Part 11 (1/2)

Maddox started to walk over to me but I put my hand up. ”Don't. If I could, I would leave today but I don't have enough money to go anywhere. Until I do move out I'll pay half of the rent and whatever else I need to pay for.” Since all I did was save my money since Maddox didn't allow me to pay for rent or anything I was able to buy all those gifts. But now, I was broke because I may have gone a little overboard. I just didn't calculate into it that Maddox and I would be breaking up and I would need to move out. I looked over in the direction of the gifts, waved my hands and said, ”You can keep the gifts because I don't want them.”

He started to open his mouth again but I beat him to it. ”I don't want to hear it Maddox. I thought you were different but last night put everything into perspective for me.”

With that I left the apartment and began my search for an apartment and another job. I knew just working at the library wouldn't make me enough money to move out anytime soon so I drove around and put in applications. I was just about to give up my search when I was at a red light and saw a Now Hiring sign in front of a local bookstore. As soon as the light turned green I pulled up in front of the bookstore and parked. I walked into the store and a jingle went off. Somebody from the back came out in front. ”Hi. How can I help you?”

The guy seemed really sweet. He had brown wavy hair and was tall and lean. He was wearing skinny blue jeans with a red sweats.h.i.+rt and black framed gla.s.ses. I smiled and said, ”I saw that you were hiring.” He started jumping up and down and squealing at the top of his lungs. ”Oh thank G.o.d. I thought I was going to die here without any help.” He must have seen the scared look on my face because walked out behind the counter and said, ”I'm Patrick Christiansen.” I put my hand out and said, ”I'm Isabelle.” He looked down at my hand and tilted his head to the side. Instead of shaking my hand he laughed and pulled me into a huge hug.

I should have been shocked that this complete stranger hugged me but there was something about him that was really comfortable. Instead of pulling away from me completely, he wrapped an arm around me and started to walk me into the back. ”Come on, I'll show you around.”

Patrick was really nice. He showed me all that I had to do which wasn't all that much. I just had to keep everything organized, help the customers out if they had any questions, and ring them out. He told me the hardest part was to have to keep a smile plastered on your face because some of the customers could be real ”b.i.t.c.h s.k.a.n.ks” as he put it.

For the rest of break Maddox and I stayed away from one another. I thought it was going to be pretty difficult but Maddox had decided to go home for break. A couple of times Sarah called me and tried to get me to explain what had actually happened between us. She informed me that Maddox was taking it pretty badly but I didn't care. I told her that what happened was between Maddox and me and if he wanted to explain it to her then he could.

I was done giving a s.h.i.+t. While my heart was broken I wasn't going to talk a bunch of s.h.i.+t on him. After all he gave me a place to sleep and put food in my stomach when he really didn't have to, so I just let it go. I was just happy that I didn't really have time to think about it. School was going to be starting up again soon and I had two jobs to keep me plenty busy.

Working at my new job was pretty awesome. Patrick was hilarious and in my spare time I got to read a bunch of the books we sold. I also got to read The Sea of Tranquility and told Patrick he had to read it. I lent it to him and he told me that he loved it. He also told me he loved that I worked there with him. While I helped out the customers he was able to get the background work done a lot faster. When I wondered why he was the only person who worked there he told me that his grandparents owned it. He said that they joked around that it didn't take a rocket scientist to work at a bookstore so they let Patrick work there.

He told me that this time of the season was pretty dead so while I sat on my stool in front of the store and read Patrick was working in the back. I was at a good part in my book when the jingle went off and informed me somebody walked in. I bookmarked my page and looked up and noticed that it was the guy from Spencer's who had hit on me. He looked up and smiled when he recognized me. ”Hey.”

I smiled and waved at him. Without taking his eyes off me he walked right in front of me and smiled. ”So how'd the boyfriend like the outfit?” My smile instantly disappeared and I said, ”Oh um, we broke up.”

Neil's smile also disappeared but then a c.o.c.ky grin took its place. ”That's a d.a.m.n shame because I know without a doubt you would have looked real s.e.xy in that outfit.” I could feel a blush on my face but I shook my head.

I looked up and saw Neil was still smiling and then he said, ”So I was thinking since you guys broke up how about I take you out for some coffee or something?” I was taken off guard but replied, ”I'm still getting over the break up but maybe some other time?”

I could tell that my answer wasn't the one he was hoping for but he smiled again. ”Well it wasn't a No so maybe I'll see you around Isabelle.” With that he turned around and started to walk out of the store. I was just about to ask him to tell me his name again but he turned around and said, ”It's Neil James by the way. Just in case you forgot.” After the door closed behind him I heard, ”d.a.m.n, that's a fine a.s.s.” I turned to see Patrick staring in Neil's direction and started laughing. He looked at me and said, ”Oh honey, I'm gay. I thought you knew?”

”I had my suspicions but I wanted to wait for you to tell me.” He smiled and then completely switched topics. ”So you just broke up with your boyfriend?” I told Patrick I didn't really feel like talking about it. Patrick a.s.sured me he was a great listener and that he would be there whenever I wanted to talk about it. He was just about to walk in the back and get back to his work when I spilled everything.

I told him about how Maddox and I were first friends and I moved in with him because of the whole Financial Aid fiasco and how things started changing. I told him about how he'd introduced me to his family and gave me a tattoo. I also told him about the last night we were together and how I was ready to give up my virginity but he rejected me.

I cried and it took a while for me to get everything out but after I finished Patrick pulled me into his arms and whispered, ”Oh honey, he's a jacka.s.s. I think he's just as scared as you. But I do have a solution to your problem.” He was still playing with my hair when I said, ”What?” Patrick put me at arm's length and said, ”My roommate just moved to California so I have a room available. Keep in mind that it's not big or anything but it's a roof over your head and it's dirt cheap. Plus my grandparents live next door and they're awesome. My grandma makes the best apple walnut waffles ever and my grandpa is f.u.c.king hysterical. I'm not saying you have to but it's an option if you want.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. ”Thanks Patrick.” I pulled away and looked at him. ”You're amazing. You know that right?” He just shrugged his shoulders and said, ”Sweetie, I'm f.u.c.king awesome!” I had no words so I just laughed and we got back to work.

It was two months into the new semester and Maddox and I were getting along better. He and I both worked a lot and were rarely ever home at the same time so it was really easy to stay away from each other. At first it was hard on everyone but I told them that I didn't want sides to be taken. Maddox and I had made our decision so that was all there was to it. Sarah and Gabe didn't agree with us breaking up but decided to let it go. Jade gave a sneaky smile when we all asked her about the c.o.c.k ring and said, ”That's for me to know b.i.t.c.hes and for you to find out!” Jason ended up breaking up with Christie over break and Ashlynn ”broke up” with Derrick as well. I told her that it was a good decision and she realized that it was for the best and she was ready to move on with her life. She also told me that Derrick was fine with the ”breaking up”. He told her that he was tired of pretending and whether people liked it or not he was going to live his life the way he wanted to. No more hiding.

It was a Sat.u.r.day night and we all decided to have a girl's night out which consisted of Sarah, Jade, Ashlynn, Derrick, Patrick and I. In a drunken state Ashlynn told everyone that her and Derrick dating was just to get Jason jealous. We all laughed and Jade said, ”I can't believe I'm related to a dumba.s.s!” While we all needed a night out to just relax because of our hectic schedules I had secret motives. I thought Derrick and Patrick would be really cute together. While Derrick was a little quiet Patrick was loud and flamboyant and told you to your face exactly how it was.

After we all ordered our drinks we went onto the dance floor. I had my arms wrapped around Patrick and we were laughing and having a good time. When the song was over we walked back over to the bar and ordered shots of tequila for everyone and while we waited I started up Operation: Get Patrick and Derrick together. I was just about to open my mouth when Patrick turned to me with a huge smile plastered to his face. After taking a sip of my beer I said, ”What are you smiling about cutiepie?”

”Besides the fact that Derrick is completely cute and totally f.u.c.kable?” I giggled and said, ”I thought you guys would be really cute together. I mean you guys look totally adorable together but you also even each other out really well.” He smiled again and hugged me. ”I completely love you gorgeous, but that's not why I'm smiling.” I pulled out of his embrace and had confused written all over my face.

He moved closer to me and said, ”That hottie from the bookstore is here and he hasn't taken his eyes off you since we've walked in.” My eyes bugged out of my head and I turned around. Neil was on the other side of the bar drinking a beer and looking directly at me. I spun right around and Patrick started giggling. I was about to ask him what I should do when the bartender placed the tequila shots in front of us and Patrick handed one to me. ”You might need this because hottie is walking over here right now!” I took the shot back and welcomed the warm liquid and then sucked on the lime.

As soon as I turned around Neil was right in front of me. He didn't say anything. Just placed a hand in front of me and said, ”Dance with me.” I put my hand in his and Neil walked me out onto the dance floor. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Sarah, Jade, Ashlynn, and Derrick were watching me but I didn't care.

As soon as we were in the middle of the dance floor I wrapped my arms around his neck and Neil wrapped his arms around my waist. I was grateful that a slow song was playing because I was a little nervous. We danced for a few minutes then Neil said, ”So about that date?” I smiled against his chest and lifted my head to look up into his eyes. I huffed and said, ”I really appreciate it but I'm just not ready yet. For now I just want to be single and have fun in college.” He shrugged his shoulders and said, ”It was worth a shot but whoever you end up with is going to be real lucky.” I kissed him on the cheek and said, ”Thank you.” We danced a few more songs and then we went our separate ways.

Neil was really cute but I just wasn't ready to go into another relations.h.i.+p so fast. A part of me was still hoping there was a chance with Maddox. There was just something that stuck out to me. When Maddox and I first broke up I thought he was going to go back to his old ways of just having s.e.x with girls but he did the exact opposite. He started working all of the time and I wondered if maybe he did actually care about me and I had made a horrible mistake. I started second guessing myself and questioning my motives but I realized that if I had make a mistake Maddox would have tried to convince me otherwise. He didn't do that. He just kind of dropped it and let it go and that hurt more than words could ever be used to describe.

Memo to the Male Species:

Girls like men who know what they want and go after it, not boys who twiddle their thumbs and make it a puzzle we girls have to solve. Because guys, we aren't going to solve that riddle. Hate to break it to ya!

I decided right then and there that I needed to move on with my life and not hold out for something that could possibly never happen. I noticed Patrick and Derrick were talking over at the bar and while I didn't want to interrupt, I knew that if I didn't go over there I would psych myself out. I walked over to the bar, wrapped my arms around Patrick from behind, and kissed him on the cheek.

”Is that room still available?” Patrick swung around and picked me up and started cheering. ”h.e.l.l YEAH IT IS GORGEOUS! OMG WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN. WE CAN EAT ICE CREAM AND WATCH A BUNCH OF CHICK FLICKS AND - ” As much as I wanted to talk about being roommates with Patrick, I wanted Patrick and Derrick to continue talking more so I said, ”We can talk about this later cutiepie.” With that I kissed him on the cheek and walked over to where Sarah, Jade, and Ashlynn were dancing.

We all started dancing together and I looked over in the direction of Patrick and Derrick and smiled. Because as I came to the realization that Maddox and I would never be, another relations.h.i.+p was beginning to blossom. With some water, sunlight, and a lot of patience it would become a beautiful thing.

Chapter 16.

Maddox and I rarely saw each other but on one of the rare occasions we did actually see one another I told him that I was moving out. He didn't say anything to me, just shrugged his shoulders and went into his room. Part of me felt like complete s.h.i.+t because I couldn't believe that this was how it was going to end but I knew he'd deserved for me to tell him in person. He didn't deserve a text that read: Me - I'm moving out.

Patrick and I talked all the time and he couldn't wait for me to move in with him. It had been three weeks since our girls' night out and Patrick and Derrick were still dating. They seemed really happy together and I was extremely happy for the both of them. Derrick had gone through a lot and didn't deserve the hatred of others putting him down and hiding who he truly was and I was so happy that he'd found Patrick. Patrick introduced Derrick to his grandparents and they instantly loved him. Derrick had asked Patrick if it was too early but Patrick said, ”Why stop the inevitable?”

I had wanted to move into Patrick's sooner but my course load and working two jobs was taking up all of my time. When I wasn't working, I was either doing homework or going to cla.s.ses. When I finally had a weekend off I decided to buckle down and get a move on. I got all of the boxes, duct tape, and markers that I would need and began to pack up my room.

I was folding clothes and putting them in boxes. Wrapping up picture frames filled with my friends and Maddox. I was playing music but I heard slamming coming from the kitchen and gla.s.s shattering so I got up off the floor and walked over to my door. I didn't think Maddox was going to be here but apparently he was. A part of me didn't want to see what all of the noise was but I turned the k.n.o.b and walked out anyway.

I stopped at the bathroom and heard more things breaking and deep breathing in and out. I took a deep breath and walked out into the living room and turned to look at the kitchen. It took me a second to comprehend what exactly was going on. Maddox was holding a beer in one hand and grabbing anything breakable in the other and throwing it at the wall as hard as he possibly could.

”What the h.e.l.l is the matter with you? Why are you acting like this?” I screamed at him. He dropped the plate he was holding and it crashed to the floor below him and then he turned to look at me. I had never seen this side of Maddox before. His eyes were filled with so much anger and rage that it scared me a little. I started to walk backwards and I could see in his eyes that he realized he was scaring me. He put down his beer and took a deep breath before he opened his mouth. ”Why are you doing this?”

Was he serious? He was the one throwing dishes against the wall and shattering them. I was just packing up my room. There was no contest.

”Because I can't deal with THIS anymore. What we have going on between us. h.e.l.l, I don't even know what it is. You introduce me to your family over Thanksgiving break. You surprise me on Christmas Day. You gave me the best Christmas ever and then that same night you took it all away. You rejected me and it crushed my heart. I thought for a second you actually cared about me but Cynthia was right. I am stupid.”

He picked the beer back up off the counter and took a healthy gulp. ”You belong in a f.u.c.king psych ward if you truly think that!” I laughed at him. ”Which part exactly? The part where you rejected me? The part where I think I'm stupid? Please Maddox, tell me exactly which part you're talking about?” He slammed the beer he was holding up against the wall and it splattered everywhere. Foam started running down the wall onto the carpet.

”DAMMIT YOU ARE THE DUMBEST, MOST STUBBORN PERSON I HAVE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!” I couldn't believe how angry he was getting. Veins were bulging out of his neck and for a second I thought he was going to turn into the Incredible Hulk. If anyone was supposed to be mad it should have been me. The one person I thought I trusted was telling me exactly what I already knew. ”SEE! EVEN YOU THINK IT!” I screamed back.

In an instant Maddox lunged at me and grabbed me by the arms. He was squeezing so hard that if he didn't let go a little he was going to leave bruises. He could see in my eyes I was in pain and he loosened his hold on me. ”f.u.c.k Isabelle. I also think you are the smartest, most beautiful girl I have ever met and if you pulled your head out of your a.s.s and opened your eyes for two f.u.c.king seconds you would see that I love you.”

I almost didn't hear him but I had never had anybody say those words to me before. ”Y-You what?!” I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes, but I would not allow Maddox to see me cry about him anymore. I would not allow anymore tears to fall because of him. For him.

He let go of me and started backing up into the breakfast bar. ”You heard me. From the moment I saw you it has always been you. It will always be just you.”