Part 23 (2/2)
”You mean Milner?” I did a quick rifle through my mental file. ”The manorexic English teacher from Queens?”
”Evie said he's not a manorexic. He's just thin because he's a vegan. He's also a fierce advocate for PETA, not that he included that on his profile. Evie just found that out tonight.”
”What happened?”
”Tabitha was pressing her to meet Mr. Tall, Dark and Six Foot Two, and Milner met the height requirement. So Evie set up the date and sent them to Jack Hughey's.”
”The steak place?”
Nina nodded and dread rolled through me. ”It seems this guy Milner tried to rescue Tabitha's rib eye before she could cut into it. They ended up in a fist fight in the parking lot.”
Why me? ”Tabitha's fine,” Nina went on. ”Just a few cuts and bruises, but Milner was so weak from lack of proper nutrition that he couldn't really hold his own. He's got two broken ribs and a broken nose. And he had to have st.i.tches because Tabitha stabbed him with her steak knife when he tried to take the meat away from her.”
Ouch.
”Evie said she tried to make peace with both of them. She bought Tabitha a members.h.i.+p to the Steak of the Month Club and sent a year's supply of Dietrim to Milner.” At my arched eyebrow, she added, ”They're the only diet supplement that doesn't experiment on animals. Anyhow. Tabitha's dead-set on talking to you now. Evie told her you were out of town, but that just made her all the more anxious. Evie wants you to call her ASAP.”
I was starting to think my night couldn 't get any worse, when the faint scent of cherries jubilee and Chanel No. 5 wafted through the air and wrinkled my nose.
Nah.
No way.
Not no, but h.e.l.l no.
Denial raged through my head, followed by a jolt of panic when the click clack of expensive high heels thundered in my ear drums. The scent grew stronger and the doork.n.o.b trembled. I bolted to my feet, but it was too late. The door opened and there she was. My worst nightmare.
”Ma?”
I t was the sedative.
And the lack of sustenance.
And the stress.
All three were s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g with my brain waves and causing hallucinations. That 's what I told myself. But no amount of blinking (or praying) could make my mother disappear.
She was real and she was here and I was so screwed.
She stood there in the doorway looking as Vogue as ever in a gray Stella McCartney s.h.i.+ft dress and gray python Christian Louboutins. She carried an alligator bag that matched the eight suitcases stacked behind her and a smile so big and wide that it made my legs shake.
”I came as soon as you called,” she declared, her voice shattering the steady PleaseG.o.dNo that echoed over and over in my head.
”But I didn't-”
”No, no, don't apologize for dragging me away from your father. Sure, he's this close to losing it completely and nuking our entire neighborhood with this homemade contraption he's been building, but he'll just have to blow himself up without me. As if a bomb is going to get rid of Viola. I keep telling him werewolves are like c.o.c.kroaches, but the man is obsessed. I 've got Remy keeping tabs on him for me, so I'm all yours. We think it's lovely of you to invite us down to share this experience.”
”We?”
”Hi, Lil.” Mandy picked her way past the luggage and came up next to my mother. ”Thanks for inviting me.”
”Inviting you?” Cut me some slack. We're talking my worst nightmare here.
”To partic.i.p.ate in your retreat,” my mother said. ”I've always wanted to focus on my inner strengths. Of course, we vamperes have both inner and outer strength and I don't really see the difference. But I'm always up for new challenges and experiences.”
A pod person. That was the only explanation. In addition to the mult.i.tude of Others out there, there were also little green body s.n.a.t.c.hers.
”I can't wait to get started.” She rubbed her hands together. ”It's going to be magnificent.” She slid an arm around Mandy's shoulders.
Seriously.
”The three of us together”-she gave Mandy a squeeze-”setting goals and overcoming our weaknesses.” She released Mandy with an abruptness that sent her stumbling backward, and eyeballed me. ”Speaking of which, you should really work on your att.i.tude, dear. Maybe tone down the pickiness. Otherwise, you'll never find a mate.”
Lose the X-Files. Jacqueline was definitely present and accounted for.
”When Evie filled us in on all the fun you were having,” my mother rushed on, ”and how you wanted us to come down and join you on your little retreat, I called Mandy and had her take a few days off at the hospital. ” She beamed. ”And here we are.” Her glance traveled around the room. ”You're actually staying here?”
”I know it looks bad-” I started, but she cut me off.
”Where's the mini-bar?”
”No mini-bar.” Abject horror lit her gaze and I couldn't help myself. ”No Jacuzzi. No turn-down service. No concierge. No complimentary bottle of AB-or a nice, comfy coffin with an extra-thick pad.” Those last two were only available at the Plaza, which was owned by Nina's father and, therefore, catered to the undead. But hey, I might as well lay it on extra thick, right?
She visibly swallowed and I gave myself a mental high five. This was it. She'd turn and hightail it back to Connecticut.
Or, at the very least, a five star hotel in Austin.
”Oh, well. That simply means fewer distractions.” She cleared her throat. ”We can devote our full attention to one another.”
Talk about a great big fat sack of No.
”It's not too bad,” Mandy offered. ”You should have seen my dorm room back in college. Talk about pathetic.”
”I can only imagine,” my mother readily agreed.
”Besides,” Mandy went on, ”the desk clerk was nice and they do have snacks in the lobby.”
”Wonderful.” My mother turned to Mandy. ”Why don't you run down and fetch me some Doritos and a few candy bars?”
”But Mother Marchette, you don't actually eat Doritos and candy bars,” Mandy pointed out, and the vein in my mother's right temple started to throb. ”Do you?”
”Oh, you'd be surprised what I eat, dear. And please call me Jacqueline. All my friends do.”
”I don't really feel comfortable doing that.” Mandy shook her head. ”You're my elder, after all.”
The vein swelled and threatened to explode. ”How respectful of you,” Jacqueline finally said, her words tight and controlled.
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