Volume 31 Chapter 10 (2/2)
I couldn't visit my brother for about a week, while they ran tests and performed scans on him My mother took shi+mako to visit him every day, but after a while he said they didn't have to come any more Since it was staffed primarily by nurses, there was no-one to chaperone her Plus, he said that he'd rather shi+mako played at the temple
The results of the tests proved that my brother's body was in an unexpectedly poor condition I didn't ask them directly, but could tell by the expression onphysician
I considered that ituntil I lostto o, naturally I'd been upset, but I never thought that heas he was alive, circue But if he died, what then
I looked at shi+ room and the tears flowed
To have lost herher father All while she was still sh to use one of the cushi+ons as a bed for an afternoon nap All while her hands, balled together as she slept, were so tiny
On Saturday afternoon, I went to visit my brother in hospital on the way ho him, but my mother said that I should visit him some time
My brother had a bed by thein a four-person hospital roo with the curtain still open I didn't see anyone in death's thrall It felt like God and man were in close attendance
”Masafumi”
Before long, my brother awoke and smiled when he saw h he said, ”What should we play today, now that you're here?”
”I've been wanting to see you You should stop by more often”
”… Yeah”
My brother sat up in bed, so I sat down on the chair beside hiether and talked since the day he left There s I wanted to ask his I wanted to tell hiin So I told him about my classes from that day, and the plants that I'd seen on the walk to the hospital
He smiled as he listened to my stories
”Masafumi, you're a scholar of the outdoors Someday soon, I hope you'll teach this to shi+mako”
It was said sorrowfully, ih in a daze, I quickly changed topics
”Did you leave home so that you could marry shi+mako's mother?”
”That's right”
This tio So I continued to question hiht, at this point, he'd anshatever I asked
”Was she really a Christian? Did you become a Christian too? Was that why you didn't want to live at the temple?”
”That's not it”
My brother flatly corrected me
”So we could be together, we both agreed to set aside the religion we believed in”
”But in this day and age, there's plenty of married couples with different faiths”
I said Because I thought that if you really loved soion stand in your way
”That's true But in our case, it was soer than that”
My brother smirked Then he looked out the , and quietly said:
”shi+mako's mother was a member of a convent”
”She was a nun?”
”She was on the road to beco one We met on the journey, became captivated by each other, and fell in love”
So he'd cast aside his faith to follow that love They'd both looked deep into their hearts, and chosen love Consequently, they both chose to discard their faith That determination was typical of my overly serious older brother
”What was her name?”
”Sasahara Yuria When we gotToudou Yuria”
”That's a foreign sounding name”
Finding out that some woman I'd never met shared the same surname as me made me feel somehow ticklish, and I blurted out those words in an attempt to hide my embarrassment
”She was japanese I saw her birth certificate, so there's no doubt about it”
My brother opened the drawer beside the bed, took out a photograph and showed it to ht brown hair She fitted the ie I had of shi+mako's mother
”And she died, right? Where was she buried?”
”Her older sister took care of the arrangements Their mother is interred in a church near their family home in Kyushu, so they decided to bury her there too”
”You were okay with that?”
They were the reht he would have wanted to keep them close to himself But if she were buried in some far-off place, like a church near the faet to visit
”I was At first, I thought about buying a plot in a non-religious ceether, but I cas”
From the still open drawer, my brother took out a s that looked like a necklace
”What is … ?”
”It's a rosary It's soot rid of all of our religious artifacts But, secretly, Yuria still held on to this Right up to the very end, she couldn't renounce her religion I regret that she couldn't call for a priest in her final moments, but it was too late I'd realized that there was no reason she had to keep our proht up to her death So I decided to return her to Jesus”
So shi+mako's mother had held onto this rosary the entire time? Had she taken it out, from time to ti it out of its wrapping?
”There's no reason to condele juzu It was one I'd inherited fro the end of h he doesn't have to perform my funeral, our father will probably read from the Buddhist scriptures at it”
I listened toIncapable even of politely nodding
”When Yuria died, I blamed myself If we hadn't met, she would have been a nun by then She would have been spending her days in the service of her God Whether it was God or Buddha, I don't know, but e joined together? Was it all just a prank? Had she really been happy ht at the end, she smiled as she embarked on that final journey, but surely sheinside to leave behind the child that she had only just given birth to”
After he said that, all the strength drained from my brother's body
”But, I kind of understand now If we hadn't met, then shi+mako wouldn't exist in this world So it's okay”
My brother did what he had to for shi+ in the same position as shi+s
Probably exhausted froraph to the drawer, then lay down on his side
”Masafumi”
Hearing my name called, I looked up
”I was allowed to live my life the way I wanted So you should live your life the way you want too”
” … Brother?”
”When I die, it's likely that the te else, will fall on your shoulders You should do what you want, whether that be to accept it or to reject it”
My brother closed his eyes
”That was all I wanted to tell you”
”Are you saying that it's okay for me not to inherit the temple? Because there's shi+mako?”
I knew that talking further would be a burden on hi of his words If I missed this chance, I may not have received a second opportunity
”I think shi+ot the chance, I'd tell her that too”
”But if we both do ant, ill happen to the Shouguu temple?”
”Our father's still healthy Don't worry about what happens after that The teenerations, but we don't have to obsess over it We can always accept a chief priest into the family”
My brother had changed His usual stubbornness was gone
There was no longer just one straight path There were plenty of forks in the road, and it was fine to retrace your steps if you'd gone the wrong way Perhaps this hat he learned during his two years of struggle
My brother passed away about six months after that
San that journey
I thought he had probably gone to meet Yuria-san
I had faith that the Christian heaven and the Buddhist paradise were one and the saion
Instead of losing an older brother, I gained a younger sister
A sister, one cycle of the Chinese zodiac younger than me
Since my brother had told me to do whatever I wanted, I have decided to beco, and in time I plan to qualify as a chief priest
When shi+h to have hopes for the future, I want her to be able to make that choice freely
If she chooses the path that her older brother walks down, to become a chief priest, to marry a priest, then I will turn the temple over to her, and all will be well
But if shi+mako, like my brother, chooses a different path, then I will take responsibility for the temple
That's my ”what I want to do”
That's my free choice