Part 22 (1/2)

The two of us lingered in the vestibule while Andrew examined the front door, claiming he couldnt remember the last time it had opened. In fact, we spent so long that Russell came looking for us.

'What are you doing? he demanded, suspiciously.

'Checking out the door, said Andrew, vaguely, peering at the hinges.

'Why?

'What?

'Never mind, I said hastily, suspecting a cousinly contretemps brewing. 'Lets have a drink.

'Oh, Jenny.

'You keep saying that. However, before I could investigate his utterance any further, sweeping headlights announced the arrival of Aunt Julia and Uncle Richard.

'Theyre here, announced Russell, Poltergeist style. 'Line up the troops. Wife front and centre.

They were charming. Uncle Richard always was, of course, in his own understated way. There was a suggestion of gritted teeth about Aunt Julia but you couldnt fault her efforts.

They barely flinched at the shrieking front door but Marilyns response took them back more than a little.

'Goodness me, said Aunt Julia. 'What the what on earth was that?

'Marilyn, explained Russell, not making things clear at all.

'Our donkey, I said, hastily, before she could accuse him of keeping women in the stables against their will.

'Our sick donkey, he added helpfully.

She made a huge effort at a tiny joke. 'Then I think you have a problem, Russell. If she can do that now, what sort of noise will she be capable of when shes recovered?

Fortunately, before Russell could enquire if shed had a few before she came out, Mrs Crisp took her coat and she was gently but firmly ushered into the living room.

She halted on the threshold and we braced ourselves, but she said, 'Oh, Jenny, its charming.

Right. So, obviously yesterdays visit was to be wiped from everyones memory. On the other hand, it did look lovely. Gentle lighting hid many defects, the fire crackled merrily, the saggy sofas were comfortable, and all the books made us look respectable.

She turned to Russell. 'No offence, Russell, but I fancy much of the credit for this goes to Jenny?

Behind me, Andrew muttered, 'Who is she and what has she done with the real Julia? and I was inclined to agree.

What had brought about this transformation was anyones guess. Perhaps even she realised that yesterdays visit had crossed a line. Perhaps she was unwilling to relinquish visiting rights. Whatever it was, she smilingly insisted that of course she remembered Andrew and Tanya, accepted a drink from Russell, and reminded Uncle Richard theyd brought wine as a gift for the evening.

I think Russell was a little miffed, feeling perhaps that his own choice was being disparaged, but he took in the spirit it was meant and Mrs Crisp bore it away.

We had a few minutes small talk. The weather was closely examined and found to be appropriate for the time of year. Andrews function was politely ascertained and not found wanting. Uncle Richard informed the breathless company that he and Miss Bauer were professionally acquainted, albeit only slightly, and before we had time to run out of things to say to each other, Mrs Crisp, under instructions from Russell to move things along as quickly as possible, announced that dinner was served.

Mrs Crisp and I had not messed about with the table arrangements. Russell, at the head of the table, was flanked by Aunt Julia on one side and Tanya on the other, on the grounds that his legendary women-handling skills would see him through and the whole d.a.m.n thing was his fault anyway. He accepted with good grace, contenting himself with twinkling at me as I seated Uncle Richard and Andrew with me at the other end. Russell opened the wine, Mrs Crisp brought in the first course, and away we went.

'Oh, this looks delicious, said Uncle Richard appreciatively, gazing at Mrs Crisps seafood salad, which did indeed look lovely. Further up the table I could hear Aunt Julia saying the same.

Russell topped up her wine gla.s.s.

Uncle Richard peered closely. 'Jenny, my dear, which sauce would you like?

'Mayonnaise please, Uncle Richard.

We all served each other and got stuck in. Mrs Crisp retired anxiously to the door, but she was worrying unnecessarily. It was delicious. I looked up to see Russell give her a small smile and the thumbs-up. She melted away.

We chatted away at our end. Andrew was a Checkland and therefore never short of a word or two, and Uncle Richard, after an anxious glance towards the head of the table for approval, happily joined in.

He neednt have worried. Russell was opening another bottle of wine and they were going at it full throttle. Even as I watched, she laid a hand on his arm and laughed. He didnt even flinch.

Uncle Richard blinked a little, and then turned back to me and said in a conspiratorial whisper, 'What do you think, my dear. Shall we ...? and he poured me half a gla.s.s of wine, an action that would normally have led to our instant annihilation. He topped up his own and said, 'What about you, Andrew?

'Designated driver, he said with regret. 'And Im on call, too.

'Oh, what a shame. 'He threw another disbelieving glance at his wife. 'Its just you and me then, Jenny. I sipped away. Sadly, wine tastes like furniture polish to me, but I was happy to be included and smiled benignly upon my guests.

Sharon and Kevin cleared the table and disappeared. I waited a little anxiously for any sounds of breaking crockery but quite honestly, I dont think I would have heard them over the increasing noise levels at the other end. Russell was telling a story, waving his arms about, and Aunt Julia was smiling at him. As I stared, Tanya turned and said, Good party, Jenny.

'Thank you, I said, pleased and relieved it was going so well.

'Chicken with white wine sauce and grapes, murmured Mrs Crisp, 'Served with baby vegetables and new potatoes.

'Oh my, said Aunt Julia. 'You certainly know how to look after your guests, Russell.

'My wife chose the menu, he said, still smiling but leaving no one in any doubt that hostilities could break out at any time he wanted them to. His hair was flopping over one eye and they were opening yet another bottle of wine. I couldnt take my eyes off them.

Tanya flashed me a quick smile then turned her attention back to Russell. I felt a small relief. Theyd split the duties between them. Andrew was designated driver. She was on Russell-watch. I wasnt sure which of them had drawn the short straw.

Uncle Richard and Andrew got on like a house on fire. We talked about donkeys because if youve got one they tend to dominate the conversation the latest James Bond film, the proposed pedestrianisation in Rushford, football, wine, and all points in between. We were laughing so hard over Andrews story of Mrs Aldershots Yorkies attempt at family relations with Mr Fittertons Staffie and the subsequent medical attention required by both dogs and their owners that when Kevin upset the water jug, it wasnt the embarra.s.sing disaster it might have been.

Uncle Richard lifted the wine gla.s.ses out of the way, Andrew moved the plates, I mopped, and we replaced everything with barely a break in the by-now-quite-loud conversation.

Kevin fled in shame, but Sharons hazelnut tarts were a triumph and we ended on a high.

Everyone was having too good a time to move so we had coffee at the table and a substantial amount of brandy went round as well.

I think I was beginning to sway slightly when Mrs Crisp put a very welcome gla.s.s of water in front of me and Uncle Richard, casting a glance at Aunt Julia, announced they should probably be going.

She seemed quite reluctant, despite having missed her ten oclock bedtime, but eventually moved slowly and majestically to the door.

'Stately Spanish Galleon, whispered Andrew behind me and I giggled. Russell shot me a very strange look I didnt understand at all, although actually, things were a bit blurry ...

'Oh, Jenny, said Thomas, in some amus.e.m.e.nt.

... and I realised very suddenly that although Id quite enjoyed the wine, a substantial amount was about to make the return trip.

I didnt know what to do. They wouldnt go. Just standing. Talking. Go, will you. Oh G.o.d, I felt bad. I was never drinking again.