Part 32 (2/2)
”And you'll expect everything to be as it was.” Her mouth trembled as she began to cry. ”I've experienced too much. I've been with Shock. We can't sweep that under the rug. He will always be between us. Maybe he always was.”
Lucan looked like he wanted to refute Anka-and couldn't.
”In time, we could recover.”
”I'll always treasure our time together. But Mathias . . .” She choked on tears. ”You're a wonderful man, but you must see that I'm ruined. I won't make you endure that,” Anka murmured, then turned to Bram.
”Will you take me to Shock?”
Though Lucan fought and argued, Anka sent him a contrite stare, then allowed Bram to teleport her out.
Sydney lingered, looking as if she wanted to talk, but there was no need. The regret on her face told him that she understood his reluctance to mate now. He couldn't have ill.u.s.trated it more clearly if he'd drawn her a picture.
Finally, she left with Ice, Sabelle, and Duke.
Then Caden was alone with Lucan, who quickly decided his best friend was a bottle. Lucan hadn't had a sober moment since.
Shadow crept into the room as Caden looked over at his big brother, cradling his head in his hands, a mostly empty whiskey bottle on the table in front of him. Caden had no idea what to say. Plat.i.tudes that all would be well and time healed wounds seemed inane and insulting. He wasn't sure time would heal this wound, ever.
”Don't stare at me. Say something,” Lucan growled.
”I don't know what to say.”
”I haven't seen you in years. Your presence is a surprise.” Lucan laughed bitterly. ”One of many. When did you arrive?”
”When your mate mourning began.”
A reluctant smile tugged at Lucan's mouth before he took another swig. ”Bram come after you?”
”Sabelle, on Bram's orders.” ”Bet you hated returning.” Words couldn't express how much, but saying that to Lucan would only increase his guilt. ”I'm fine.”
”I'm glad you're back. You can't be truly happy in the States. You loved home so much when you were little.”
Loved home? Caden remembered the wonderful summer days before Westin's death. A lifetime ago, really. He hadn't thought of those times in decades, romping with his father and younger brother in the fields, playing magical hero, his mother vowing that would be his future.
How much everything had changed.
”The States are home now.”
”You'll be going back, then?” Lucan scowled.
Not until he was certain Lucan was okay and settled. Not until he found some way to protect Sydney from danger. ”Eventually.”
Lucan sighed. ”I see you transitioned. Recently?”
Caden nodded. ”Last week. Terrible stuff.”
Lucan took another long swallow. ”You have a strong signature. Powerful magic. Have you used it yet?”
”Not much.” Caden couldn't meet Lucan's eyes. His brother had chosen a magic life for himself, and Caden wondered if Lucan would understand his decision otherwise. ”I'd rather not. Magic brings nothing but destruction and heartache-”
”And days filled with endless possibilities. Westin's death wasn't your fault. Or Mum's.” Caden looked at him with burning eyes. ”Westin should never have died. I should have taken him elsewhere to play. Mum's spell-”
”In both the human and magical world, accidents happen.”
”Magic killed him-and took Anka from you, through no fault of your own.”
”No.” Looking down into the bottle, Lucan hesitated. ”I hold the blame.”
”What? Don't a.s.sume Mathias's guilt. You couldn't be with Anka all day, every day. You did your best to protect-”
”Not enough. Mathias took her and . . . I didn't save her.”
”d.a.m.n magic threw you into mate mourning. If not for that-”
”Even if I hadn't been in mate mourning, I still would have been out of my mind with worry. The truth is, I failed to consider that Mathias might make her a target when I joined the Doomsday Brethren. Now, I'm reaping what I've sown.”
Caden wanted to rea.s.sure Lucan that he couldn't have known, but the first rule of combat was to expect the unexpected.
”I haven't a clue what will happen,” Lucan went on. ”I don't want to give up on Anka, and the fact she hasn't accepted Shock's outstanding Mating Call gives me hope, but I nearly killed her. I didn't protect her when I should have. How can she forgive me?”
No doubt, Lucan still loved her. Profound sadness crept through Caden, and the tragedy wasn't even his.
”I'm sorry.”
Lucan shrugged. ”Who gave me energy while I was out of my mind?” ”We hired surrogates. Do you remember?”
”I remember women who smelled terrible. I remember being angry. I could see nothing, hear very little, but smell guided me. Then I remember a woman who smelled much like Anka . . . at first. The last time she came to me, I scented Sabelle.” Lucan winced. ”Tell me I didn't use my best friend's sister.”
”I'm sorry.” Caden could only apologize. Lying would do no good.
Lucan cursed. ”I owe her an apology for my rough behavior, I'm certain. And a great deal of grat.i.tude.
She's an amazing woman.”
Caden couldn't argue that. ”Indeed.”
A long silence followed, and Caden reached for his own bottle, swallowing the sting of the alcohol, letting it burn a path from his throat to his stomach.
”Let's talk of something more pleasant,” Lucan suggested. ”Tell me about the saucy redhead who left with Bram and the others.”
Caden tensed. ”Sydney Blair. She's a reporter for a human tabloid.”
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