Part 31 (1/2)

What?

'When he comes back from wherever he is, she grinned at me, but not unkindly, 'can you give him this?

She pulled out an envelope with Kevins name on the front and put it on the table.

'His step-dads gone. Arrested him myself, she said, displaying a certain satisfaction. I was certain telephone directories had been involved. 'His mums been ringing round his friends. She traced him as far as Rushford and then he dropped out of sight so she asked us to have a go. It wasnt hard. In fact I wish they were all this easy. Youre quite high profile here, you know. So if you could just see he gets that.

'Dont you want to see him and give it to him yourself?

'No, no need. Ive just popped in on my way somewhere else. Good afternoon.

Russell, just for once, didnt see the funny side.

'Well, you should have been here yourself, then, I said, somewhat snappily.

There was a pause and then he said, 'Arent you going to ask where I was?

'No.

'You really havent got the hang of this being a wife business at all, have you?

'Theres never anyone around to practise on.

He looked as if he might say something and then caught sight of the envelope. 'Whats this?

'She brought a message for Kevin. From his mum. His step-dads gone and I think his mum might want him back.

I began to struggle to my feet, picked up the envelope, and set off in search of Kevin.

Who stared at the envelope for a long time.

'I expect youd like some privacy, I said, tugging at Russell, who was a bit of a stranger to the concept of privacy. Fortunately he was still brooding over my brush with The Law and put up no resistance.

Kevin disappeared. I saw Mrs Crisp watching Sharon. Russell was watching me. I thought I might go and have a bit of a lie-down. I needed to talk some of this over with Thomas. I needed another point of view.

Russell insisted on helping me up the stairs.

'Im not sure that was the wisest thing to do, said Thomas, as I lowered myself into the window seat. ' In fact I dont think its a good idea to be alone with him at all at the moment.

'I know, I said, 'but I dont think even Im going to fall down the stairs twice running. Besides, I have you to look after me.

Something in his silence made me look up.

'Dont I?

He still didnt answer. I felt again that cold hand of premonition, 'Dont I?

He went to stand in his usual place in the corner. He still didnt speak.

I said in a whisper, 'Thomas?

He looked across the room at me and I could see he was crying. All the old familiar fears came flooding back. Everything clenched. I felt the blood drain from my face, leaving it stiff and cold.

I said again, 'Thomas?

Finally, he looked up. Two long, dark, tear stains ran down his face. I hadnt realised, but I was crying too.

'Thomas, are you leaving me? and waited to hear him say, 'Of course not. Im here for as long as you need me, because that was what he always said and it was certain that I never needed him more than now.

He sighed heavily. 'I have to go.

I panicked.

'No you mustnt, and struggled to stand up. I think I thought if I could just get my arms around him then I could somehow physically restrain him; stop him somehow, anyhow, from leaving me.

He said, 'No, dont. Youll hurt yourself, but I didnt care. I ran as fast as I could and put both arms round his neck. He lowered his head and breathed into my hair and for the first time ever, it didnt work.

We were both crying.

Eventually, he said, ' Stop. Jenny, please stop. Youll make yourself ill. Please, sit down. Sit here on the bed. I promise I wont leave if you let go. Please, lets not hurt each other now.

So I slowly let go and sat on the end of the bed. He stood very close and I reached out to touch him. If I could just keep hold of him ... in every sense of the word.

'All right now? he said. 'Are you able to speak?

I swallowed and nodded, determined to be calm.

'Jenny, the time has come for me to go. You dont need me any more.

Calm flew out of the window. 'Yes, I do. You know I do. Ill always need you. How can you go? How can you go now? You know whats going on. How can you say I dont need you? You cant leave me. Thomas you cant go. You mustnt go. I cant do this by myself. Thomas, please.

'Shhh, he said, gently and the smell of warm ginger biscuits filled the room again. ' Hush, Jenny, youll make yourself ill.

'I am ill, I sobbed, fear and anger roiling around inside me. 'Im ill and Im hurt and Im in trouble and youre leaving me.

I got no reply. Shaking my hair off my face I could see he was crying as hard as I was. I rubbed my nose on my sleeve and gently reached to wipe his tears away.

'If this is hurting you so much then why are you doing it?

He thought for a while. ' I came to you when you were a child. A confused, frightened child who needed a friend. Ive stayed with you all these years as your friend. And we are, Jenny, were good friends. You are very dear to me.

' But now, you dont need me any more. No, no, dont say anything just yet. You really dont need me to tell you what to do. Just recently, youve married, stolen a donkey, listened to and helped poor Mrs Crisp, seen off a bully, rescued a cat, and stood your ground with your husband. And now, young Kevin is sorting himself out and youll help with that as well. Its true, Jenny, you dont need me to tell you what to do these days. You can decide and do these things for yourself. Youve outgrown me.

'How can you say that? You know whats happening here. How could you leave now, of all times? How can you leave me to face this alone?

' But youre not alone any more. Youre positively festooned with people and animals who wish you well. You can cope with whatever comes your way, Jenny. You always do. You must have noticed.

'But youre my friend. Weve been together for so long. You cant just go.

'I can and I must.