Volume 31 Chapter 10 (1/2)

I had a brother, one cycle of the Chinese Zodiac older than me

His name, Norimichi

S - but he was always a kind brother to me

Our parents were proud that he was their son They see, but it's not as though they wished for him to be an Olympic athlete, for to do so would be to incur divine punishment I think they would have been happy just for hienerations

So, when my older brother was 12 years old and I, the second son, was conceived by chance and born, my mother and father were sireat expectations ofthe path of Buddha A nice thing about that was that I spentfree across the hills and fields Whenever he saw my cuts and scrapes, or the insects or plants that I'd brought home as souvenirs, he'd smile at me

”Masafumi, you're such a free spirit”

When he ruffled my hair, his hands were already the size of an adult's

My wonderful brother decided, when he was still in school, that he would enter the priesthood and beco fro our father, the chief priest, in his duties, he zealously pursued the trainings required to become a chief priest Forthe doctrine and the customs would not have been too hard But the ten day ascetic retreats at places cut off from the outside world were about the limit of what his body could endure They were far s he had undertaken when he first joined the priesthood

When I was in fifth grade, my brother spent a few days away fro event nearby, or he was participating in so the teinally, he was supposed to return after three days, but by the time he arrived home ten days had elapsed Since my brother was so serious, naturally he'd informed my parents that his return would be delayed But it seems he didn't say a word about why it was delayed

On the afternoon of the tenth day, my brother returned I was at school when he arrived ho to the people that help out around the teetic

That evening, my brother didn't sit doith us for dinner I felt uneasy about this, but my brother usually ate very little, and when he wasn't feeling well his appetite disappeared coht up with him

When I returned fro for me in front of my room

”Have you got a minute?”

I hadn't seen hiaunt, but his expression was gentle I'm not sure if the comparison is appropriate or not, but his expression was that of an angelic maiden I suppose you could call it ephemeral

I nodded, and opened the door to my room He sat down on the cushi+on I offered hihtened his back, turned to me and with a serene look on his face he informed me:

”Masafuize to you”

This was a sudden apology Of course, I had no idea why he was apologizing My brother was always honorable I couldn't think of a single time that he had been unreasonable

”I've decided to leave home”

”Huh?”

I couldn't believe my ears The only way I couldto enter the Buddhist priesthood

”And by leaving ho the temple”

My brother slowly and calmly explained

”You're in fifth grade now Masafumi, so you should understand what it will mean when I leave the temple”

”That you won't inherit the temple Is that what you mean?”

”Indeed”

My brother nodded, then continued with, ”And then”

”Withthe temple, people will probably expect that you will And so, I apologize for all the trouble that will cause you Withfrom the picture, it will also fall to you alone to honor and care for our parents I think I should apologize for that too”

Slowly, I began to realize that he really was planning to leave home

”Are you going away forever, is that what you're saying?”

Leaving hooing to disappear from the world entirely That's probably what his 'leaving home' was

”Don'tlike that I' so that I can live a new life”

”I don't understand Can't you live your new life without saying farewell to dad and mom and me? Leave home, say you won't inherit the temple, but can't you still come back home from time to time?”

I desperately wanted ranted, at least let him remain connected to us in soree

”For someone who expected to inherit the temple, and then threw it all away I don't think I'll be able to come back here any more”

”Do you hate this temple?”

”It's not ait or not It's just that there's a reason why I have to cast it aside So that means I can't become a priest”

”And what's that?”

My brother smiled, then shook his head I don't know if it was because he thought I was too i he wanted to talk about just then

”What did dad have to say?”

”Well, he was opposed to it But, that's fine It would have been worse if he was for it, because it meant he wanted to disinherit me”

When I heard that, it made my blood boil

”You're just being selfish”

”I know I'ize to you I didn't expect you to understand”

I didn't respond I couldn't express what I was feeling in words I remained like that until my brother left the rooht

After that, it seeht with our father in his rooer around

My father said to me:

”Forget that you ever had a brother”

I thought it was also selfish of him to say that to me What about the ten years that I had spent with et about him

My brother's roos were put into a trunk and cardboard boxes, and then shut away in a closet But, by no means were they throay My mother and father still believed that he would see the error of his ways and return home

Just like my brother had predicted, when the parishi+oners learned that h I were the natural successor My father didn't say anything, but I had no doubt who he secretly hoped would inherit the te for the dayto such an aimless future

About six months later, I don't kno he caht us news that my brother was married and had a job It seemed his bride was a Christian It looked like that was a part of why my brother had to leave our house

My brother had chosen her and cast aside his fa home It see, but my parents didn't presuave up on him

And yet, my brother did return When I was in my first year of middle school

He wasn't alone, he brought with hihter

”I never thought I'd cross the threshold of this house ever again”

My brother bowed deeply before our parents No, it wasn't soainst the tata ti the price for his shame After that, he broached the topic of why he hadn't been able to return home before then

”Can this child, … can shi+ht up here?”

”What about her mother?”

My father asked, his face hard

”She died, less than abirth”

He said so about postpartu to me at the time

”Why can't you raise her?”

My father asked, again

”If I could raise her, I'd want to do that”

He gently brushed shi+

”Is there a reason you can't?”

”My body's wracked with disease”

Then, from my mother, seated beside my father, came a sound that was part exhalation and part sob

The three of theether a short distance away from where I was allowed to sit, and as the conversation continued, my head pounded

What do you o to hospital, can you be cured? Can you be saved with surgery?

But, after seeing hter, and that his daughter's hts swirling around my head

At that point, my father was composed

”Alright But on one condition”

It nificent

”Anything, just tell me what it is”

He was obviously resolved to do whatever it took for his daughter That he had returned hoh of that

”That you go straight to hospital, and follohatever treatment the doctor lays out So that you can dedicate yourself to the treatment, we'll look after your child But, we're only looking after her for you When you're better, we'll return her Understood? You'll have to work hard, for her sake, to beat the illness”

I wonder ifshi+mako was handed over to my mother, and my brother was booked into hospital that very day