Part 9 (1/2)

'First they cross the prisoner's wrists before handcuffing him Then they handcuff him to two officers with two separate pairs of handcuffs, one on either side'

Thank God they didn't do that to me when I attended my mother's funeral

It's an irony that an hour later, when going through my mail, I find a razor-blade paper attached to the top of one of h' The blade itself had been reery) has begun to work on an outline drawing of thewith intent), who is standing on the grass in the sun, arms folded -not a natural model (see plate section) Dale scowls as we pass him, while a few of the other prisoners shout obscenities

800 p on television, so I finish Graham Greene's The Man Within

1000 pm I remove the neashed clothes from all over my bed, where I had laid the them from every other available space - cupboard doors, the sink, my chair, even the curtain rail

I fall asleep, still worrying about the KPMG report and how long it will take for the police to agree that there isno case to answer By the ti of the past But for now, it reatory

DAY 37

FRIDAY 24 AUGUST 2001

608 a sun to enterthat they used to belong to Dennis (VAT fraud) No one kno much of the 175 per cent he retained for himself, but as he was sentenced to six years, we have to assume it was several millions

Dennis applied for parole after two and a half years, having been a , so assumed that his request had been turned down Yesterday, at 8 aings He was being released within the hour The order had come from the Home Office the week before but, as his probation officer was on leave, no h

Dennis had to borrow a phonecard - against prison regulations - to ask his wife to co for work, otherwise he would have been standing outside the gates all day That is how I inherited the fine net curtains which now adorn my cell, and when I leave they will be passed on to the new resident I just hope I'iven a little more notice

Jimmy was also let out yesterday, but only for the day He has just a feeeks left to serve before his release date, so they allow him out once a month on a town visit, froramme for any D-cat prisoner Jimmy has been a D-cat, but resident in a C-cat prison, for over three months He doesn't want tdto the end of his sentence and his family lives locally

Yesterday Jimmy visited Dereham He was accompanied by an officer who, for reasons that will becoave Jimmy a fiver to buy them both some fish and chips (Dereham prices) while he went to the bank to cash a cheque Jimmy collected the fish and chips, strolled over to the National Westminster and waited outside for the officer When he didn't appear, Jian lunch without hian to worry about what had happened to his guard He went into the bank, but couldn't see him, so ran out andquickly headed towards Lloyds TSB, a hundred yards away As he turned the corner, he saw the officer running down the street towards him, an anxious look on his face The two ; Ji to escape only six weeks before his release date, and the officer would have been sacked for giving a prisoner money to assist in that escape Jimmy told me later that he's never seen a more relieved man in his life

”Where are my fish and chips?' demanded the officer, once he had recovered

'I had to eat theone cold' He handed over fifty pence change

800 ao in search of Stan (ehteen h to come and look atit up I tell him I hate the white door and the black square around the basin and the black floor skirting

'I'll see what I can do,' he says, ”but I can't proet colours that have been discontinued, or the ones no one else wants'

900 am Pottery I fear this enterprise has proved to be ato ask Wendy if I can be transferred to the library or education The Sun told its readers yesterday that I had applied to take Dennis's (of curtain fame) job in the library I didn't even knoorked in the library, but now the Sun has put the idea into murder, head librarian) if there's a vacancy

Meanwhile I go off to pottery and waste two hours talking to Shaun (forgery) To be fair, it wasn't a coht ress with the book cover and the e of prisoners (see plate section) I also discover more about his cried John Lewis gift vouchers were not used simply to purchase articles frohter than that He discovered that if you buy an iteift voucher, the assistant will hand back the change in cash

Shaun also found out that if you purchase so a television withgenuine vouchers) and return the item an hour later, they don't reiain, they hand over cash

Arland (kindly supplied by a helpful assistant) showing every John Lewis outlet in the country He then began to travel the land, cashi+ng vouchers in each town he passed through He was finally caught when his co-conspirator panicked, went to the police and grassed on him (Shaun's words)

I wonder what Shaun will turn his mind to once he's released I only ed to the clash between Ken Clarke and Iain Duncan Se to the euro debate which neither of the candidates seerasped

”Have you ever seen a euro note?' Shaun asked

'No, I haven't,' I admitted

It's Monopoly money and will be quite easy to reproduce

Froal tender in seventeen countries across Europe, and I'll beta fake So to make a fortune'

I recall that Shaun has only three more weeks of his sentence to serve

1115 ae door, a neat blue square around o in search of Stan, and present him with a phonecard - value: 2; worth: inestimable

1130 areat relief that the last ten days' text of this script have arrived It doesn't bear thinking about having to rewrite those 30,000 words You may well ask why I didn't make a copy Because there isn't a copier available Then why don't I hand the papers over to ulations My only chance is to rely on the Post Office, and it hasn't let me down yet

12 noon Lunch I etable soup Australia are piling on the runs at a rate of four an over

300 pirlfriends, anddon't forget this is a man who had three women come to see him at his last visit At some time, he tells me, he's slept with all three of them - not at the same time, he's not kinky, just healthy - and what'seach other's eyes out Nevertheless, this brings me on to a taboo subject I haven't yet mentioned: sex or the lack of it - unless you are a homosexual Darren real visits, which I can't see happening in this country for many years The current solution is to put a notice on the o away It will be interesting to see which coal visits

After teeks of walking round the perimeter of Wayland OFFENSIVE AND OBSCENE MATERIAL STA TEMENT OF POLICY 1 At HMP Wayland we feel that it is important that we provide an environment within which visitors, staff and prisoners are able to work and visit without being caused offence by the display of any nity of all staff, visitors and prisoners is respected It is the duty of all staff to help to ensure that our environment remains free from the display of potentially offensive material

3 Therefore the public display of any material that is potentially offensive will not be permitted in any part of the Prison