Vol 2 Chapter 14 (1/2)

Chapter 30: Pa.s.sion Dance

I have no idea how I managed to return home. My entire body feels empty and I’m so exhausted I just want to collapse. When I enter the room I discover that the ceramic appliances have all been swept on the floor. The entire floor is a mess and I sigh with a heavy heart. I turn and rush to the Huo Estate.

Uncle Chen sees me and immediately calls out “The young master rushed home yesterday from the Palace, stopping by Yi Ping Ju to buy a few of your favorite snacks. He was so happy to be able to make it home in time to join you for dinner. He saw you weren’t here and I said I had sent someone to pick you up. He wanted to go pick you up personally. He was so excited when he left, but he didn’t come home all night. I thought he spent the night at your place. But when he came home this morning at dawn, he didn’t drink a sip of water or eat a morsel of food. He locked himself in his room and no one was allowed inside. Before you arrived, he just left the house with the worst expression on his face. I heard from Hong Gu that he didn’t eat anything yesterday as well and spent the night waiting for you in your room.”

Uncle Chen tried to stay mellow “Ms. Yu, Jiu Ye is indeed a good man, and we indeed owe him greatly…..” and his face looked apologetic “But our young master is unwaveringly devoted to you. Because of you, he even turned down the Emperor’s marriage decree. Other than the Empress and the General Great Wei, he’s upset all the other relatives in the family. I genuinely am sorry to you for what I did and I don’t want to say anymore. But…..ay!”

Qu Bing just got better, and despite looking like he’s completely recovered, there is no way he can endure this type of self-torture. Because I was so worried, my tone of voice was overly stern with him “Why didn’t any of you counsel him?” I said it and immediately realized how silly I was, Qu Bing would never listen to anyone’s advice. I apologize to Uncle Chen “I’m sorry for saying that. Do you know where Qu Bing went?” He shook his head “He wouldn’t let anyone follow him. He might’ve gone to see his mother, or maybe to the Princess’s estate, or perhaps to General Gong Xun’s estate. Or somewhere to drink.”

I turn around and head out “I’ll go find him.” From Princess Pingyang’s estate to General Gong Xun’s estate to the Chen estate, plus all the dancing houses and drinking halls in Chang An, he’s nowhere to be found. When I leave Tian Xiang House, it’s already dark of the night. Standing under the lantern outside Tian Xiang House, I stare into the pitch black night. Qu Bing, where are you?

I suddenly have a sliver of hope and wonder if maybe he went home. I hurry back to the Huo Estate but the door guard sees me and shakes his head. “The General has not returned yet. Housekeeper Chen has sent people searching for him but no one can find him.” I turn to walk back into the night without saying a word. Suddenly I think of one place he might be. It’s just past the 15th of the month and there is a round moon in the sky. It s.h.i.+nes a silver light on a mountain full of Lover’s Vines.

I follow the side of the Lover’s Vines and run around the mountain side. “Qu Bing!” “Qu Bing!”…….The sound of my voice reverberates through the canyons, tossing and turning, but it still remains just my voice. From the bottom of the mountain to the top, the entire mountain responds to my calls with only the sound of the wind rustling through the Lover’s Vines. Huo Qu Bing, where are you? Huo Qu Bing, are you leaving me?

Since two days ago, my entire being has been strung tighter than a taut string and I’ve not even rested properly. I can no longer endure the weight of my sorrow and I sink down on the ground in exhaustion. My face contorts into a grimace and I start making this noise that sounds like I’m crying and laughing at the same time.

During this period of time, I was like a soybean between two rock plates. I was about to be crushed into a million tiny pieces under the pressure of their two rocks. Those two rocks are in pain, but did they not know my pain?

How can Huo Qu Bing not understand. Since long ago he has been to me the bone of my bones, the blood of my blood. If I wanted to pick Jiu Ye, I would have left a long time ago and not wait until now.

A pair of hands pulled my hands away from my face and dark eyes stared at me without blinking. He said nothing, just staring at me. I thought he wouldn’t show up so I blink a few times to make sure he’s here. I dumbly ask “Do you still want me?” In his eyes flashed pain and joy and he said each word carefully “Before I had you I said I would never let you go. Now that I have you, I will say with even more certainty…I am never letting you go.”

My heart, which has been perched on a precipice, finally returned to it’s normal spot. I let out a relieved sigh and my entire body fell forward into his arms “I’m so tired. So tired. So tired! Please don’t be mad at me. Jiu Ye, in order to treat your illness, he’s got very sick. So I stayed there……” He suddenly kissed me and stopped what I was saying. It was so pa.s.sionate it felt almost rough.

I was so fatigued that my brain wasn’t working so I ask stupidly “Don’t you want to know what happened?” His eyes are no longer somber like before and was now twinkling again. He smiled and kissed me again “All I need to know is that I am the only person who can do this.” He hesitated for a moment “Since you came back, he must be fine now?” “The fever has broken and the doctor says that the fever, though dangerous, helped shake away the chill in his body. He’ll be fine after a period of careful recovery.”

He stared at me “Yu Er, I’m sorry. No matter what, you two met first. And in this entire situation, I was the one who didn’t do things in a completely honorable manner. I’m also to blame for the situation today. A person is not like a plant or a tree, how can feelings be swept so away so easily? Even regular friends wouldn’t want to see each other in emotional pain. Plus there are emotional knots that only time can untangle, and are easier said than done.”

[See above: those two ————> they be making out soon. Let your imagination fly~]

Even though Uncle Chen apologized already, but that day Huo Qu Bing just left without showing a shred of remorse. Because of his sudden illness, I didn’t want to mention the unpleasantness of the past, so I chose to let it go. This is the first time he’s said something like this. He’s not pressuring me, but rather giving me as much time as I need. He has chosen to trust me. My heart swelled with emotion, and any lingering frustration in me just dissipated completely. I reach forward and tightly embrace him. There is nothing I need to say, my actions have conveyed to him my response. He sighed with happiness and tightly embraced me back.

Our bodies were tightly pressed against each other and suddenly I felt something hard pressing against me. Our tender emotions suddenly morphed into a heady mood and he s.h.i.+fted his body and apologized “I wasn’t thinking anything at all, it simply had a mind of its own.”

I’ve never seen him slightly shy like this and all I can do is laugh. He was tense for a moment before lowering his head and nibbling on my neck “Yu Er, I really want you. Are you willing?” I bury my face in his chest and softly laugh, not answering his question. He also laughed “So does that mean yes? Yu Er, what if you get pregnant?”

I answer confidently “So what! If we have a baby together, then we’ll have a baby. It’s not like we don’t have the means to raise a child.”

I thought he would be happy, but instead he grows silent. His face is expressionless and he calmly asked me “Even if you get pregnant I still can’t marry you. Do you know what that means? Do you know how people will talk about you?” I nod my head and he picked me up in one swift move and turned towards the deeper part of the mountain. I was confused, why wasn’t he headed back to the estate? I thought to myself that there is nothing in the world this man won’t dare do, and I suddenly lost all color in my face “What are you doing? You can’t possibly be thinking of doing that…..there?”

He smiled like this was perfectly normal “My Yu Er knows me so well! There is a hot spring over there and we won’t be cold if we are in it. Between the Heavens and the earth and the water, can you imagine what it will be like? It will surely be much more interesting than in a bedroom. Plus I’ve been so pent up for so long, now that we’ve decided, I don’t want to wait another moment longer.”

“But….but the sun is almost rising!” He gently placed me on a rock next to the hot spring and was taking off my clothes and answering me “Isn’t that even better? At the time when day and night meet, the books say that it is when the yin and the yang converge. Remember those books you asked me to get for you? It states that this is the ideal time for consummating a relations.h.i.+p……” He was still talking when he was already pulling me into the water and his voice trailed off.

He was afraid I would be cold so he pulled me in quickly. He still had a circlet around his hair so I reached over and plucked it off. His hair spilled around his face in the water and suddenly this image seems so familiar to me. I can’t help but smile. He startled for a moment, and then reacted by pulling me in for a deep kiss. It was such a long kiss that we are both adept at martial arts but we’re still out of breath by the time we emerge from the water and break apart.

He laughed “I had almost forgotten my wish that way. That day in the water, all I wanted was to kiss you. But you were so feisty. All I did was hold your hand and you almost unmanned me. Yu Er, if you had really kicked me that day, wouldn’t you be regretting that right now?’ I humph at him “I would never regret it.”

“Then I’m the one who regrets it. I regret you so were close that day but I couldn’t do anything. But today I can…..” and he laughed and make an expression like a wolf spotting a snack. He pulled me in and his kisses were raining all over me, on my face, on my neck, on my chest…..

……………………………………………………………..

The royal physician said that Qu Bing was all recovered now and everything was fine. But he waited an entire day before prescribing the medicine, which wasn’t even medicine, but just some reminders to eat normally. Why Dr. Zhang took one day from diagnosing Qu Bing to prescribing his treatment is something that Uncle Chen and I both understand but neither want to mention it in front of Qu Bing. [Dr. Zhang clearly consulted Jiu Ye and gave him the diagnosis, and it was Jiu Ye who prescribed the treatment.]

When Dr. Zhang was leaving, he saw me holding back what I wanted to say and he understood enough to say casually “Yesterday I had a talk with Jiu Ye about medicine. Compared to him, all my learnings appear meaningless….” I understand he’s telling me that Jiu Ye must be better now. If time can heal a person physically, time can surely heal a person emotionally. Right?

I slowly walk into the room and from the window I can see Qu Bing studying the prescription. He hears my footsteps and look up towards me with a smile. I want to return his smile but I can’t. I just hurry my steps and walk into the room. He puts my hand firmly in his to warm it up. The warmth in his hand slowly chases away the chill in my heart as well, and I turn around and grab his hands tightly, giving him a warm smile.

Qu Bing appears to realize something, and then he promptly acts like he has no clue. He looks at the prescription and lets out a long sigh, clearly not intending to follow it “I can’t eat this, I can’t eat that. There isn’t much left for me to eat then.” He saw me glaring at him and he quickly changed expressions and sidled up next to me with a goofy smile “Don’t be mad! Don’t be mad! If I can sample you everyday, then I’ll surely……” Before he finished what he was saying, he was flying out the door and ducked to avoid a vase thrown at his head.

The vase shattered at the door and some of the maids are so frightened they immediately kneel down. He smiled at me through the window “I’ve got to go to the Palace for a bit. I’ll be back soon.” I chase after him “Wait, I have something to ask you.” He didn’t turn around but just waved his hand “I know what you’re worried about. It’s not like we haven’t snuck into the royal grounds before. That day we were even caught by the Emperor himself. If they want to tattle on us, let them. The Emperor won’t care at all……” His voice trailed off as he disappeared from sight. I think about it, and realize that Li Gan doesn’t have any solid proof anyway. There is really not much to be afraid of at this point.

I turn around and the two maids Qing Wu and Xiang Die are still kneeling there “Why are you still kneeling? Hurry and get up.” The two maids check to make sure Huo Qu Bing has walked away before patting their chests and getting up. Xiang Die moves fast and has grabbed a broom and is sweeping up the broken vase shards while saying “I’ve been a servant since I was small and have gotten used to kneeling as the first response when I hear my masters throwing things. My second response is saying “your servant I deserve to die.” This happens regardless of whatever was happening in the room to cause the throwing things, which we know nothing about.”

I laugh “Why are you all so afraid of the General? I have never seem him punish a servant.” Qing Wu smiled but said nothing, while Xiang Die thought about it “Yeah! He really has never punished us before. I don’t know, we’re just scared. I hear other servants all hope to serve a young master who might like her and make her a concubine. But in our estate this has never happened. We are all just serving the General……” Xiang Die suddenly turned red when she realized what she was saying.

I hid my laughter “I’m going to tell the General all of this.” Xiang Die and Qing Wu both get up and come plead with me, so I clear my throat “I’ll keep quiet about this, but you have to do as I say from now on.” Qing Wu quietly replied “Wonderful miss, don’t we already do everything you want. Whatever you ask us we candidly reply. But when the Madam asks us, we try not to say too much and the things we have to answer we try to keep it short.”

I sighed and hugged them both “Both sisters are good hearted, taking care of someone like me without any family. Thank you dear sisters. If you’re done cleaning, let’s go to Yi Ping Ju to eat.” They smile and nod their heads. Xiang Die sighed “You! You’re mean one moment, tender the next. No wonder even someone like the General doesn’t know what to do with you.”

I’m smiling but inside my heart I sigh. These two maids are hand selected by Uncle Chen to serve Qu Bing, and they are really good to me. But everyone else in the estate, because of Wei Shao Er and Gong Xun Aou and those folks, are polite to me on the surface but who knows what they are thinking deep down. Since Qu Bing’s illness, when Wei Shao Er sees me there is less animosity from her, but she is still very cool towards me. I rather not seek out unpleasantness so I try to avoid her when I can. I figure she also doesn’t want to see me, so the two of us rarely interact.

My relations.h.i.+p with Qu Bing is so obvious it doesn’t even need to be explained. From the Emperor on top all the way down to the lowest foot soldier in the army, everyone knows I’m his girl. Huo Qu Bing has never tried to hide it, and with his close friends and subordinates like Zhao Puo Nu, he treats me like I’m his wife. Even then, everyone pretends that they have no clue what is going on. From the Emperor on top all the way down to the lowest servant in the estate, everyone treats me like a young maiden.

They pretend as if I’m just an innocent maiden Qu Bing brought out one day to hang out with, and if they all closed their eyes to go to sleep, the next day I will have disappeared. From Winter until Spring, from Spring until Summer, with each night of sleep, I still continue to appear before them the next day. And they still stubbornly refuse to acknowledge me.

When the Palace holds a banquet, I rarely attend. But this time it is for the Empress’s birthday and she wants Qu Bing to bring me along. Even though she says nothing, but her little gesture such as this is like a tacit recognition of my relations.h.i.+p with Qu Bing. It was due to her influence that her siblings held back their dislike of me. She made my life easier, and for that I am grateful. Usually I’m dispirited when I go to the Palace, but today I purposely get all dressed up.

I arrange a Han hairstyle and use a popular Han accessory to secure my hair. I braid a purple crystal hair accessory through my hair and it glistens as it peeks out from under my dark locks, appearing like stars in the dark night. The largest crystal is the size of a thumb and hangs right over my forehead.

My outfit is also in the popular Chang An style, but I change it up a little. On top of the silk I add a thin layer of gossamer which gives it an illusion of depth and airiness. When I move it looks even more alluring. When Qu Bing saw me, his eyes lit up and he smiled “I always thought you are the most beautiful when you wear the Xi Yu outfits, but it’s clear you look just as lovely wearing a Han style attire. Clearly you just never made the effort in the past.”

When we enter the Palace, the Empress is seated on a dais receiving the well-wishes of hundreds of courtiers. Qu Bing tried to pull me up to wish her a happy birthday but I stubbornly refused. “You go ahead. My presence is enough for the Empress to know my heart. If you’re so public with me here, it will make things difficult for the Empress.” Qu Bing looked somber “Sometimes I wish you were stupider and not as considerate of others. That way you won’t have to endure this by yourself.”

I look towards the Crown Prince’s tutor and his shrew wife, who are currently bowing to the Empress “Like them? Is that happiness? Everyone sees them as a couple and compliment them, but I can care less about that.”

Huo Qu Bing released my hand and went up to greet the Empress. Once the banquet started and people were already dining, Li Yan finally arrived. She looked tired and in her royal attire it made her look precious. She pa.s.sed by and everyone held their breaths, afraid of one gust of air might harm this delicate extraordinary beauty.

The formerly raucous banquet turned silent because of her entrance and we can all hear the sound of her skirts swis.h.i.+ng as she walked and her jade pieces clicking against each other. She glided in front of the Empress and kneeled down to bow. Empress Wei smiled “No need! You’re not feeling well, a formal bow is not needed. I’ve received your wishes.” But Li Yan still formally bowed her head before getting up.