Part 1 (2/2)
Look again at Psalm 13:1 ”How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?”
And then read, Psalm 13:56, ”But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord's praise, for he has been good to me.”
There is hope in knowing that in response to David's questions and honesty there is given to him incredible rea.s.surance and hope.
If you're not honest with G.o.d you're going to find it so difficult to move forward and cope with grief. G.o.d is already aware what's happening within each one of us so it is not going to be a surprise to G.o.d when he hears what we have to say. But when we say it, we are going to open a means for G.o.d's healing work within our lives.
You are not alone in your grieving Fourth, you are not alone in your grieving. We grieve together as a community and as you weep Jesus weeps. G.o.d is not removed and distant. G.o.d is right here and G.o.d weeps. As Jesus sees the grief of Lazarus' dying, we read, ”When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ”Where have you laid him?” he asked. ”Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept.”4 This, for me, is the most powerful picture in the life of Jesus, the Jesus who weeps. This, for me, is the most powerful picture in the life of Jesus, the Jesus who weeps.
We might not understand why Jesus has allowed little children to suffer and die; we might not understand why Jesus has not answered our prayers for healing; but we do understand that Jesus is present and sees our grief and weeps with us. We do understand that as G.o.d chooses to present with us in our grief that G.o.d comforts those who grieve: ”Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”5 Jesus is the resurrection and the life Fifth, Jesus says, ”I am the resurrection and the life.”6 As much as your grief is real so is the certainly of an afterlife. If we accept the Scriptures as revealing G.o.d's purpose, we must also accept the picture it offers that death itself is a moment of healing; of being fully reconciled with G.o.d; and living in the joy-filled presence of G.o.d for all eternity. As much as your grief is real so is the certainly of an afterlife. If we accept the Scriptures as revealing G.o.d's purpose, we must also accept the picture it offers that death itself is a moment of healing; of being fully reconciled with G.o.d; and living in the joy-filled presence of G.o.d for all eternity.
Here are some of the promises of Scripture: Isaiah 25:78 ”On this mountain he will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all nations; he will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people's disgrace from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.”
John 3:16 ”For G.o.d so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
2 Corinthians 5:1 ”For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from G.o.d, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.”
Revelation 21:4 ”He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has pa.s.sed away.”
In the name of Jesus there is salvation. No matter what this life may offer or take, there is nothing that can separate us from the love of G.o.d that gives us a guarantee of life eternal. 7 7 Paul is so convinced of this truth that when he writes to the church in Thessalonica he chooses to use the word ”asleep” to describe those who have died: ”Now we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers [and sisters], concerning those who have fallen asleep fallen asleep, so that you will not grieve as also the rest, who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, thus also G.o.d will bring those who have fallen asleep fallen asleep through Jesus together with him.” through Jesus together with him.”8 (Emphasis mine) (Emphasis mine) In the early church, the congregation at Thessalonica was struck by a number of deaths. These were possibly the first people to die as Christians. And naturally, as we all do, they grieved the loss of their loved ones.
Paul writes to them, not only to give them words of comfort, but also to give them a new understanding of death in the hope of all that Christ has won.
Paul says, first, that death is a sleep.
Paul writes: ”We do not want you to be ignorant ... concerning those who have fallen asleep.” What is there to be ignorant about a loved one who is taken from us? Where does ignorance lie in that?
But Paul is not saying that we are ignorant about the loss of someone we love, but rather that we are ignorant about those who have fallen asleep. Paul purposely uses this word ”asleep” to reveal the ignorance that so many people have about death and with one word Paul wipes out any idea of the finality of death. As one awakes from a night's sleep so those who die in Christ will awake with Christ.
G.o.d's Good Purpose Sixth, G.o.d doesn't allow a life, even a brief life, to go unnoticed. Paul a.s.sures the Romans, ”And we know that in all things G.o.d works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”9 And again to the church in Corinth, ”However, as it is written: ”What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived- these things G.o.d has prepared for those who love him””. And again to the church in Corinth, ”However, as it is written: ”What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived- these things G.o.d has prepared for those who love him””. 10 10 Again, we do not yet fully understand the actions, or in some cases the seemingly lack of action, of G.o.d. But we have the promise that in all things G.o.d works for the good of those who love him. Looking back at the brief lives of the babies who died in our community I believe that these little children have done more than many others, in their long lives, in bringing people and communities together. Their brief lives have moved people to incredible acts of care and empathy, their lives have united people across churches, cities and even nations. Their lives have compelled so many people to take account of G.o.d's gift of life and his many blessings.
My own growth and understanding, who I have become, is all partly as a result of these little lives and the impact they have made upon me.
Summary There is so much we don't understand about suffering and death. But there is so much we do understand, and it is on this that we must build our faith and trust in G.o.d.
One, we don't have answers to everything that happens.
Two, don't try and make up answers, be real to the grief and loss.
Three, if you need to be angry at G.o.d be angry; if you need to question G.o.d, then ask. Be honest with G.o.d.
Four, G.o.d is present in our grief and he comforts the grieving.
Five, Jesus is the resurrection and the life. There is salvation in his name.
Six, as strange as it may seem to be, despite the most tragic of events, G.o.d will still work his good.
Part Two: A Practical Response to Grief
When we plan a trip, we study a road map (or depending upon which generation you represent, look at a GPS). We plan in order to make sure that we have chosen the best roads to our destination. Have you ever planned such a trip to only discover along the chosen way that there are now long and rough detours? The one certainty we all face is that the journey of life will have its detours and rough patches.
While writing I have ministered to several members of our church community. One of our members tragically lost a sister who has left a husband with small children; an elderly member has undergone major surgery; a mother of our community has been diagnosed with cancer; another elderly member has suffered a stroke all this in the s.p.a.ce of just one week. And it wasn't even an extraordinary week. Each week is filled with crises. No matter how carefully we lay our plans, a single moment can change it all a phone call to announce a death; a doctor's visit to diagnose a dreaded disease. Following on from the first part of this book that offers an understanding of grief I would like to answer the question, ”How do I respond to grief and suffering?”
There's a verse of scripture from James that I have pondered long and hard to the extent of wondering if James was really aware of the extent of the suffering he readers experienced.
James writes, ”Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds”.11 The JB Phillips translation expounds, ”When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives my brothers [and sisters], don't resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends!” The JB Phillips translation expounds, ”When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives my brothers [and sisters], don't resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends!”12 Welcome trials as friends? Can I ask the question again? Is James aware of the extent of suffering that people face?
But James is fully aware of sufferings. He writes to a persecuted church that is trying to survive after the death of Stephen, the first Christian martyr, and the many Christians who were put to death after him.
I believe that James is presenting us with a choice. Grief and suffering can be an enemy that robs us of everything that is dear and valuable, or it can be a friend that grows us and realises the full purposes of G.o.d. Enemy or friend, the choice is ours.
Just one word of caution. Because I believe that suffering can be a friend to grow us does not mean that we should choose to suffer in order to grow. I really don't want anyone to suffer, but we need to be ready to make the decision what to do with suffering when it comes our way.
What does the challenge of James teach us?
Priorities and Values In the midst of grief and suffering we are forced to stop and in that moment realise that life's detours can be opportunities to learn some of life's most important lessons.
The reality is to ask how many people are so busy ”living life” that their relations.h.i.+ps, with each other and with G.o.d, suffers?
These detours force us to stop and they compel us to answer one of life's most important questions: what really matters to me?
Crisis, illness, bereavement and grief, all become opportunities to rea.s.sess our purpose, our goals, our relations.h.i.+ps. We are compelled to answer: what is most important to me?
All too often I have heard the sad words of someone, sometimes a spouse, sometimes a parent, who having lost someone very special to them regret not having spent more time with them, or saying certain things to them.
Many years ago, but as clear as yesterday, I remember the first funeral service that I conducted for a family whose little baby had died. I remember rus.h.i.+ng to the hospital after hearing the news that a little boy of our community had been in a home accident. Arriving at the hospital I discovered that the child was already dead and the parents had returned home. It was just before midnight that I knocked on the front door of the parent's home. The mother had been given a sedative and was asleep. The father was crying and spoke words to me that are both haunting but yet at the same time have been an incredible gift because they have helped me prioritise what is most important to me. The father spoke and said, ”I didn't know my son. I left in the morning before he woke. I arrived back in the evening after he was already asleep. I did all this work to provide the very best for my son; and now I have lost my son.”
I am not saying that work is not important. I am not saying that it must not be a priority to care for and provide for your family. I am saying that nothing should ever stand above what should be most important to us.
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