Part 12 (1/2)

The cells are exactly the same size as in any other part of the prison, but the table on which I'er (four feet by two) I also have an extra cupboard for row as each day passes, not unlike when you're on holiday

500 pio for a walk in the exercise yard I stop halfway round to watch Shaun sketching Dale He is still proving to be a restless ood likeness of him600 pm After supper I call Mary ( estate agent would describe as 'an added aood The police confir their report on the Sis of the KPMG report This won't be handed in to the Red Cross for at least another two, perhaps three weeks Mary tells me that the police reply to Tony Morton-Hooper's letter was not unhelpful, and she hopes that once the KPMG report is finished, it will only be a matter of days before they move me to an open prison

I use the res doe When the phonecard flicks out, indicating I have only thirty seconds left, I proer have an endless source of cards

As soon as I replace the receiver, Sergio takes over the phone He has the advantage of being able to hold a conversation in a language no one else on the spur can eavesdrop on, but the disadvantage of needing at least five phonecards every tiio has finished his call, he joins me in er necessary forSpanish - he's just another prisoner froio's brother has selected four ee in price from ten to fifteen thousand dollars Once he has made the final choice, I will await a valuation froems would retail on the London market at around 20,000 If this proves to be accurate, then I'll be happy to purchase the selected geive it to Mary as her Christ to all this trouble

815 pht, I discover that our spur is unlocked first and banged up last, giving us an extra fewbelow stairs is the silence, or near silence, compared with the floor above

No rap music, no arriors and no conversations shouted from one end of the corridor to the other There is actuallya feeling of community on this spur

I don't bother to turn on the TV this evening as I aht I fall asleep fully dressed It's been an exhausting day

DAY 45 SAturdAY 1 SEPTEMBER 2001

815 am

The first day of a new e with Locke (GBH), the spur painter, to have my new cell redecorated in his spare tireed in tobacco, and as I have no idea of the going rate, Darren (er for the transaction

Once Locke has inspected my cell, he announces it will first need an undercoat of white, which will take hirees the price on a daily basis

Tomorroill add a coat of creae and frae As far as I can work out, the painter will receive one pound's worth of Golden Virginia (his choice) a day

So the whole job will costrate The paint, however, will be supplied by Her Majesty's tax payers Please note that it was Margaret Thatcher who taught overnment; 'Governments don't pay taxes, Jeffrey, only tax payers do'

Locke asksrolled on because once my bed, table and small cupboard have been pulled away from the walls and left in the centre of the rooh space for one person

I cross the corridor to join Sergio in his cell, where we hold a board io has typed out sixteen questions which he needs answered before he speaks to his brother again For example: do I want to pay the full insurance cost? -Yes Do I want the gold necklace to be 9, 14 or 18 carat? - 18 carat Will I have to pay import tax whenthe chain and emerald land in London? - Don't know, but I'll find out Once Sergio has asked all his questions and written out the answers neatly in Spanish, we enda

I've received a letter from Chris Beetles, who has carried out considerable research into which South American artists have a ide market He reports that Christie's and Sotheby's have two Latin American sales a year, both held in New York With the exception of Botero, who has recently passed 2 ularly fetches 100,000 or io reads the letter slowly and places it in his file

1100 am Exercise It's Darren's turn to be sketched by Shaun, and he's proving a bit of a priraphs of hi about his participation as alk out into the yard We are greeted by Shaun, who is holding a large art pad in his right hand, and a couple of pencils in his left

Darren reluctantly agrees to pose, but only on two conditions That the drawing is carried out on the far side of the yard, where few in their perambulations He also insists that if he doesn't like the result, he will be left out of the final ree I can only hope that Shaun will ood job of the preliminary sketch that Darren will be converted to the whole idea

Jiins his task While we stroll round the periland are playing Ger Methwold toainst the fence wish Jiests that he couldn't score in a brothel

By the end of the third circuit, a likeness is appearing on Shaun's sketch pad, but I have no way of knowing how Darren will react He can be so perverse at times

By the time we've coinning to herd us back to our blocks We stop to look at Shaun's effort Darren joins us to see the outline iood, and he knows it He nods his grudging approval, but finally givesthe game ahen, as we stroll back into A block, he asks, If that's only a sketch before Shaun does the final portrait, can I have it forin the lunch queue I discover from Dumsday (who, Jimmy told me a few days earlier, had adopted an injured crow) that his crow died early thisto feed it a boiled egg I return toin the middle of the room with the smell of fresh paint all around ood start

200 p between England and Geraland player out of a plastic cup, and should oal, I'll win nine Mars bars I draw Gerard who, Ji I read in this land haven't won a match on German soil since 1965 But I don't pass on this inforlance out ofthe left-over food the prisoners have thrown out of their cell As we are hemmed in behind a twenty-foot fine-et into the prison Ill ed up after supper but, as I've oes last so we can roam the corridors until six thirty - an extra thirty s in The Times to find that the football is on BBC 1, but clashes with Jane Austen's Persuasion on BBC 2 I elect to watch Persuasion while the rest of the spur settles down to follow the land score, the whole prison will let me know

Just as Miss Elliot meets Captain Wentworth for the first ti I quickly switch channels and watch a replay of Michael Owen scoring for England, which il with Miss Elliot who, because of her father's financial problenificent country horossed in the dra I switch over to find Englandhave scored a second goal on the stroke of half-tiland's favour, so I reeted by my fellow inmates in total silence

I turn back to Persuasion to find that Captain Wentworth is flirting (the occasional glance) with our heroine, the one ant him to marry There is another roar I can't believe it, and switch across to find our other hero, Michael Owen, has scored again, and England are now leading three goals to one No sooner have I switched back than there is a further roar, so I return to watch a replay of Owen coland an unbelievable 4-1 lead

I flick over to Jane Austen and discover that the handsoirl, but then - an explosion - can it be true? I return to BBC 1 to find Heskey has scored for England andlead five goals to one with ten o Quickly back to Persuasion where our hero and long-suffering heroine have beco live Jane Austen

1000 pm I finish the Robert Goddard book and then climb into my bed which is still in the middle of the room I fall asleep to the smell of fresh paint and the sound of oals

DAY 46

SUNDAY 2 SEPTEMBER 2001

1000 a breakfast, I report to the gym in my new capacity as football correspondent for the Prison News

The Wayland tea rooht blue shi+rt, dark blue shorts, blue socks, shi+n pads and a pair of football boots As with the cricket match last week, the team are far better equipped than ain all at the tax payers' expense All four blocks also have their own strip (A block's is yellow and black) I assume this is normal practice for every prison across the country

Once the teaed, and very smart they look, we're joined by our coach, Gary, who delivers an unusual team talk

Because the players have been selected froo every week, so the eleven men and three subs have to do is to announce their na in You may well consider that this is an insuperable barrier for any team, but not so, because the opposition also have several disadvantages to contend with To start with, all of Wayland's fixtures are played at home - think about it - and the rival tea any supporters, especially not girlfriends And when it coamesmanshi+p, our team are in a class of their own, and the officers are just as bad

The opposition side aresearched The players are then escorted to the changing rooms, accompanied by the boos of prisoners froh to contend with, they then have to deal with our captain, Jimmy

Now Jimmy is all charm and bonho roo less than his duty to inform the visitors that they should keep a wary eye on Preston, Wayland'steam captain innocently

'He's in for a double murder - chopped his parents' heads off while they were asleep' Jiot a twenty-five-year sentence, and as he's only done three, the occasional broken leg doesn't seeet a yellow card'