naked dude to a.s.sume when going down a water slide.

Or a naked anybody for that matter.

I rolled free of Frankie and quickly lost speed. Free of my weight, (Hey now, play nice.) Frankie gained speed, flying off the end of the slide and into the gra.s.s like a projectile from a slingshot. He careened into the feet of a fleeing Kenny the Klingon Caricaturist, dropping him to the ground. I entered the gra.s.s, hose around my ankles. I crawled over to Kenny the Klingon and collapsed on top of him. Drew Van Vleet, curled up in a fetal position, moaned nearby. Behind us, screams ripped through the air like war cries from James T. Kirk's enemy, Khan.

”Aaaah!”

I looked up in time to see Keelie and Dixie vying for position down the slide. Dixie took the heat by a...er, nose.

Once arms and limbs were untangled, Keelie made her way over to me.

”You got him,” she said, breathless.

I shook my head.

”Frankie, the human pin ball, got him.”

I shook the Klingon.

”Yeoman First Cla.s.s Tressa Jayne Turner and Lieutenant Keelie Keller representing the Starfleet Federation,” I announced. ”Now, about the terms of your surrender.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE.

The tangle of naked limbs on a gra.s.sy hill.

The type of phrase you find in romance novels to describe a poignant and beautiful encounter.

It can also be used to describe the ”it's a train wreck but I can't look away” carnage that played out at the bottom of the infamous naked slide. By the time their various owners claimed arms and limbs, two things occurred to me.

One: Some people should never take a ride on the wild side naked.

And, two: This cowgirl should under no circ.u.mstances ever wear panty hose-control top or otherwise.

”What happened?”

”What the h.e.l.l?”

”I think I broke something.”

”Oww! You're sitting on my face!”

”Tressa Turner, I will end you!”

That last remark came from Dixie, the Denebian Slime Devil.

”I trust you'll don some apparel first,” I said, moving aside to let Keelie sit on Kenny a spell.

”Okay maggot. Spill it! Where is she? Where's my best friend?” Keelie planted a hand on each side of Kenny's head and stared down at him.

”She's safe,” Kenny said. ”From you! You dare to call her your best friend after the way you've treated her.”

”Where is she?” Keelie grabbed his collar, looking like she was ready to conduct some Starfleet enhanced interrogation.

”Whoa! Everybody chill out,” I said.

”Chill out? Is that a naked joke?” Dixie snarled.

I shook my head. ”I'm saving those up for later.” I turned back to Kenny. ”You said Tiara's someplace safe. What did you mean?”

”What do you think I mean? Someone almost abducted her the other night. I couldn't take a chance it would happen again.”

I frowned. ”What do you mean, someone almost abducted her. That wasn't you?”

He shook his head. ”That's why I had to take her. To keep her safe. She's my soul mate.”

”Soul mate!” Keelie shrieked, grabbing his s.h.i.+rt again. ”She doesn't even know you!”

”That's why I had to do something really big to get her attention. To show her how much I cared.”

”So you started stalking me?”

”It was never about you.” Kenny gave Keelie a dismissive look. ”It was always about Tiara. About trying to help Tiara.”