Vol 2 Chapter 15 (1/2)
Chapter 31: Deployment
Myabe because it is the Winter and it’s cold outside, but I’ve suddenly turned lazy and always eating. Sometimes I think of a delicious food and I can’t sleep at night wanting to eat it. Huo Qu Bing orders the kitchen to add a talented night s.h.i.+ft chef so that I can eat anything I want during the night.
Even though he offered to keep me company if I’m bored eating by myself, but during the day he has to train the army and then attend court, so I don’t want to make him even more tired. I quietly sneak out to eat and then slip back when I’m done. He’s used to me moving next to him when I sleep, so when I leave I try to be fleet and he almost never notices. But when I return, because it’s so cold outside and my body is still chilly when I slip under the warm blankets, he always drowsily pulls me into his warm embrace despite the fact that I try to avoid making him cold with my cold body. His every move is unconsciously done, and that makes me feel a heart full of warmth.
Huo Qu Bing said he would give me time, and he stops doing or saying anything intended to gauge my feelings. Sometimes when I’m zoning off, he would never be like before and get angry or try to test me, but instead he would walk away and gave me privacy and s.p.a.ce to work things out by myself.
In the past when I was feeling sad, I would lament the Heavens for never taking care of me. I was abandoned by my parents at birth, which isn’t that bad since I never had them so I can’t say I ever lost them. But then I met Papa, and right when I’m being pampered and cared for, turning into a real person and loving him back, the Heavens take my Papa away in the blink of an eye. My childhood playmate died, and the person I admired and revered caused my Papa to kill himself. It was impossibly cruel.
I endured a lot of wandering in the endless yellow sand of the vast desert but it was not hard. What was hard was coming to Chang An and discovering the first blush of love of a young girl’s heart. If the meeting by the Yue Ya Spring was just a random encounter, then reuniting in Chang An felt like Heaven was deliberately playing a trick on me. I asked myself many times during that period – why did fate let us meet, but then turned all my longing into emptiness? I felt like the Heavens were tormenting me for their own sport.
But now, laying in Huo Qu Bing’s embrace, watching him sleep, I think to myself that the Heavens gave him to me. I know now that Heaven does care about me. Even though there is this and that between us, even though he cannot marry me.
I grab his hand, and even though he is sleeping, he subconsciously grabbed my hand back. I pick up his hand and kiss it. If our hands are tightly holding each other’s, then there is nothing we can’t overcome. Not Xi Yu, not Chang An. Whether it is the battlefield or the Palace, not even if it’s life or death.
Huo Qu Bing already attended court and has returned, but I am still snuggled under the covers. He tapped me on the forehead and sighed “When I was in the army base, I heard the old-timers talk about how a woman changes after she’s married so she’s like two completely different people. I didn’t believe then, but seeing you these days, I’ve come to accept that truth. The sun has already turned towards the West and you still haven’t woken up. Aren’t you hungry?”
I curl under the blankets and don’t move “I ate something earlier but then I felt lazy again and I don’t feel like moving.” He stuck his hand into the blanket and I try to avoid his icy paw. He tried to ice me again so I quickly sit up. He grabs some clothes for me “Get up! Yi Ping Ju has introduced new dishes and Zhao Puo Nu says it’s very tasty. Let’s go try it out.” I swallowed and immediately got my energy up. He looked at me and shook his head “Is there anything else in your brain these days other than eating?”
I c.o.c.k my head and think, giving him a sultry and pouty look “There is something else.” He smiled and said in a very soft and gentle voice “What is it?” I said in all seriousness “Drinking! The leek soup I had last night was so delicious!” His smile froze and he swatted me on the head, saying in an exasperated tone “Go wash up!”
The moment we step into Yi Ping Ju I see Jiu Ye. He’s wearing a blue robe and is as pure as the first snow on a mountain top. He’s listening to Tian Cao talk and smiling warmly, though it hides a faint melancholy. The moment he sees me, his eyes flash pain, and my footsteps stop of its own accord. I can’t move forward, I can’t move back. I turn to look at Huo Qu Bing with a worried expression, and even though he’s not looking peachy, he turns to smile warmly at me “If you don’t want to eat, we can go home.”
His warm smile sweeps away all my lingering shadows and clears my heart. I can’t keeping using avoidance. I can’t keep running away every time I see Jiu Ye, that is not fair to Qu Bing. I smile at Qu Bing “I want to eat” and his grip on my hand tightens once and his eyes light up.
Tian Cao stood up and bowed to Huo Qu Bing while Jiu Ye smiled and welcomed us to sit down with them. Tian Cao asked “Xiao Yu, what do you want to eat?” I laughed “Qu Bing said he was bringing me here to sample new dishes. What are they called?” and I turned to look at Qu Bing. He furrowed his brows “I forgot their names. No matter! Tell them to bring every one of their new dishes out.”
I pouted “Do you think I’m a pig! How can I possibly eat all that?” Qu Bing make an exaggerated expression of shock “Seeing your eating “performance” lately, what else do you think I can think about you. Of course you can eat it all. How can you not?” I wrinkled my nose and huffed, turning my face away to ignore him.
I b.u.mp into Jiu Ye’s dark eyes staring at me with hidden pain. I realize that my usual banter with Qu Bing shows him our intimacy and affection. Unconscious and effortless comfort such as this scene is like a sharp sword that can cut into the heart, and even a flash of this sword’s brilliance is enough to hurt him.
A covered dish is brought out and the waiter explains the dish as made with donkey meat to represent the mythical dragon meat, and is a perfect Winter dish. He took off the cover and instead of smelling alluring, it immediately turns my stomach. I rush over to the window and heave. The waiter hurried to give me a handkerchief and some tea, while Huo Qu Bing rubbed my back and looked worried “Where do you feel ill?”
I sip some tea and it makes me feel better “I don’t know, I just suddenly felt like retching.” Jiu Ye sits to the side and has a look of hidden despair in his eyes. He tells the waiter “Take away all the heavy dishes and bring some fresh tea, adding some dried orange peel in it.”
Huo Qu Bing helped me back to the table “Are you feeling better? Do you want to go back and see a doctor?” Jiu Ye stared at me and suddenly said “I’ll listen to your heartbeat.” I looked at Qu Bing who just smiled “I forgot there was a talented doctor sitting right here.”
Jiu Ye put his fingers on my wrist, but his fingertip is colder than ice. He was trying hard to control it, but I can feel the tips of his fingers shaking. He takes a long time to listen to my heartbeat, leaving Huo Qu Bing anxious and asking worriedly “What is it?’
Jiu Yu withdrew his hand and with a smile, a very pained smile, said “Congratulations are in order to General Huo. You’re going to be a father.” Huo Qu Bing sat there stunned for moments, and then he grabbed Jiu Ye’s arm and was in such joyful disbelief “What did you say?” Jiu Ye turned his head and looked out the window. His lips quivered and he was about to answer Huo Qu Bing but his voice was stuck in his throat and he couldn’t get the words out.
Tian Cao pushed Huo Qu Bing away and coldly said “Jiu Ye said General Huo, you are about to become a father.” And then he turned and softly said to Jiu Ye “Jiu Ye, let’s go home.” Jiu Ye was still looking out the window and he lightly nodded his head. Normally he’s so gracious and polite with proper etiquette, but today he’s so shaken that he doesn’t even say farewell or look back before leaving.
Huo Qu Bing just smiles at me with a dumb look of happiness and I also just sit there in a daze. Everything was so sudden, and even though I knew it was bound to happen….in another place, at another time, I would have been so ecstatic that I would be speechless. But today…..I touch my wrist and it still feels cold there. Huo Qu Bing suddenly picked me up and strode to the door. I let out an “ah” and then ask “What are you doing?”
Everyone in Yi Ping Ju falls silent and stares at us. I’m so embarra.s.sed that I bury my face in his chest and wished for hole to open up and swallow me. Huo Qu Bing could care less, or he simply ignores them all. He carries me into the carriage and calls out to the servant “Go to the Palace and summon the best physician.” I grab his arm “No! This is between us and I like it to be discreet. If the physician is summoned, everything will blow up. There are doctors aside from the Palace physicians.”
He stopped the servant and then turned to me “I’m just so happy that I forget to think things through, but…..” He smiled and grabbed my hand “I just want to shout to the world that I’m going to have a son.” His happiness is contagious and I lean on his shoulder and break into a smile. But then I sudden realize what he said and pinched him “What do you mean? If it’s a daughter you won’t be happy then?”
He quickly shook his head “Happy, I’m happy either way. If it’s a boy, I can teach him to ride, to hunt. I’m happy if it’s a girl, too. A little Yu Er, how could I possible not adore her? I want girls and boys. Let’s have a few more, and we can make our own football team. Father and sons on the field, I guarantee we’ll cream any other team so that they’ll lose even their pants in the match.”
I stare in shock “Do you think this is a sow dropping a litter?” He looked pleased “If you are willing.” I want to pinch him again, but this person is made of such thick skin. In and out of battles, he doesn’t blink at arrows or swords coming towards him. My little bit of strength is like tickling him. I decide to save my energy so I make a face and close my eyes. He gets nervous immediately “Yu Er, where are you not feeling well?”
I ignore him while resting on his shoulder, so that makes him even more nervous and he hollers outside “Back to the estate immediately!” and then added “But make sure the carriage doesn’t shake too much.” The driver was silent and then politely asked “Does the General want me to go faster or slower. If it’s faster then the carriage will surely shake.”
I can’t hide it any longer and burst out laughing. Huo Qu Bing realized what I did and lightly tapped me on the hand “Now you’ve resorted to these tricks to torment me.” “What can I do? I can’t beat you on brute strength alone, so all I can do is resort to weird tricks.” I smirked “And now I even have a hostage inside me. Let’s see if you’ll dare be mean to me from now on.”
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I don’t know how other women are like when they are pregnant, but other than dislike for smelling very pungent scented foods, everything else is normal with me. In the early months I would get lazy, but now I’m back to normal. I sleep well, I eat well, and if it wasn’t for Qu Bing’s stern eagle eye always trained on me reminding me that I wasn’t just taking care of myself, I probably could say that I was also playing well.
When I walk up to the swing I hear Qu Bing calling behind me “Yu Er.” I can only turn around and walk away. Finally a day dawns with bright sunlight during this Winter season and I ask him if we can go riding outside the city. He immediately answers “Don’t forget your state right now.” My state? All I’ve got is an extra little person inside of me. What’s such a big deal about that? And I’m even showing at all yet.
According to Hong Gu, a woman needs to turn a blind eye to her man, because if she spends her entire time keeping tabs on him, the end result won’t be the man staying by her side forever. She’ll just drive the man to find another place to go where he’s not being kept track of. But what about if a man constantly keeps track of a woman? Hong Gu was silent for a long time after I asked her, and then she said a woman needs to be thrilled about that, because it means he doesn’t want to even look at another woman. I was very upset to hear this. Not fair, so not fair!
At night I told Qu Bing the advice Hong Gu gave me, but I changed the genders around “A man needs to learn to turn a blind eye to a woman and stop keeping track of her all the time. If he keeps staring at her, the end result is……” I tried to indicate what he needed to do so he can re-a.s.sess the way he’s been behaving lately. He was reading a Xiong Nu map at his desk, and after he listened to what I said, he calmly replied “No one wants to die, and I will never give you the opportunity.”
I humph at him and look left and right, front and back, walked inside and outside the room, walked outside and inside the room, and there still remains nothing that I can do within his allowance parameters. He sighed and looked at me “Are you that bored?”
I pouted pitifully and nodded my head “All the maids have been lectured by Uncle Chen already and no one will play with me. In the past we could kick a shuttlec.o.c.k, swing on the swings, play hide-and-seek, duck-duck-goose, tag, or you’ll take me out to hunt in the mountains. But now I can’t do anything. And I can’t even read a book, the midwife said reading during pregnancy harms the body. They also won’t let me embroider. So what am I to do?”
He looked concerned “It does sound like you can’t do anything. How did all the pregnant women survive this ordeal?” I explain “That midwife you hired says that a pregnant woman must only do one thing, which is to eat more and rest more to make the stomach bigger and then have a fat baby.” I hold my hands out in front of my stomach and mimic a large ball.