Part 21 (2/2)

At that time there was at the baths a rich Switzer of quality: from whom was stolen not only his money, but his wife's jewellery, which was of gold, silver, pearls, and precious stones. And since 'tis as grievous to lose such things as 'tis hard to get them, therefore the said Switzer would move heaven and earth to come by them again, and did even send for the famous devil-driver of the Goatskin,[37] which did so plague the thief by his charms that he must needs restore the stolen goods to their proper place: for which the wizard earned ten rix-dollars.

With this enchanter I had fain conversed: but, as I then conceived, it could not be, without lessening of my dignity (for at that time I thought no small beer of myself). So I did engage my servant to be drunk with him that same night (having learned he was a toper of the first quality) to see if by such means I could have his acquaintance: for so many strange things were told to me of him that I could not believe till I had heard them from himself. To that end did I disguise myself as a strolling quack, and sat down by him at table to see if he could guess or the devil could tell him who I was: yet could I mark no such knowledge in him, but he would drink and drink, taking me for that which my raiment proclaimed me, yea, and drank some few gla.s.ses to my health, yet shewed more respect to my knave than to me. For to him he told in all confidence that if he that had robbed the Switzer had thrown but the smallest part thereof into running water and so shared the booty with the devil, it had been impossible either to name the thief or to get back the goods.

To all these silly conceits I listened, and wondered how the father of deceits and lies can by so small a thing bring men into his clutches. I could easily conceive that this was a clause in our enchanter's indenture with the devil, and perceive how such a trick could not help the thief if only another exorcist were fetched in to detect the theft, in whose compact this condition was not to be found: and so charged my knave, that could steal better than any gipsy, to make the man drunk and then steal his ten rix-dollars, and presently thereafter to cast a couple of batzen into the river Rench. This he did with all diligence, and when the witch-doctor next morning missed his money, he betook himself to a thicket by the bank of the Rench, doubtless to confer with his familiar spirit: by whom he was so ill-handled that he came off with a face all bruised and scratched; whereat I felt such pity for the poor old rogue that I gave him back his money and sent him a message that, since he now could see what a traitorous, evil spirit the devil was, he might renounce his service and company, and turn to G.o.d again: which warning brought me but little profit, for presently my two fair horses sickened and died by witchcraft; and what else could I expect?

for I lived like Epicurus in his stye and never did commend my goods to G.o.d's care: why, therefore, should the wizard not be able to revenge himself on me?

_Chap. vii._: HOW HERZBRUDER DIED AND HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS AGAIN FELL TO WANTON COURSES

With the spa I was the more pleased the longer I stayed, for not only did the guests increase daily, but the place and the manner of life also delighted me hugely. I joined acquaintance with the merriest that resorted thither and did begin to learn courtesy and compliment, wherewith I had till then troubled myself but little: and so was counted as of the n.o.bility, my people calling me ever ”n.o.ble captain”; for no mere soldier of fortune did ever gain so high a post at that age at which I still was. So with these rich fops I made, and they with me, not acquaintance only but sworn friends.h.i.+p; and pastime, play, eating, and drinking were all my work and care, which robbed me of many a fair ducat without my much perceiving or marking of it: for my purse was yet fairly heavy with Oliver's legacy.

Meanwhile things went from bad to worse with Herzbruder, till at last he must pay the debt of nature, all doctors and physicians now deserting him on whom they had fattened so long. So he confirmed once more his last will and testament and made me heir of all he had to receive from his late father's property. And in return I gave him a n.o.ble funeral and sent his servants on their way with mourning and money withal.

Yet his disease heartily vexed me, and especially because he had been poisoned: and though I could not change that, yet it changed me: for now I eschewed all company and sought only for solitude to give a hearing to my sad thoughts: to which end I would hide myself in some thicket and there would muse, not only upon what a friend I had lost, but also how I should never in my life find such another one. At times I would lay all manner of plans for my future life and yet could resolve on none: now I thought I would to the wars again: and then bethought me how even the poorest peasant in this land was better off than any colonel: for into those mountains came never a foraging party.

Yea, I could well fancy what an army would find to do there in ravaging of the country, seeing that all the farmhouses were well kept, as if in peace-time, and all the stalls full of cattle, while in many a village of Germany in the plains neither dog nor cat could be found. So as I delighted myself with hearing of the sweet song of birds, and did fancifully conceive how the nightingale should by her dulcet song silence all other birds and force them to listen either from shame or to steal somewhat of her pleasant strains, there came to the opposite bank of the stream a beauty, that did move me more, because she wore but the habit of a peasant girl, than could any fine demoiselle have done; which took a basket from her head wherein she had a pack of fresh b.u.t.ter, to sell at the spa: this did she cool in the water that it might not melt by reason of the great heat, and meanwhile, sitting down upon the gra.s.s, did throw aside her kerchief and her peasant hat and wipe the sweat from her face, so that I could exactly observe her and feed my curious eyes upon her: and truly methought I had never seen a fairer form in my life: for the mould of her figure seemed perfect and without blemish, her arms and hands white as snow, her face fresh and sweet, but her black eyes full of fire and amorous looks. So as she was packing of her b.u.t.ter up again I cried across to her, ”Ah, maiden, 'tis true ye have cooled your b.u.t.ter in the water with your fair hands, yet with your bright eyes have ye set my heart afire.” But she no sooner saw and heard me but away she ran as if she were pursued, without answering me a word, and so left me possessed with all the follies wherewith fantastic lovers are wont to be tormented.

But my desire to be further illumined by this sun left me not in peace in the solitude I had chosen, but caused me to care no more for the song of the nightingale than for the howl of a wolf: therefore I made my way to the spa, and did send my page in front to accost the pretty b.u.t.ter-seller and to bargain with her till I should come: so he did his best, and I, when I came, did mine also: but found a heart of stone, and such coldness as I had never thought to find in any peasant-girl, which made me yet more in love, especially since I, that had been much a scholar in such schools, might well judge by such a carriage she would not easily be befooled.

And now should I have had either a great enemy or a great friend: either an enemy to think of and devise evil against, and so to forget my fool's love, or a friend that should give me other counsel and warn me from the folly I proposed. But alas! I had naught but my money, which did but dazzle me, and my blind desires which led me astray, I giving them the rein, and mine own impudence, that ruined me and brought me to disaster. Fool that I was, I should have judged by our clothes, as by an evil omen, that her love would work me woe. For I having lost Herzbruder and the girl her parents, we were both dressed in mourning clothes when we first met: and so what joy could our love portend? In a word, I was properly caught in a fool's snare, and therefore as blind and without reason as the boy Cupid himself: and because I had no hope otherwise to satisfy my b.e.s.t.i.a.l desires, I did determine to marry her.

”For how!” thought I, ”thou beest by descent but a peasant's brat and wilt never in thy life keep thy castle: and this fair champaign is a n.o.ble land, that throughout this grisly war hath, in comparison with other parts, maintained itself in peace and prosperity: besides, thou hast gold enough to buy thee even the best farm in this countryside: and now shalt thou marry with this honest peasant-girl and get thee a lord's reputation among the country-folk. And where couldst find a cheerfuller dwelling-place than near the spa, where thou canst, by reason of the coming and going of the guests, see a new world every six weeks, and so conceive how the great world doth change from one age to another?”

Such and a thousand like plans I made, till at length I sought my sweetheart in marriage and (yet not without pains) did obtain her consent.

_Chap. viii._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS FOUND HIS SECOND MARRIAGE TURN OUT, AND HOW HE MET WITH HIS DAD AND LEARNED WHO HIS PARENTS HAD BEEN

So I made fine preparation for the wedding: for all seemed rose-colour to me. Not only did I buy up the whole farm whereon my bride had been born, but began also a fine new building besides, as if I would rather keep court than keep house: and before the wedding was over I had already more than thirty head of cattle on the farm; for so many could it maintain all the year round: in a word, I had the best of everything and such fine household plenis.h.i.+ng as only folly like mine could devise. But soon I must whistle to a different tune, for I found my bride too knowing; and now, all too late, was I ware of the cause why she had been so loath to take me: and what vexed me most was that I could tell to no man my silly plight. I knew well enough that 'twas reasonable I must pay the piper; yet the knowledge made me not more patient, still less better in life; nay, rather I thought to betray the traitress, and so began to go a-grazing where I could find pasture: which kept me rather in good company at the spa than at home, and for a year at least I left my housekeeping to take care of itself. And for her part my wife was as slovenly as I: an ox that I had had slaughtered for household use she salted in baskets like pork, and when she was to prepare a sucking-pig for me she tried to pluck it like a fowl: yea, she would cook crayfish with a roasting-jack and trout on a spit: from which examples a man may judge what manner of housewife I found her: and withal she would drink freely of the good wine and share it with her good friends: and that was a sign of my coming disasters.

Now it fell out that as I was walking down the valley with some fops of the spa to visit a company at the lower baths, there met us an old peasant with a goat on a string, that he wished to sell, and because methought I had seen him before, I asked whence he came with his goat.

At which he doffed his cap and ”Your wors.h.i.+p,” says he, ”that I may not tell you.” ”How,” said I, ”surely thou hast not stolen the beast?”

”Nay,” answered the peasant, ”but I bring him from a village there in the valley, the which I may not mention to your wors.h.i.+p in the presence of a goat”[38] which caused my company to laugh, and because I changed colour they deemed I was vexed or ashamed that the peasant did answer me so neatly. Yet my thoughts were otherwise, for by the great wart that this peasant had, like an unicorn, in the middle of his forehead, I was a.s.sured 'twas my dad from the Spessart, and so would first play the conjurer before I would make myself known and delight him with so fine a son as my clothes shewed me to be. So I said to him, ”Good father, is not your home in the Spessart?” ”Yes, your wors.h.i.+p,” says he. ”Then,” said I, ”did ye not some eighteen year agone have your house and farm plundered and burnt by the troopers?” ”Yea, G.o.d-a-mercy,” quoth the peasant, ”yet 'tis not so long ago”: but I asked him further, ”Did ye not, then, have two children, a grown daughter and a young lad that kept your sheep?” ”Nay, your wors.h.i.+p,”

says my dad, ”the daughter was my child but not the boy: yet would I bring him up as mine own.” And by that I understood I was no son of this rough yokel: and that in part rejoiced me yet again troubled me, for I thought now I must be some b.a.s.t.a.r.d or foundling, and therefore asked my dad how he had come by the said boy or what reason he had had to rear him as his own. ”Ah,” says he, ”I had strange luck with him: by war I got him and by war I lost him.”

But now being afeared lest some fact should come to light that would disgrace my birth, I turned the discourse upon the goat again and asked if he had sold it to the hostess for cooking, which would seem strange to me as knowing that her guests used not to eat old goat's flesh. But ”Nay, your wors.h.i.+p,” quoth the peasant, ”the hostess hath goats enow and will pay naught for such: I do bring her for the countess that is at the spa to bathe. For Doctor Busybody hath ordered certain herbs for this goat to eat: and the milk that she gives therefrom the doctor taketh to make a medicine for the countess, that is to drink the milk and so be cured: for they say the countess hath no stomach, and if the goat help her 'twill do more than the doctor and all his sawbones together.” While he thus talked I considered how I might have further speech with him, and so offered him for the goat a dollar more than the doctor or the countess would give: to which he readily agreed (for small gain will easily turn folk), yet on condition he should first tell the countess that I had bid a thaler more: and if she would give as much she should have the preference: if not, he would bring me the goat and would in the evening let me know how the business stood. With that my dad went his way and I, with my company, ours: yet could I and would I not stay longer with them, but turned me back and went where I found my dad again: who still had his goat, for others would not give him so much as I: which, for so rich people, did amaze me, yet made me not more n.i.g.g.ardly: for I took him to my new-bought farm and paid him for his goat, and when I had him half-foxed I asked of him whence came the lad to him of whom we spoke to-day. ”Ah, your wors.h.i.+p,” says he, ”the Mansfeld war brought him to me and the Nordlingen battle took him away again.” ”And that,” quoth I, ”must be a merry story,” and so I begged him, since we had naught else to talk of, to tell it me to pa.s.s the time.

With that he began, and says he, ”When Mansfeld[39] lost the battle at Hochst, his people were scattered abroad as not knowing whither to flee: of whom many came into the Spessart, seeking woods wherein to hide them: but though they had escaped death on the plains they found it in the hills: for since both parties thought it their right to plunder and murder one another on our lands, we peasants would have a finger in their pie too. So 'twas but seldom that a farmer would go into his woods without a musquet, for we could not bide at home with our hoes and ploughs. And in this wild business did I light upon a fair young lady mounted on a goodly horse, in a savage and lonesome wood, yet not far from my farm: and just before, I had heard shots fired: and at first I took her for a man, for she rode like such: yet when I saw her raise hands and eyes to heaven and in a pitiful voice, though in a strange tongue, cry aloud to G.o.d, I lowered my gun, with which I would have fired upon her, and unc.o.c.ked it; for her cries and actions did well a.s.sure me 'twas a woman, and one in trouble withal. So we drew near to each other, and when she saw me, 'Ah,' says she, 'if ye be a Christian and an honest man, I pray you for G.o.d and His mercy, yea, and for that Last Judgment before which we must all give account of our deeds and misdeeds, to bring me to some married woman that with G.o.d's help may deliver me of my burden!' Which words, as being of such import, together with the gentle speech and the troubled, yet fair and kind face of the poor lady, did compel me to such pity that I took her horse by the bridle and led her over bush and brier to the thickest part of the wood whither I had brought my wife, my child, my people, and my cattle for refuge: and there within half an hour was she delivered of that young boy of whom we did discourse to-day.”

With that my dad finished his story and his gla.s.s: for I was no n.i.g.g.ard of my wine for him: and when he had emptied it I asked him how it fared thereafter with the lady: to which he answered thus: ”When she was delivered she begged me to be G.o.dfather, and to bring the child to baptism as soon as might be, and told me her own and her husband's name that they might be written in the book of Christenings: and then did she open her wallet wherein she had full costly trinkets, and of these gave so many to me, to my wife and child, my maid-servant and to another woman that was by, that we might well be content with her: but even while she did this, and told us of her husband, she died under our hands, having first commended the child to us. But since the tumult in the land was then so great that none could abide in his own house, we had much trouble to come by a clergyman that should baptize the child and attend the funeral. Yet both being done, 'twas commanded me by our burgomaster and our priest that I should rear the child till 'twas grown, and for my trouble and cost should keep all the lady's property save a few rosaries and precious stones and jewellery, which I should keep for the child. So my wife did nourish the babe with goat's milk, and we loved the lad, and did think when he should be grown up to give him our daughter to wife: but after the battle at Nordlingen did I lose both boy and girl and all that I possessed.”