Part 25 (1/2)

”You want him. You're going to go running to him.” He stared at me a long time, his expression pinched with the frustration that seemed to bubble just below the surface.

”I'm not running to him.”

”It's pathetic to watch you doing this,” he snapped. ”Chasing after him when I'm standing right here. I want you. I'm losing my mind wanting you, and all you can think about is getting another chance with him.”

Anger surged through me at his a.s.sumption. ”I'm not chasing him, James. I left him. I left him. Okay? I broke my own heart. This is all my doing and you don't understand the first thing about it. So stay out of my head and my heart, and keep your f.u.c.king judgments to yourself.”

I wrung my fingers in an attempt to slow the tremble that hummed through me now.

He seemed to relax, his shoulders sagging slightly. His expression softened. ”I can't understand why you'd hold a candle for someone who hit you.”

”What?” I frowned. Had I heard him right?

”My dad had a heavy-hand too. I know it when I see it, trust me. But for the life of me, I can't understand why you'd tolerate it, no matter how much you cared about him.”

”I-oh my G.o.d. James, that day... Oh, s.h.i.+t.”

I let my head fall into my hands. I'd been so wrapped up in dealing with my own feelings that I'd never once thought about what he might think to see me like that. No wonder he hated Blake so much.

I took a step closer and put my hands on his chest. I didn't want to fight with him like this, and he needed to believe me. ”Blake has never hit me. I promise you. Please trust me when I say this whole situation is more complicated than you'll ever realize.”

My proclamation didn't have its desired effect. He stepped away, and my hands dropped down with his movement.

”Whatever you say, Erica.”

The defeated look on his face added an impossible guilt to my already shattered emotional state.

He turned and disappeared down the hallway and back into the office.

I had no idea what I would say if Blake happened to be at his office. He'd get an earful of everything I was thinking and feeling, one way or the other.

I marched through the bullpen with enough speed and focus that heads turned, my heels clicking as I went. I stormed through his office door, ignoring Cady's greeting, and slammed it behind me as soon as I found him at his desk. He swiveled in his chair.

”Erica, I wasn't expecting you so soon.”

”f.u.c.k you.” I walked up to the side of his desk, ready to give him a piece of my mind.

He rose gracefully and faced me. ”I thought you took f.u.c.king off the table when you broke up with me. If you've changed your mind about that, I'll admit I'm still interested.”

”Not making progress quickly enough with Risa?” I lifted my eyebrows and my lips firmed into a tight line.

”Not as quickly as she might like.”

I clenched my jaw. His words sliced through me like a thousand little knives. How could he change this way? Had he always been this cold? I took a breath and prepared myself for the fight.

”You can screw whomever you want, but stay away from my employees.”

”You seem to be taking a pretty liberal stance on workplace relations.h.i.+ps.”

”I don't know how many times I need to tell you, James and I are friends.”

”Is that so?”

”Yes,” I insisted. I didn't know why, but I really wanted him to believe it.

”Looks to me like he's hopelessly in love with you.”

I swallowed hard. ”So now you're using Risa and Sophia to get back at me, to make me jealous? Is that it?”

”Are you?”

He came closer, trapping me between him and the end of the desk. I backed up against it, feeling unsteady.

”How long was I supposed to wait for you, Erica? Or did you just come here to get off.” He slipped a hand up my thigh and reached for my panties.

I slapped his hand away. ”I didn't used to hate you.” I swallowed against the tightness in my throat.

The cold look in his eyes changed. They darkened with emotion. ”Loving me wasn't enough. You've made me desperate.”

I shook my head, confused.

”No? Maybe it wasn't love then.” He canted his head slightly.

”Blake-” I winced at the insinuation. How could he ever doubt it?

”You could barely say it, Erica.”

My mouth opened but the words caught. I wanted to tell him I loved him, hated him, and missed him desperately. Explain how so very tired I was of this painful and draining separation.

”Say it,” he bit out. ”If there's anything worth waiting for, I need to hear you tell me now.”

Unshed tears burned my eyes. ”Why would you wait for me?”

”Because I can't f.u.c.king help it,” he snapped. He raked his hands through his already messy hair. ”Jesus Christ, did you really think I'd just stop wanting you? Just like that? Flip a switch and everything would change? That I'd feel nothing?”

I squeezed my eyes closed, though I could feel his gaze burning into me. He cupped his hand behind my nape, bringing our faces so close. My eyes flew open at his rough breath against my lips. My heart pounded against my chest. His expression tightened, painted with all of the anger and frustration I'd spurred.

”Whatever it is that took you away from me, I'll fix it, I promise.”

”You can't fix this, Blake.”

”Like h.e.l.l, I can't. I'll do anything to get you back. Do you understand? Anything.”

The tears burned and streamed down my cheeks. The asking in his intensely green eyes took hold of me, enveloping everything. The pain behind them penetrated my soul. His expression softened, and he wiped away my tears, kissing the path they'd made down my face.

”You're the only one, Erica. There's never been anyone else.”

”But-”