Part 20 (1/2)

At that moment, Kaede felt she would rather meet a dozen bears or twenty pirates than remain with this unnerving man. She could think of nothing else to say. Indeed, she felt powerless to move at all.

”Mamoru and Is.h.i.+da have both told me what people say about you, that desire for you brings death.”

Kaede said nothing. I will not be ashamed, I will not be ashamed, she thought. she thought. I have done nothing wrong. I have done nothing wrong. She lifted her eyes and looked at him directly, her face calm, her gaze steady. She lifted her eyes and looked at him directly, her face calm, her gaze steady.

”Yet, from what Is.h.i.+da tells me, one man who desired you escaped death.”

She felt her heart twist and jump, like a fish when it finds its living flesh pierced by the cook's knife. His eyes flickered. A small muscle twitched in his cheek. He looked away from her at the snow. He is asking what should not be asked, He is asking what should not be asked, she thought. she thought. I will tell him, but he will pay a price Jor it. I will tell him, but he will pay a price Jor it. As she saw his weakness, she became aware of her own power. Her courage began to return. As she saw his weakness, she became aware of her own power. Her courage began to return.

”Who was it?” he whispered.

The night was silent, apart from the soft drift of snow, the wind in the pines, the murmur of water.

”Lord OtoriTakeo,” she said.

”Yes, it could only be him,” he replied, making her wonder what she had given away before and what he knew about Takeo now. He leaned forward, his face moving into the lamplight. ”Tell me about it.”

”I could tell you many things,” she said slowly. ”About Lord s.h.i.+geru's betrayal and death and Lord Takeo's revenge and what happened the night Iida died and Inuyama fell. But every story comes at a price. What will you give me in return?”

He smiled and in a tone of complicity said, ”What does Lady s.h.i.+rakawa desire?”

”I need money to hire men and equip them, and food for my household.”

He came close to laughing. ”Most women your age would ask for a new fan or a robe. But you are always able to surprise me.”

”Do you accept my price?” She felt she had nothing to lose now from boldness.

”Yes, I do. For Iida, money; for s.h.i.+geru, bushels of rice. And for the living one-I a.s.sume he still lives-what shall I pay you for Takeo's story?”

His voice changed as he spoke the name, as though he were tasting it in his mouth, and she wondered again what he had heard about Takeo.

”Teach me,” she said. ”There are so many things I need to know. Teach me as if I were a boy.”

He inclined his head in agreement. ”It will be a pleasure to continue your father's instruction.”

”But everything must be kept secret between us. Like the treasures of your collection, nothing must be exposed. I will divulge these things only for your gaze. No one else must ever be told them.”

”That makes them all the more precious, all the more desirable.”

”No one else has ever heard them,” Kaede whispered. ”And once I have told you, I will never speak of them again.”

The wind had risen a little, and a flurry of snow blew onto the veranda, the flakes hissing as they hit the lamps and the braziers. Kaede could feel cold creeping over her, meeting her coldness of heart and spirit. She longed to leave him; yet, knew she could not move until he released her.

”You are cold,” he said, and clapped his hands. The servants appeared out of the shadows and helped Kaede to her feet, lifting the heavy fur from her.

”I look forward to your stories,” he said, wis.h.i.+ng her good night with unusual warmth. But Kaede found herself wondering if she had not made a pact with a demon from h.e.l.l. She prayed he would not ask her to marry him. She would never allow him to cage her in this luxurious beautiful house, concealed like a treasure, to be gazed on only by him.

At the end of the week she returned home. The first snow had melted and frozen, and the road was icy but pa.s.sable. Icicles hung from the eaves of the houses, dripping in the sun, glistening and brilliant. Fujiwara had kept his word. He was a rigorous and demanding teacher and set her tasks to practice before she returned to his house again. He had already dispatched food for her household and men.

The days had been spent in study and the nights in storytelling. She knew by instinct what he wanted to hear, and she told him details she had not known she remembered: the color of flowers, the birds' song, the exact condition of the weather, the touch of a hand, the smell of a robe, the way lamplight fell on a face. And the undercurrents of desire and conspiracy that she had both known and not known, and that only now became clear to her with the telling. She told him everything, in a clear measured voice, showing neither shame, grief, nor regret.

He was reluctant to allow her to return home, but she used her sisters as an excuse. He wanted her to stay there forever, she knew, and she fought that desire silently. Yet, it seemed that everyone shared it. The servants expected it and their treatment of her changed slightly. They deferred to her as though she were already more than a specially favored guest. They sought her permission, her opinion, and she knew they would only do so if he had so ordered.

She felt deep relief when she left him and she dreaded returning again. But when she was home, she saw the food, the firewood, and the money he had sent, and was grateful that he had kept her family from starving. That night she lay thinking, I am trapped. I shall never escape him. Yet what else can I do? I am trapped. I shall never escape him. Yet what else can I do?

It was a long time before she slept, and she was late rising the next morning. s.h.i.+zuka was not in the room when she awoke. Kaede called to her, and Ayame came in with tea.

She poured Kaede a cup. ”s.h.i.+zuka is with Kondo,” she said. ”He returned late last night.”

”Tell her to come to me,” Kaede said. She looked at the tea as though she did not know what to do with it. She sipped a mouthful, placed the cup on the tray, then picked it up. Her hands were icy. She held the cup between them, trying to warm them.

”Lord Fujiwara sent this tea,” Ayame said. ”A whole box of it. Isn't it delicious?”

”Fetch s.h.i.+zuka!” Kaede cried angrily. ”Tell her to come to me at once!”

A few minutes later s.h.i.+zuka came into the room and knelt in front of Kaede. Her face was somber.

”What is it?” Kaede asked, ”Is he dead?” The cup began to shake in her hands, spilling the tea.

s.h.i.+zuka took it from her and held her hands tightly. ”You must not be distressed. You must not become ill. He is not dead. But he has left the Tribe, and they have issued an edict against him.”

”What does that mean?”

”You remember what he told you at Terayama? If he did not go with them, they would not allow him to live. It is the same.”

”Why?” Kaede said. ”Why? I don't understand.”

”It's the way the Tribe are. Obedience is everything to them.”

”So why would he leave them?”

”It's not clear. There was some altercation, some disagreement. He was sent on a mission and never came back from it.” s.h.i.+zuka paused. ”Kondo thinks he may be at Terayama. If he is, he will be safe there for the winter.”

Kaede pulled her hands away from s.h.i.+zuka and stood. ”I must go there.”

”It's impossible,” s.h.i.+zuka said. ”It's already closed off by snow.”

”I must see him!” Kaede said, her eyes blazing in her pale face. ”If he has left the Tribe, he will become Otori again. If he is Otori, we can marry!”

”Lady!” s.h.i.+zuka stood too. ”What madness is this? You cannot just take after him like that! Even if the roads were open it would be unthinkable. Better by far, to marry Fujiwara, if you want what you say you want. It is what he desires.”

Kaede struggled to regain control of herself. ”There is nothing to stop me from going to Terayama. Indeed, I should go there... on a pilgrimage... to give thanks to the all-merciful one for saving my life. I have promised to go to Inuyama, to Arai, as soon as the snows melt. I shall go to the temple on the way. Even if Lord Fujiwara does want to marry me, I can do nothing without consulting Lord Arai. Oh, s.h.i.+zuka, how long is it till spring?”

9.

The winter days crawled past. Every month Kaede went to Lord Fujiwara's residence, stayed for a week, and recounted the story of her life, at night while the snow fell or the moon shone coldly on the frozen garden. He asked many questions and made her repeat many parts.