Part 25 (2/2)

I cut him off. ”It doesn't take a genius to know-”

”It was something,” he shouted. Derek's fists clenched and I could sense him wanting to shake me, to throttle me until I was no longer this cold, heartless b.i.t.c.h in front of him. ”She didn't drink that much to put herself in the hospital. She was just doing something, anything to stop herself. Addiction doesn't make sense. You know this. Deep down, I know you know this. Mark was at work, I didn't answer”-he paused, like it pained him to have failed her-”and you being you, she probably figured you would judge her for her cravings and abandon her all over again.”

I stumbled back, my hip digging into the counter, feeling his words like a slap to the face. The sting only slightly lessened by the fact that Derek seemed to share my pain, his face flinching even before he had finished the sentence.

”I'm sorry, Naomi,” he whispered, shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose. My brother looked defeated and sad, so very f.u.c.king sad. ”I love you. I didn't mean that and I know she-”

And that was all it took. I'm sorry and I love you. Words he shouldn't of had to say, because I knew I was the one who was wrong. His words were harsh, sure, but they were necessary. He must have known he'd need something like this in order to shake me out of my numbness.

I'd been unforgiving. I'd yelled at our mother, even as she was trying to get better. I'd ignored her, even as she tried to reach out. I'd alienated Derek, even when he had tried to be understanding. I'd pushed Damien away, even though all he wanted was to be there for me. To love me.

All faults of mine, and he was apologizing and telling me he loved me anyway. Why hadn't I done the same for her? Why hadn't I loved her anyway? Why hadn't I forgiven her anyway?

Everyone else had done it. Why hadn't I?

”Forget it,” I said quickly, cutting him off. I didn't know how much more I could take.

”Naomi.” He reached for me but I was already pulling away and skirting around him. The final tethers of my control had snapped with his words and I knew I was seconds away from completely unraveling.

”I'm sorry,” I mumbled, eyes on the ground by his feet as the first drops threatened to fall. Before he could say another word, I was sprinting away from him, out the door and finally, out of control.

A loud knocking echoed through the apartment, almost rivaling the rare Arizona storm raging outside. I knew it couldn't be from Naomi's tiny fists, but I still tried to be optimistic. My hopeful expression flattened when I saw that there was indeed a Donahue on my doormat. Unfortunately, it was the wrong one.

”Derek.” I nodded and crossed my arms over my chest as I waited for an explanation.

”Hey.” He looked over my shoulder before rubbing the back of his neck. His s.h.i.+rt was plastered to his chest and his hair hung in a wet mop over his forehead. ”Is Naomi here by chance? Or have you heard from her?”

I straightened and dropped my arms, alarmed. ”No, why? What happened? Is she okay?” It had taken everything in me to stay away today. When Alara called me last night and told me that Naomi had been there since that morning, I practically sprinted out of my apartment. I'd already started the car when she begged me to give Naomi time, saying she'd come out of her numbness, but she needed to work her own way through it. Well, based on the look on Derek's face, whatever the f.u.c.k had happened was bad. So I was done listening to anyone but myself. And my body, heart, mind, and soul screamed that I had to find her.

”Yeah, calm down, she's fine. But...” He trailed off and grimaced.

”That doesn't sound like she's f.u.c.king fine,” I growled.

He hung his head. ”We got in a fight this afternoon and when she left, she was pretty upset.”

I didn't even bother asking what the fight was about. It would be pointless. The only question I asked was, ”What the h.e.l.l did you say to her?”

Derek's face radiated guilt, sadness, and defeat. ”Look, I said some s.h.i.+t I shouldn't have, okay? I'm aware of that. I don't need to repeat it all and have you make me feel worse. But I don't know where she is,” he said, his voice turning to panic near the end. ”I just know she's finally cracking, and I think you're probably the only one who can find her and help her.” It took a lot for him to admit that, I could see it in the stubborn lines in his forehead and the frown on his lips.

My jaw ticked as I turned around, grabbing my wallet and car keys off the side table by the door, before shoving Derek back and slamming the door shut.

”Where are you going?” he hollered as I took the steps down two at a time. Between my speed and the slickness of the steps, I was seriously f.u.c.king lucky I hadn't just broken my neck.

When I got to the bottom, I turned around and glared. I knew he was hurting just as much as I was, but I couldn't focus on that. I could only focus on Naomi, and the way he hurt her even more. ”I'm going to help the girl I love, the girl I'm sure you just destroyed.”

I ran toward my car, and never looked back.

She was at the hospital.

I never understood how Ellie claimed to know she was having a boy. I never believed she had this inherent sense of knowledge just because she loved her child, but I got it now. Because for no reason whatsoever, I knew Naomi was at the hospital.

Walking through the front doors, I bypa.s.sed the front desk and walked down the hallway toward the garden built out back. I stopped short for just a moment when I saw Mark standing at the window, looking distraught as he stared outside. He stepped back when he heard me coming and began walking my way until we met in the middle.

”She's outside.” He pointed toward the set of doors he had just been standing in front of. ”There's a small picnic area out there. She's lying next to it.”

I didn't hesitate, I said nothing as I immediately walked by him and started for the doors. My water-logged shoes made a strange noise against the floor as my deliberate strides carried me closer. I could already hear the slap of the rain against the concrete and feel the sting of the wind when I stopped at the doors. But when I looked through the small window, the chill that spread through me had nothing to do with the cold rainwater already soaking my clothes.

My heart dropped at the sight of Naomi lying in the center of what was supposed to be a ”tranquil” area. Nothing about it felt tranquil right now.

I gently opened the door and felt the immediate smack of rain against my face once more. Naomi was quiet, but as the wind howled and the sky cried, I swore it was her anguish I was hearing.

And that was when I realized that strong things had a breaking point, too.

Strong girls got hurt, too.

They cried.

They yelled.

They broke.

I was lying on the cold, wet cement as the rain beat down on and around me. Slowly I extended my arms on both sides until they were stretched as far as possible. My s.h.i.+rt and running shorts were soaked and small puddles of water were pooling in the heels of my shoes as I accepted the punishment from the sky. The four-leaf clover necklace I'd put on at the library two nights ago laid heavy against my chest.

A crack of thunder hit just as a shadow came into view.

”This is pretty dramatic, even for you,” Damien yelled over the thunder. I might have jumped if I hadn't felt so cold. I closed my eyes briefly before looking up to see his dirty blond hair darker than usual as it stuck to his forehead. His eyes radiated sadness and concern as he looked down at me. I watched a single drop travel down his forehead and the bridge of his nose to land on his downturned lips, before disappearing into the rest until I couldn't distinguish it from the others.

”Go away,” I mumbled as I s.h.i.+fted my gaze to the wallowing sky.

”Naomi.” His voice broke as he said my name and I closed my eyes once more to avoid the look on his face. I stayed silent, even as I felt his presence over me, even as he lifted me up and held me close. My arms stayed by my side. My body stayed taut and my heart stayed mine.

”I'm sorry,” he whispered in my ear. I didn't think it was possible, but my body tensed up even more. My fists clenched tighter until my nails were biting into the skin of my palm. My jaw repeatedly ticked as it tried to hold everything back.

”Let me take care of you,” Damien murmured. The soft words should have been rea.s.suring, and his warm breath ghosting over my frozen ear should have been comforting. But they did the opposite, they set off the anger inside of me, until I felt like there was so much sadness and anger inside me that I ceased to exist. I started to feel like I was on earth for the sole purpose of teaching the world what those emotions meant.

Control them.

Control them.

Control.

Control.

Control.

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