Part 8 (1/2)

[Ill.u.s.tration: DISTINGUISHED AMATEURS. THE ACTOR.--_Billy Wapshot._ ”I say, look here, you know! They've cast me for the part of _Sir Guy Earliswoodde_, an awful a.s.s that everyone keeps laughing at! How the d.i.c.kens am I to act such a beastly part as that?--and how am I to dress for it, I should like to know?” _Brown (stage manager)._ ”My dear fellow, dress _just as you are!_--and as for acting, _be as natural as you possibly can!_ It will be an immense success!”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: DISTINGUISHED AMATEURS. THE JEUNE PREMIER.--”_What_, Eleanor? You know _Sir Lionel Wildrake_, the handsomest, wittiest, most dangerous man in town! He of whom it is said that no woman has ever been known to resist him yet!” ”The same, Lilian! But hus.h.!.+ He comes----”

[_Enter Colonel Sir Lionel Wildrake_.

There is a blessing on peacemakers--is there one on playwrights?

THE HOME OF THE BRITISH DRAMA.--A French crib.

A COURT THEATRE TICKET.--The order of the garter available only at Windsor as an order for the stalls.

NEW NAME FOR A THEATRE WHERE THE ACTORS ARE MORE OR LESS UNINTELLIGIBLE.--”The Mumbles.”

[Ill.u.s.tration: Music by handle.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE SWING OF THE PENDULUM

”And pray, Duke, what possible objection can you have to my being a suitor for the hand of your daughter Gwendolen? I--a--_think_ I may flatter myself that, as a leading gentleman at the Parthenon Theatre, my social position is at least on a par with your Grace's!”

”I admit that to be the case just _at present_--but the social position of an actor may suffer a reaction, and a day _may_ come when even the leading gentleman at the Parthenon may sink to the level of a _Bishop_, let us say, and be no longer quite a suitable match for a daughter of the--a--House of Beaumanoir!”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: TURNING A PHRASE.--_Dramatic Author._ ”What the deuce do you mean by pitching into my piece in this brutal manner? It's shameful!” _Dramatic Critic._ ”Pitching into it? No, no, no, dear old man--you'll see how pleased I was, _if you'll only read between the lines!_”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: SCENE--_A Booth in the Wild West_

_The curtain has just fallen on the first act of the ”Pirates of the Pacific.”_

_Author._ ”What is the audience shouting for?”

_Manager._ ”They're calling for the author.”

_Author._ ”Then hadn't I better appear?”

_Manager._ ”I guess not. They've got their revolvers in their hands!”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: ”Men Were Deceivers Ever”