Part 30 (2/2)

I crawl out of the tent, wrapping my arms around myself, rumpling the whimsical unicorn vest that I bought when I felt distinctly more whimsical.

”What?” I can barely look at him.

”Not here...” He casts a glance to where Owen and Anna are cooking breakfast.

When Lee turns to walk away, I follow. His neck is sunburned and I imagine flicking it hard enough to make him howl. When we reach the path, Lee keeps pausing to let me fall in step with him, but since that is what I'm specifically avoiding doing, I fall out as soon as he starts up again.

It is very satisfying.

Eventually, we reach a quiet patch of the campsite where the tents thin out towards the car park and Lee sits down.

”Are you going to sit with me, or stay standing there like Christ the Redeemer?” he says.

”Why do you do that?” I snap, wanting a fight.

”What?”

”Make a reference to something you know I won't understand. You used to hate it when Callum did that and now you're doing it to me. Showing off doesn't make you special.”

”I'm not showing off. This is just how I talk.”

”Frankly, Mr Shankly, you sound a bit w.a.n.ky.” But he's not going to take the bait.

”I know that's some music reference you think I won't get.” Lee sighs and lies back on the ground. ”Call it even and sit down.”

I do as I'm told.

Lee says, ”You didn't tell Owen.” Not a question, so I don't give an answer. ”Thank you for that.”

This galls. ”As if I'd inflict that kind of pain on someone I love so much.”

”Stop being so angry with me. Not everything you see is black and white, you know.”

”Was the man in the van Owen? No. Enough said.”

”Actually” Lee sits up and pulls my arm so I'm twisted to face him ”not enough said. Owen and I broke up. On Friday.”

”Friday?”

”After I behaved like a d.i.c.k about him singing-”

”But I thought...” I'd seen them hugging outside their tent, but then every time I've seen them together since then, at camp, on the hill, the photo he texted of them in the crowd ... I realize I saw no kisses. No hand-holding. No glances or touches. I carried on seeing what I wanted to, even when it wasn't there. That hug I saw was one of breaking-up, not making-up.

”We thought it would make things awkward for everyone else and that wouldn't be fair,” Lee says quietly, pulling tufts of shrivelled gra.s.s from the ground.

”But you love him.”

Lee looks at me with such misery that I can't help but soften towards him. ”You think I was the one who did it? I'm not the strong one. I'm the coward who'd rather spend a summer spoiling for a fight than face telling the person I love the truth.”

”But Owen loves you-”

”Love isn't enough, Ruby. Not to survive me moving half a world away. I can't be the boyfriend Owen deserves and he knows it.”

His eyes s.h.i.+ne with unshed tears, the deep blue that circles the skies of his irises more marked, as if his eyes were drawn, then filled in.

”I don't want to leave him.” Tears spill out and he sniffs. ”But I can't take him with me and I can't do long distance and all that would happen is that I'd hurt him even more.” Lee's crying properly now, shaking as he talks, the words sputtering on breaths he can't quite take in.

”I love him so much, but I'm so weak that I can't even do my own dirty work. He told me that if it would stop me from trying to hurt him, then we should end things now, because ...”

He stops and sucks in a breath, and I can't help but reach over and wipe away his tears. I wish I could help fix him, but it's him that's doing the breaking.

”... because he still wants to love me, even if we're not together. Even if we can't be ... because I...” Lee breaks down and I hold him as close as I can. ”Why did I do this, Ruby? What's wrong with me that I have to push away the one person I want to be with?”

I hold him, saying nothing because there is nothing I can say.

Maybe I did grow up to be like my brother after all.

KAZ.

In the haze of euphoria that comes with finally doing something right, I do something completely out of character.

”Why are you ringing me?” my sister asks when she picks up the call.

”Hi, Naomi, how lovely to hear your voice.”

”It's ten in the morning. Your voice is ruining my lie-in.”

”I thought you'd be halfway down Oxford Street by now.”

”Sunday. Shops don't open till later. Plus Dad's demanded a break, the lame a.s.s. How's your c.r.a.ppy festival?”

”You don't really care, do you?”

”Not at all, but I'm weirded out by you ringing me. It's making me come over all polite.”

Which is her way of showing concern, I suppose. ”You were right.”

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