Part 10 (2/2)

”Okay.” Blake leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

Danica caught a whiff of his musky cologne and sat back in an effort to remain professional.

”Should I write them down, or...”

”No, just tell me and I'll note them.” A good distraction.

”Okay, well, there's my bar hopping, Dave's affair, and Rusty.” He sat back and looked at Danica.

Did she see something other than worry in his eyes, or was it her imagination? Could she be transferring her l.u.s.tful feelings onto him? She really needed to get a grip. She noted each issue. ”Okay, anything else?” Danica wondered if the heat she felt in her cheeks was visible or just in her mind. She looked down at the notebook again.

Blake smiled. ”Isn't that enough?”

She smiled at his joke. ”It is, yes. Okay, so which of these do you want to tackle first?”

He looked at her thoughtfully, his eyes traveling over her hair to her face. She felt him staring at her mole. Stop. Please stop. He lifted his eyes, then said, ”I just realized what's different about you lately. You're not dressed all professional. Wait, that didn't come out right.”

She had no control over the smile that spread across her lips. He noticed. What are you, fourteen? Get a grip. ”Oh, this?” She tried to play it off casually, swatting at her scarf and blouse. ”My sister picked it out for me. I'm doing a little soul searching of my own lately.”

”Well, I mean no disrespect, but you look great in anything you wear. The blue scarf is really great. It sets off your eyes.”

Danica looked down, as uncomfortable as she was excited by his remark. She knew better than to let this go too far. She reined in her smile and gave him a stoic nod. If she was going to remain his therapist, then she had to draw a line somewhere.

”I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say anything inappropriate,” Blake added.

”I understand. Let's focus on your list, shall we?” She searched his eyes for whatever had been there before and was met with disappointment. She'd metaphorically slapped his wrist, and as a therapist, she was in no position to apologize. d.a.m.n.

”I guess the first thing I want to talk about is what to do about Rusty, then Dave, then, well, you know.” He looked away.

”Okay, Rusty. Last time we spoke, you'd taken him to practice and he'd ditched it, and if my memory serves me correctly, he said some pretty harsh things about his father.” Danica loved when she was on top of her game, and s.h.i.+fting the focus to Rusty allowed her to fall back into line. This, she could handle.

”Yes, well, the story thickens. Sally asked me if I'd take Rusty out sometimes, just so he has someone to talk to. She actually suggested every week. I think she needs the break.”

”How do you feel about that? Will you feel like a glorified babysitter, or is there more to this?” Danica watched him settle comfortably in the chair, looking less like a confused, frightened tiger.

”No. I think she really wants him to have a guy to talk to. There's more to it, though, and I just feel funny talking about it all.” He clenched his fingers around his thighs.

Danica cleared her throat, trying not to notice that the frightened tiger was back-the criminally handsome, frightened tiger. ”Only you can decide what you want to share with me.” Why did everything she say end up sounding a lot like she was flirting?

He stood and paced, a habit Danica was getting used to. She only hoped this time it didn't end in him blowing up.

”Sally told me some things about Dave that I'm really having trouble with. I know we talked about my wondering if I was a good enough friend, but my inadequacies...” He turned to face Danica and lifted his eyebrows. ”Your word, not mine.” He smiled. ”My inadequacies of friends.h.i.+p are worse than I thought. Dave was having an affair, and I had no idea.”

”Ah, I see. And Sally knew this?” That poor woman.

”Yes, she knew, and she knew about Rusty not having practice. I didn't ask for details-I don't want to know, really-but I think I should have known Dave was lying to me, don't you?”

”I didn't know him, but my thought is, not necessarily. You knew what he wanted you to know, or you saw what he wanted you to see.”

”That sounds like a cop-out. You're letting me off easy.” Blake wasn't joking.

”No, I'm being real. Think about it, Blake. When you pick up a woman, do you let her see everything about your life, or only pieces of it?” How much would you have let Kaylie see?

”Pfft. That's hardly the same thing. We were friends, and most of the women I've...Well, the women weren't friends; they were just hookups.” He leaned back again and crossed his arms.

”It doesn't matter. In any interaction-even ours, now, here-we show only what we want to show. Everyone does it. If Dave was fooling around, for whatever reason, he kept that hidden from you, and probably all the prying in the world wouldn't have changed that.”

Blake leaned forward again. ”If you could have seen how hurt Sally was...It was awful. I'm sure she wonders every day if it was her fault, or what he did with that other woman-the woman who I actually saw at the funeral home.” He shook his head.

”I'm sure she's devastated. Trust is everything in a relations.h.i.+p.” She waited until he looked up and then reiterated. ”In any relations.h.i.+p.”

”So, maybe Dave didn't trust me?”

”Or maybe he did, and he knew you might tell him something he didn't want to hear.”

”Whatever the reason, it made me realize that I don't want to be that person. I'm not married, and who knows if I ever will get married, but I don't want to be the person doing the hurting. On any level.” His eyes softened and he said, ”I'm really glad I'm here, because a few weeks ago I would have probably slit my wrists before allowing myself to feel that way. I don't really want to be that guy anymore. I want to be someone who people are proud of.”

”That's a great goal to have, Blake, and I'm confident that whatever you see as your inad-as your faults-you can overcome them and turn things around.”

”Sally didn't even tell her family. She was too ashamed. I think on some level, Dave must have been ashamed of himself, too. Otherwise, I'm sure he would have said something to me. And not only that, but Sally doesn't really have strong animosity toward the other woman. She almost understands it.” He shook his head. ”I just don't get it.”

”What goes on in a marriage will never be understood outside of the walls around that union. You can't guess the whys or hows of someone else's relations.h.i.+p, or what they're feeling. Some women might feel as though they'd lost their husband, and nothing else matters, while others might blame the mistress.”

Blake's forehead wrinkled. ”But she should hate that woman. She should hate Dave and maybe even hate me for who I am. I don't know. It just seems weird.”

”That's not for you to decide. You can feel bad for Sally and Rusty-or not. You can make a choice to help them through their hard time, or not. But whatever your decision, recognize that you may never understand why Dave did what he did or why Sally feels what she feels.” She set the notebook down. She softened her tone. ”We can only control who we are, Blake. You are doing all the appropriate things. You are working on yourself, so that you-and no one else matters here but you-can take pride in the person you are.” Danica thought about how true that statement was. How many people had she counseled who had expected others to make them happy or complete? That had to come from within, and Danica had found that after her clients found a sense of pride in themselves, the happiness had an easier path to follow. Her thoughts turned to Mich.e.l.le, which led her to think of Nancy. What was she doing to find a sense of pride in her life? How much must it have hurt to be turned away by Mich.e.l.le? Danica wondered if she should be having the same conversation with Nancy so she didn't spiral back down into the bottle.

”Intellectually, I get that, and I want to help Rusty. I have no idea what I'll do with him, though.”

”What does Sally want you to do?”

”Just be there for him, take him out sometimes.” Blake glanced at the clock. ”We're almost out of time, and I really want to talk about the last thing today, too.”

Danica was relieved. She wanted to hear what he had to say about the bar, and she still wasn't sure if she'd mention that Kaylie was her sister. ”Are you okay with the whole Rusty thing? We didn't really define what you should do with him.”

”Yeah, it helped. I do want to help him, and I'll find something to do with him. How hard can it be?”

”Okay, then let's move on.” Danica's pulse sped up as she thought about Kaylie and Blake together.

”The other night, I went to Bar None.” He searched her eyes, and Danica did her best to keep them nonjudgmental. ”Kaylie was there.”

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