Part 24 (2/2)

”I should go up and get back to work,” she said.

”You should.”

I turned my focus to Blake, whose face twitched with the slightest of satisfied smirks. He circled the vehicle and slipped into the driver's side before I could say anything. He zoomed off as quickly as he'd arrived, while I stood there trying to figure out his angle.

Risa had long disappeared into the building by the time I walked back in. I was hoping to buy myself some more time. My mind was spinning with the things I wanted to say to her. Trying to separate professional from unprofessional might have been a lost cause at this point. James met me on the landing, looking concerned.

”What's going on?”

”Blake just dropped Risa off from a abusiness lunch.'”

”Okay, so what?”

”First of all, he has no right to meet with my employees behind my back, and secondly, I could tell right away that the meeting was anything but innocent. First I had to tell her to leave you alone and now she appears to have set her sights on Blake. She's f.u.c.king relentless. The nerve that he has, showing up like this.” I was talking fast, not taking much care with what I was saying. ”No part of that is going to fly. There are plenty of other people out there. He can stay out of my office.”

Risa sure knew how to get what she wanted. That was all fine and well until now. Blake knew better. I paced back and forth over the landing. He wouldn't get away with this.

”You go on in. I'll be back in a little bit.” I turned to go back down.

Before I could make the first step, James caught my elbow and spun me toward him.

”Where are you going?”

”I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.”

”Why don't you wait a while and cool down. You're taking this too personally.”

”No, I'm not. This is totally unacceptable.”

”Why are you letting him get under your skin?” He frowned, seeming genuinely irritated.

I didn't care. I was furious. ”I'm not letting him screw my employees, okay? I don't think that's him getting under my skin.”

He took a step forward, bringing our bodies dangerously close. I tore my gaze away from his penetrating eyes. I focused on the wall behind him, trying not to think about how he made me feel when he was this close.

”You have no idea if he's s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g her or even pursuing her.” His voice was low and matter-of-fact. ”But you can't stay away.”

I shut my eyes tight and prayed for strength to get through this moment and the rest of the day without losing my mind.

”Erica.”

”What?” I kept my gaze low, unable to face him. I couldn't give him what he needed. I was barely surviving in the aftermath of my break up with Blake. I had no heart left to give to someone else.

”Will you hear me out, first, before you go running to him?”

I bristled slightly at the way he said that. I didn't like how it sounded at all. ”What do you have to say?”

His expression softened slightly, as if he sensed my irritation.

”I know this is complicated. You and me. But as much as you want to ignore it, there is something between us. I can feel it, and I know you can too. I care about you, and I can't stand to see this guy torturing you, ripping your G.o.dd.a.m.n heart out.”

I sighed. ”Believe me when I say you truly don't understand what I'm going through.”

”The only thing I don't understand is why you can't admit that you have feelings for me. Why do you keep fighting this?”

I couldn't give him an easy answer to that.

”I'm not so blind that I can't see what I do to you.” He ran his thumb across my cheek lightly.

”Maybe you're overestimating your effect on women,” I lied. He had an effect on me. I had no idea why. Since I'd met Blake, other men didn't come onto my radar, but James was right in front of me, impossible to ignore.

He laughed softly. ”You flush whenever we're close like this, like you need to catch your breath around me.” His thumb came down along my jaw and brushed over my lower lip. ”And the way you part your lips when you do...it's all I can do not to kiss you right now. Because somewhere underneath it all, I know you want me to.”

My breath rushed out of me. The second my eyes flashed to his, his mouth was on me, kissing me with soft and tender strokes that stole my breath. I tensed, waiting for the voice in my head to start screaming at me, but she didn't. Maybe she was as tired of fighting as I was. Something inside me let go. Through all the doubts, I gave myself permission to want James in this moment, for as long as this moment lasted. When he tightened his embrace, I arched into him and slipped my arms around his neck.

”James.” I whispered his name, letting the sound of it settle over me. I tried not to think about all the ways he felt different from Blake. The way he smelled, the way his body felt against my own.

”I'll make you forget all about him. Just let me in, Erica,” he whispered between kisses. His hands were everywhere, soft, tentative touches, but instead of fire, they left a chill across my skin. I s.h.i.+vered as I played his words over in my mind. Just let me in.

No. The little voice had just enough energy to speak up. James's lips tried in vain to coax me back, but whatever I'd felt in the heat of the moment had pa.s.sed. The fire that had swept through me and overtaken my senses so quickly had faded just as fast.

And that's when I knew. Blake was the only one I'd ever let in. Somehow he'd rooted himself in my soul, and no amount of l.u.s.ty chance encounters with James would change that.

”What's wrong?”

I shook my head. ”I can't do this.”

”What do I have to do? Please, just tell me.”

”You don't want to be with someone like me. G.o.d knows, I don't even want to be with myself most days.” I straightened and took a step back, trying to gain some distance between us.

”Why don't you let me be the judge of that?”

”There's nothing you can do, James. I can't be what you want me to be. This... This isn't fair to you.”

”Will you stop? Don't push me away because you're scared of what you're making me feel. I can watch out for my own feelings.”

”Maybe I'm scared for myself then. You're right. I am attracted to you. I can't deny that, but you need to understand that I can't love you.” The truth of the words struck me as I spoke them. I wasn't capable of loving anyone else right now, or possibly ever, no matter how great of a person he might be.

”I'm not asking you to love me. I'm asking for you to give us a chance. You have no idea what we could be because you won't even let us start.”

I squeezed my eyes shut. For weeks I'd been holding myself together with the emotional equivalent of duct tape. All I wanted was someone to help put me back together again, but James wasn't that person.

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