Part 11 (1/2)

He had just sat down to a second edition of tea, and was reading a letter that the post had brought him from his sister Mary, in which she said, ”I dare say by this time you have found Mr. Charles Larkyns a very ~delightful~ companion, and I ~am sure~ a very ~valuable~ one; as, from what the rector says, he appears to be so ~steady~, and has such ~nice quiet~ companions:” - our hero had read as far as this, when a great noise just without his door, caused the letter to drop from his trembling hands; and, between loud ~fanfares~ from a post-horn, and heavy thumps upon the oak, a voice was heard, demanding ”Entrance in the Proctor's name.”

[80 ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN]

Mr. Verdant Green had for the first time ”sported his oak.” Under any circ.u.mstances it would have been a mere form, since his bashful politeness would have induced him to open it to any comer; but, at the dreaded name of the Proctor, he sprang from his chair, and while impositions, rustications, and expulsions rushed tumultuously through his disordered brain, he nervously undid the springlock, and admitted - not the Proctor, but the ”steady” Mr. Charles Larkyns and his ”nice quiet companion,” little Mr. Bouncer, who testified his joy at the success of their ~coup d'etat~, by blowing on his horn loud blasts that might have been borne by Fontarabian echoes, and which rang through poor Verdant's head with indescribable jarrings.

”Well, Verdant,” said Charles Larkyns, ”how do you find yourself this morning? You look rather shaky.”

”He ain't a very lively picter, is he?” remarked little Mr. Bouncer, with the air of a connoisseur; ”peakyish you feel, don't you, now, with a touch of the mulligrubs in your collywobbles? Ah, I know what it is, my boy.”

It was more than our hero did; and he could only reply that he did not feel very well. ”I - I had a gla.s.s of claret after some lobster-salad, and I think it disagreed with me.”

”Not a doubt of it, Verdant,” said Charles Larkyns very gravely; ”it would have precisely the same effect that the salmon always has at a public dinner, - bring on great hilarity, succeeded by a pleasing delirium, and concluding in a horizontal position, and a demand for soda-water.”

”I hope,” said our hero, rather faintly, ”that I did not conduct myself in an unbecoming manner last night; for I am sorry to say that I do not remember all that occurred.”

”I should think not, Giglamps, You were as drunk as a besom,” said little Mr. Bouncer, with a side wink to Mr. Larkyns, to prepare that gentleman for what was to follow. ”Why, you got on pretty well till old Slowcoach came in, and then you certainly did go it, and no mistake!”

”Mr. Slowcoach!” groaned the freshman. ”Good gracious! is it possible that ~he~ saw me? I don't remember it.”

”And it would be lucky for you if ~he~ didn't,” replied Mr, Bouncer.

”Why his rooms, you know, are in the same angle of the quad as Smalls'; so, when you came to shy the empty bottles out of Smalls'

window at ~his~ window -”

”Shy empty bottles! Oh!” gasped the freshman.

”Why, of course, you see, he couldn't stand that sort of game, - it wasn't to be expected; so he puts his head out of the bedroom window, - and then, don't you remember crying out, as you pointed to the ta.s.sel of his night-cap sticking up straight

[AN OXFORD FRESHMAN 81]

on end, 'Tally-ho! Unearth'd at last! Look at his brus.h.!.+' Don't you remember that, Giglamps?”

”Oh, oh, no!” groaned Mr. Bouncer's victim; ”I can't remember, - oh, what ~could~ have induced me!”

”By Jove, you ~must~ have been screwed! Then I daresay you don't remember wanting to have a polka with him, when he came up to Smalls'

rooms?”

”A polka! Oh dear! Oh no! Oh!”

”Or asking him if his mother knew he was out, - and what he'd take for his cap without the ta.s.sel; and telling him that he was the joy of your heart, - and that you should never be happy unless he'd smile as he was won't to smile, and would love you then as now, - and saying all sorts of bosh? What, not remember it! 'Oh, what a n.o.ble mind is here o'erthrown!' as some cove says in Shakespeare. But how screwed you ~must~ have been, Giglamps!”

”And do you think,” inquired our hero, after a short but sufficiently painful reflection, - ”do you think that Mr. Slowcoach will - oh! - expel me?”

”Why, it's rather a shave for it,” replied his tormentor; ”but the best thing you can do is to write an apology at once: pitch it pretty strong in the pathetic line, - say it's your first offence, and that you'll never be a naughty boy again, and all that sort of thing. You just do that, Giglamps, and I'll see that the note goes to - the proper place.”

”Oh, thank you!” said the freshman; and while, with equal difficulty from agitation both of mind and body, he composed and penned the note, Mr. Bouncer ordered up some b.u.t.tery <vg081.jpg> beer, and Charles Larkyns prepared some soda-water with a dash of brandy, which he gave Verdant to drink, and which considerably refreshed that gentleman. ”And I should advise you,” he said, ”to go out for a const.i.tutional; for walking-time's come, although you have but just done your breakfast. A blow up Headington Hill will do you good, and set you on your legs again.”

So Verdant, after delivering up his note to Mr. Bouncer, took his friend's advice, and set out for his const.i.tutional in his cap and gown, feeling afraid to move without them, lest he

[82 ADVENTURES OF MR. VERDANT GREEN]