Part 21 (1/2)

Uncle Richard stirred. 'I think, Jenny, if the offer is still open, I would like some tea after all.

I jumped up and went to see Mrs Crisp. When I came back, Russell had handed him his credit card statements and receipts.

'No, no, Russell, just the statement will be fine. Keep the receipts for your own records. I will a.s.sume that by pa.s.sing me these, you are authorising payment.

Russell paused.

'Yes, I said. 'I checked ... them all and everything is correct.

Russell smiled. 'You did? Well, thanks very much. I hate doing that. Can you do it every month?

'Of course, if you want me to.

'I very definitely do.

So I had housework to supervise, cooking to learn, gardening to do, and accounts to reconcile. Just like a real person.

Mrs Crisp brought in some tea. In the best cups. Obviously, she liked Uncle Richard. Aunt Julia and Francesca were lucky they didnt get theirs in a bucket.

'I was wondering... said Uncle Richard, accepting a cup. 'In fact Julia asked me to ask you ... as a gesture, you understand ... whether, if you arent doing anything tomorrow night, if you would like to ... dine with us?

Fortunately, I wasnt holding anything otherwise wed be a best cup and saucer down and with another unfortunate stain on the rug. Id lived there twenty years and I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times Id actually dined with them. Was this some sort of plot to get me back there? Once I walked in through the door Id never get back out again?

I looked anxiously at Russell, who could add mind-reading to his other accomplishments.

'Why not come here, Richard? Allow the newly-weds to entertain you. And, he said, with amused malice, 'youll be able to check out Jennys living conditions at the same time.

Fortunately, he took it as a joke.

'Well, yes, how kind. That would be very kind. Julia and I would be delighted.

Thomas said anxiously, 'Will you be cooking at all, Jenny?

Mrs Crisp was thrown into a complete panic.

'Whats the problem? said Russell. 'You cook every day. Its just a case of adding two more people.

'Its not that, she said. 'Its a dinner party which is completely different. And its been so long. They dine out all over the place. Theyll expect 'No, they wont. Its just a family dinner. Me, Jenny, Mr Kingdom, and his Rottweiler. No cause for alarm at all.

She ignored him, reaching for her cookery books. He stopped her.

'Jenny will choose the menu.

This threw me into a complete panic as well.

'Stop, stop, he said. 'Everyone just calm down a minute.

Sharon stepped forward with her dazzling smile. 'Ill help. I can do dessert if you like.

Kevin muttered something.

'You see, said Russell, apparently understanding this. 'h.e.l.l help too.

Mrs Crisp turned to me. 'What would you like me to serve tomorrow?

'Well, I like chicken.

'Yes, I could do chicken. With a wine sauce and grapes. A simple seafood salad to begin. I can make that in advance.

'Individual hazelnut tarts, said Sharon.

'There you go, said the cause of all the trouble, triumphantly. 'I knew as soon as you all stopped panicking wed have it sorted. And youve nothing to be ashamed of, Mrs C. Your cooking made me the man I am today.

Silence as his household contemplated the man he was today.

'No, said Mrs Crisp, firmly. 'Youre not putting all the blame on me.

The rest of the day was just a blur. Banished from the kitchen, I attacked the little morning room, polis.h.i.+ng and hovering until everything gleamed. We rummaged through the linen cupboard, finding bits and pieces we could use.

The best china came out, along with a canteen of cutlery. We sat down to polish while Mrs Crisp walked in and out of the pantry, muttering to herself, and the cause of all the trouble threw the whole thing into further chaos by announcing there would be two more. Andrew and Tanya.

Mrs Crisp stared at him.

'Whats the problem? Just do a few extra potatoes.

I took him away for a walk while she was still reaching for her battle tea-towel. We wandered up the lane and up onto the moors.

He said nothing about divorce nothing just burbling happily away in his usual manner.

'I dont think he wants you to go.

'Well, Im not. Not for another twelve months, anyway.

'I dont think he wants you to go at all.

'That doesnt seem likely. The sooner Im gone, the sooner he can look around for another, less fragile source of income. Otherwise, hes ditched Francesca for nothing.

Thomas said nothing in the way that only he can.

'Dont you agree?

'I agree his money problems are still not solved. As for the rest of it ... Jenny, why isnt he painting yet?

'I dont know.

'Well, ask him.