Part 16 (1/2)
They had all seen the real thing a fortnight before, so that we were greeted with shouts of laughter as the curtain went up.
The trouble was, as we had only written the book of words that day it was rather hard for me to remember them, so I had taken the precaution of safety-pinning them on my doll's back. It was all right for her as she got the cue from me. It was not difficult, half supporting her as I appeared to be, to squint behind occasionally for the next jest! On one of these occasions my incorrigible doll horrified me by winking at the audience and exclaiming, to their delight, ”The bloke's got all the words on my back!” She then revolved out of my grasp, and spun slowly round on her stool. This unrehea.r.s.ed effect quite brought the house down, and not to be outdone, I raised my small bowler repeatedly in acknowledgment!
I was a little taken aback the next morning when the man at the petrol stores said, ”My, but you wos a fair treat as Charlie Chaplin last night, Miss.” (It must have been Corporal Coy's moustache that did it, not to mention lifting my bowler from the rear!)
The more local colour you get in a show of that sort the better the men like it, and we parodied all the latest songs as fast as they came out.
Winnie and ”Squig” in Unity More's ”_Clock strikes Thirteen_” were extremely popular, especially when they sang with reference to cranking up in the mornings:
Wind, wind. _Oh_ what a grind!
I could weep, I could swear, I could scream, Both my arms ache, and my back seems to break But she'll go when the clock strikes thirteen.
Oh, oh (with joy), at last she will go!
There's a spark from the bloomin' machine, She's going like fire, when bang goes a tyre And we'll start when the clock strikes thirteen!
The whole programme was as follows:--
1. The FANTASTIKS announce their shortcomings in chorus of original words to the opening music of the Bing Boys--”We're the FANTASTIKS, and we rise at six and don't get much time to rehea.r.s.e, so if songs don't go, and the show is slow, well, we hope you'll say it might have been worse,” etc., etc.
2. _Violin_ 1. ”Andantino” (Kreisler) } } P.B. WADDELL 2. ”Capriccioso” (Drdla) } 3. _Recitation_ Humorous N.F. LOWSON 4. _Chorus Song_ ”Piccadilly” FANTASTIKS (in monocles) 5. _Stories_ M. RICHARDSON 6. _China Town_ FANTASTIKS (Sung in the dark with lighted Chinese lanterns, quite professional in effect--at least we hoped so!) 7. _Recitation_ Serious B. HUTCHINSON 8. Mr. Lenard Ashwell and his } { M. RICHARDSON Ventriloquist Doll } { P.B. WADDELL 9. _Duet_ ”When the Clock strikes Thirteen” G. QUIN AND W. MORDAUNT 10. _Violin Solo_ ”Zigeunerweisen” (Sarasate) P.B. WADDELL 11. _Song_ ”Au Revoir” W. MORDAUNT 12. _The Kangaroo Hop_ FANTASTIKS
The chorus wore their goat-coats for this last item, and with animal masks fixed by elastic, bears, wolves, elephants, etc., it was distinctly realistic.
When ”G.o.d save the King” had been sung, and the usual thanks and cheers given, and received, the Sergeant-Major from the Canteen (with the beautiful waxed moustache) rushed forward to say that light refreshments had been provided. The ”grizzly bears” were only too thankful, as they had had no time to s.n.a.t.c.h even a bun before they left camp.
CHAPTER XVI
THE LAST RIDE
The hardest job in the Convoy was admittedly that of the big lorry, for, early and late, it was first and last on the field.
It took all the stretchers and blankets to the different hospitals, cleared up the quay after an early evacuation, brought stretchers and blankets up to the Convoy, took the officers' kits to hospital and boats, and rationed the ambulance trains and barges. ”Jimmy” took to the Vulcan instinctively when the Convoy was first started and jealously kept to the job, but after a time she was forcibly removed therefrom in order to take a rest. I could sympathize--I knew how I had felt about the little lorry.
The job was to be taken in fortnightly turns, and while the old Vulcan lorry was being overhauled a Wyllis-Overland was sent in its place.
The disadvantage of the lorry was that you never saw any of your friends, for you were always on duty when they were off, and vice versa; also you hardly ever had meals when they did. Eva's fortnight was almost up, and I was hoping to see something of her before I went on leave when one night in she came with the news that I was the next one for it--hardly a welcome surprise; and down at barges that evening--it was a Sunday--Gamwell, the Sergeant, told me officially I was to take on the job next morning at 5 a.m.
When I got back to Camp I went for a preliminary run on it, as I had never driven that make before. The tyres were solid, all vestige of springs had long since departed from the seat and the roof was covered with tin that bent and rattled like stage thunder. The gears were in the middle and very worn, and the lever never lost an opportunity of slipping into first as you got out, and consequently the lorry tried to run over you when you cranked up! Altogether a charming car. You drove along like a travelling thunder-clap, and coming up the slope into Camp the earth fairly shook beneath you. I used to feel like the whole of Valhalla arriving in a Wagner Opera! It was also quite impossible to hear what anyone said sitting on the seat beside you.
The third day, as I got out, I felt all my bones over carefully. ”When I come off this job,” I called to Johnson, ”I shall certainly swallow a bottle of gum as a wise precaution.” He grinned appreciatively.
Lowson, who had had her turn before Eva, appropriately christened it ”Little Willie,” and I can affirm that that car had a Hun soul.
You were up and dressed at 5 a.m. and waited about camp till the telephone bell rang to say the train had arrived. Schofield, the incinerator man who was usually in the camp at that hour, never failed to make a cup of tea--a most welcome thing, for one never got back to camp to have breakfast till 11 or 11.30 a.m. I used to spend the interval, after ”Little Willie” was all prepared for the road, combing out Wuzzy's silver curls. He always accompanied the lorry and was allowed to sit, or rather jolt, on the seat beside me, unrebuked. After breakfast there was the quay to clear up and all the many other details to attend to, getting back to camp about 3 to go off in an hour's time to barges. When a Fontinettes ambulance train came down, the lorry driver was lucky if she got to bed this side of 2 a.m.
All social engagements in the way of rides, etc., had to be cancelled in consequence, but the Monday before I went into hospital the grey and Baby appeared up in camp about 5.30. I was hanging about waiting for the telephone to say the barge had arrived, but as there was a high wind blowing it was considered very unlikely it would come down the ca.n.a.l that evening. I 'phoned to a station several miles up to enquire if it was in sight, and the reply came back ”Not a sign,” and I accordingly got permission to go out for half an hour. I was so afraid Captain D.
might not consider it worth while and could have almost wept, but fortunately he agreed half an hour was better than nothing, and off we went up the sands, leaving the bob-tailed Wuzzy well in the rear. What a glorious gallop that was--my last ride! The sands appeared almost golden in the sun and the wind was whipping the deep blue waves into little crests of foam against the paler turquoise of the sky. Already the flowers on the dunes had burst into leaf, for it was the ”merrie month of May,” and there, away on the horizon, the white cliffs of England could just be discerned. Altogether it was good to be alive.
”Hurrah,” I cried, as we slowed down to a walk, ”five more days and then on leave to England!” and I rubbed the grey's neck with joy. Alas! that half hour flew like ten minutes and we turned all too soon and raced back, thudding along over the glorious sands as we went.