Part 21 (1/2)

There did I hire a cheerful parlour and a chamber for us, such as the visitors to the baths do commonly use to have, especially in summer: which be mostly rich Switzers that do resort here more to pa.s.s the time and make a show than to take baths for any disease. So also I bargained for our food, and Herzbruder, seeing how princely I began, counselled me frugality, and reminded me of the long hard winter that we had yet to pa.s.s, for he dreamt not that my money would hold out so long; and I should need all I had, he said, for the spring when we should depart: for much money was soon spent if one ever took from it and never added to it: 'twas blown away like smoke and was certain never to return, etc. At such loyal counsel I could no longer conceal from Herzbruder how rich my treasury was, and how I was minded to spend it for the good of both of us, since its extraction and growth were so unholy that I could not think to buy lands with it; and even if I were not minded to spend it so as to maintain so my best friend on earth, yet it were but right that he, Herzbruder, should enjoy Oliver's money in revenge for the insult he had before received from him before Magdeburg. And when I knew myself to be in all safety, I drew off my two shoulder-bags, divided the ducats and pistoles, and said to Herzbruder he might dispose of this money at will, and spend and disburse it as he would, so that it might best profit us both.

When he saw, besides the greatness of my faith in him, how much the money was, with which I, without him, could have been a pretty rich man, ”Brother,” says he, ”since I have known thee thou hast done naught but shew thy constant love and truth to meward. But tell me, how thinkest thou that I can ever repay thee? I speak not of the money, for this perchance might in time be repaid, but of thy love and faith, and especially of the exceeding trust thou hast in me, which is not to be estimated. In a word, brother, thy n.o.ble soul doth make me thy slave, and the favour thou shewest me is more easy to admire than to repay. O honest Simplicissimus, into whose mind it never entereth (even in these G.o.dless days in which the world is full of knavery) to think how poor, needy Herzbruder might with this fair stock of money make off and in his place leave thee in want! Of a surety, brother, this proof of true friends.h.i.+p bindeth me more to thee than if a rich lord should give me thousands. Only I beg thee, my brother, remain master guardian and steward of thine own money. For me 'tis enough that thou art my friend.”

To this I answered, ”What strange discourses be these, my honoured Herzbruder? Ye give me to understand ye are much bounden to me, and yet will ye not see to it that I spend not my money vainly and to your damage and mine!” And so we disputed with one another childishly enough, because each was drunken with love of the other: thus was Herzbruder made at once my steward, my treasurer, my servant, and my master: and in our time of leisure he told me of his life and by what means he was known and promoted by Count Gotz, whereupon I told him how I had fared since his father (of pious memory) died: for until then we had never had so much time. But when he heard I had a young wife in Lippstadt, he did reprove me that I had not repaired to her rather than with him to Switzerland, for that had been more fitting, and was my duty moreover: and when I would excuse myself, that I could not find it in my heart to leave him, my best friend, in misery, he persuaded me to write to my wife and tell her of my condition, with the promise to visit her as soon as might be: to that I did add excuses for my long absence, namely, all manner of contrarious happenings, though greatly I had desired to be with her long ere now.

Meanwhile Herzbruder, learning from the public prints that it stood well with General Count Gotz, and that in particular he would succeed in his vindication before his Imperial Majesty, would be set free, and even again receive command of an army, sent an account of how he stood to that general at Vienna, and wrote also to the Bavarian army on the score of his baggage that he had there: yea, and began to hope his fortunes would again flourish. Upon which we concluded to part in the spring, he going to the said count, and I to my wife at Lippstadt: yet not to pa.s.s the winter in idleness we did learn from an engineer to make more fortifications on paper than the kings of France and Spain together could build: so too I made acquaintance with certain alchymists that, because they saw I had money at my back, would teach me to make gold, an I would but bear the expense of it: yea, and I do believe they had persuaded me thereto had not Herzbruder given them their conge, saying that he that possessed such an art would not need to go about like a beggar, nor to ask others for money.

But though Herzbruder did receive from Vienna a gracious answer from the said count and fine promises, I heard no single word from Lippstadt, though on several post-days I did write in duplicate. Which put me in ill humour and was the cause that that spring I went not to Westphalia, but obtained from Herzbruder that he should take me with him to Vienna and let me share in his hoped-for good fortune. So with my money we equipped ourselves like two cavaliers, both in clothing, horses, servants, and arms, and travelled by Constance to Ulm, where we embarked upon the Danube, and from thence in eight days came safely to Vienna.

_Chap. iv._; IN WHAT MANNER SIMPLICISSIMUS AND HERZBRUDER WENT TO THE WARS AGAIN AND RETURNED THENCE

Things be strangely ordered in this changeful world; 'Tis said he that should know all things would soon be rich: but I say he that always could seize his opportunity would soon be great and powerful. For many a skinflint or cheese-parer (both which honourable t.i.tles are given to misers) gets rich enough by knowing and using some knack of gain: yet is he not therefore great, but is and remaineth always of less estimation than when he was poor: but he that can make himself great and powerful, him riches follow after close. So did luck, that is wont to give power and riches, look on me favourably for once, and gave me when I had been some eight days in Vienna opportunity in hand to mount upon the rungs of fame without hindrance: yet I did it not. And why? I hold 'twas because my fate had willed for me another road, namely, that along which my foolishness did lead me.

For the Count von der Wahl, under whose command I had before made myself famous in Westphalia, was even then in Vienna when I came thither with Herzbruder: which last was at a banquet when divers Imperialist councillors of war were present with the Count of Gotz and others, where the talk was of all manner of strange fellows, soldiers of different qualities, and famous partisans: and there was mention made of the huntsman of Soest, and such famous exploits of him told that some wondered at the youth of the fellow and lamented that the crafty Hessian colonel Saint Andre had hung a weight round his neck so that he must either lay aside the sword or serve under Swedish colours: for the said Count von der Wahl had found out all the trick which the same colonel had played me at Lippstadt. Herzbruder, that was there present and would fain have forwarded my interest, asked for indulgence and leave to speak, and said he knew that huntsman of Soest better than any man in the world, which was not only a good soldier that feared not the smell of powder, but also a good rider, a perfected fencer, an excellent professor of musquetry and artillery, and besides all this one that would yield place to no engineer in the world: that he had left not only his wife (that had been so shamefully imposed upon him), but all that he had at Lippstadt, and again sought the emperor's service, and so had in the last campaign served under the Count of Gotz, and being then taken by the troops of Weimar and desiring to return to the Imperialists, had with his comrade slain a corporal and six musqueteers that had pursued them and would bring them back, and had earned rich booty thereby, and so had come with him to Vienna with intent to offer his service once more against his Imperial Majesty's enemies, provided only he could have such terms as suited him: for as a common soldier he would serve no more.

By this time the wors.h.i.+pful company were so fl.u.s.tered with good liquor that they must satisfy their curiosity to see the huntsman: to which end Herzbruder was sent to fetch me in a coach: who on the way instructed me how I should carry myself among these persons of quality, since my fortune in time to come depended on this. So when I came to them, at first I answered all questions very short and sententiously, so that they began to admire me as one who said nothing that had not a prudent meaning: in a word, I so presented myself that I pleased all, besides this, that I had from Count von Wahl the reputation of a good soldier. But with all this I got drunk, and well can I believe that in that condition I proved to all how little I had been at court. And this was the end of it all: that a colonel of foot promised me a company in his regiment, which I refused not: for I thought, ”To be a captain is indeed no trifle.” Yet Herzbruder next day rebuked me for my folly, and said, had I but held out longer I had risen to high rank.

So was I presented to a company as their captain, which company, although with me 'twas in respect of officers fully staffed, yet counted no more than seven privates that could stand sentry. Besides, my under-officers were such old cripples that I must needs scratch my head when I looked upon them. And so it came about that in the next engagement, which happened not long after, I was with them miserably beaten: in which affair Count von Gotz lost his life and Herzbruder his t.e.s.t.i.c.l.es, which were shot away: and I had my share in the leg though 'twas but a trifling wound. Whereupon we betook ourselves to Vienna, there to be cured, and also because we had there left all our property.

But besides these wounds, which were soon healed, there appeared in Herzbruder other evil symptoms which the doctors could not at first recognise, for he was paralysed in all his extremities like a choleric person whom his gall doth plague, to which complexion he was no more given than to anger. Nevertheless he was counselled to take the waters, and to that end the Griesbach in the Black Forest was commended to him.

And so doth fortune suddenly change. For Herzbruder just before had been minded to marry a young lady of quality, and to that end to get him made a Freiherr and me a n.o.bleman: but now must he make other plans; for having lost that by which he had meant to propagate his family, and being, moreover, threatened with a tedious sickness ensuing upon that loss, in which he would have need of good friends, he made his will, and appointed me heir of all his property, the more so because he saw how for his sake I cast my fortune to the winds and gave up my command, that I might bear him company to the Spa and there wait on him till he should recover his health.

_Chap. v._: HOW SIMPLICISSIMUS RODE COURIER AND IN THE LIKENESS OF MERCURY LEARNED FROM JOVE WHAT HIS DESIGN WAS AS REGARDS WAR AND PEACE

So as soon as Herzbruder could ride we despatched our money (for now we had but one purse in common) by way of banker's draft to Basel, equipped ourselves with horses and servants, and made our way up the Danube to Ulm and thence to the Spa before mentioned, for now 'twas May and pleasant travelling. There did we hire a lodging: but I rid to Stra.s.sburg, not only to receive in part our money which we had conveyed thither by way of Basel, but also to inquire for the medicos of experience that should prescribe for Herzbruder recipes and the manner of his taking the baths. These came to me, and were of opinion that Herzbruder had indeed been poisoned, yet was the poison not strong enough to kill him offhand, and therefore it had made its way into his limbs, from whence it must be evacuated by drugs, antidotes and sweating-baths, which cure would last some eight weeks or so. At that Herzbruder remembered at once when and by whom that poison had been given him; namely, by them that would have had his place in the army: and when he further learned from the physicians that his cure needed no spa, then was he a.s.sured the field-surgeon had by his enemies been bribed to send him so far away: yet did he resolve to complete his cure there at the spa, for 'twas not only a healthy air but also there was cheerful company among the bathing-guests.

This time would I not waste: for I had a desire to see my wife once more: and since Herzbruder needed me not greatly, I did open to him my project, which he did praise, and advised me I should visit her, giving me also certain trinkets of price which I should on his behalf present to her, and therewith beg her pardon for that he had been the cause why I had not before sought her out. With that I rode to Stra.s.sburg, and not only provided myself with moneys but inquired also how I might prosecute my journey in the safest way: whereupon I found 'twas not to be accomplished by a horseman riding alone; for the roads were made unsafe by the parties sent out from so many garrisons of the two contending armies. So I got me a pa.s.s for a post-rider of Stra.s.sburg, and drew up certain letters to my wife, her sisters, and her parents, as I would send him with them to Lippstadt: yet feigned to be of a different mind, took back the pa.s.s from the messenger, sent back my horse and servant, and disguised myself in a red and white livery: in that I journeyed by s.h.i.+p to Cologne, which was at that time neutral between the two parties.

And first I must go to visit my Jupiter, that had aforetime appointed me his Ganymede, to ask how it fared with the property I had left there: but him I found quite brain-sick again and full of anger against the human race. ”O Mercury,” says he, as soon as he saw me, ”what news from Munster? Do men conceive they can make peace without my good will?

Nay, never! they did have peace. Why kept they it not? Was not vice everywhere triumphant when they provoked me to send them war? And how have they deserved that I should give them peace again? Have they since been converted? Are they not become worse, and do they not run into war as to a festival? Or have they perchance repented them by reason of the famine that I sent among them, whereof so many thousands died of hunger? Or hath the grievous pestilence terrified them to better their ways, whereby so many millions were cut off? Nay, nay, Mercurius, they that remain, that did see these dreadful sufferings with their own eyes, have not only not repented, but be grown worse than ever they were. And if they have not been turned by so many sore plagues, nor have ceased to live in G.o.dless wise in the midst of such trial and tribulation, what will they do if I should grant them again the delights of golden peace? Then must I fear lest, as once did the giants, so they now should try to storm my heaven. But such overweening I will check in good time and leave them to perish in their war.” But I knowing how one must go about with this G.o.d if one would make him hear reason, ”Oh, great G.o.d,” says I, ”all the world doth sigh for peace and promise great amendment: why wilt thou then continue to refuse them such?” ”Yea,” answered Jupiter, ”doubtless they sigh: yet not for my sake but their own: not that each may praise G.o.d under his own vine and fig-tree, but that they may enjoy the fruit thereof in peace and delight. Of late I asked of a scurvy tailor, should I give him peace?

He gave me answer, 'twas the same to him, that must ply his needle as well in peace as in war: and the like answer I got from a brazier, which said if he could get no bells to found in peace time, yet in time of war he had enough to do with cannon and mortars. So likewise, a smith replied to me and said, 'Though I have no ploughs and hay-carts to mend in war-time, yet have I so many war-horses and army waggons to deal with that I can well afford to do without peace.' Lookye then, dear Mercurius, why should I grant them peace? True there be some that do desire it, yet only as I say, for their belly's sake and their pleasure: contrariwise there be others that will still have war, not because 'tis my will, but because 'tis for their profit. And just as the masons and carpenters desire peace, to earn money by the building again of ruined houses, so others that be not sure of earning a living by their handicraft in time of peace do hope for the continuing of war, wherein they can steal.”

Now when I found my Jupiter so to go about with these matters, I could well conceive that he, with so confused a mind, could give me little account of mine own, and so I made not my business known to him, but took the bull by the horns, and away by by-paths well known to me, to Lippstadt, where I inquired for my father-in-law as I were a messenger from foreign parts, and learned at once that he, with his wife, had quitted this world six months before, and secondly, that my dear wife, having been delivered of a man-child, that was now with her sister, had in like manner straightway, after her lying-in, quitted this mortal scene. Upon that I delivered to my brother-in-law the writings which I had before addressed to my father-in-law, to my wife, and to him, my wife's brother. Who would have entertained me himself, to learn from me, as from a messenger, how it fared with Simplicissimus and of what rank he was now. In the end mine own sister-in-law did at length converse with me, I telling of myself all the good I knew; for my pock-pitted face had so marred and changed me that no man could know me more, save Herr von Schonstein: and he, as my true friend, did hold his tongue. But I telling her at length how Herr Simplicissimus had many fine horses and servants and rode abroad in a black-velvet coat all trimmed with gold, ”Yea,” said she, ”I did ever believe he was of no such low descent as he gave himself out to be: the commandant of this place did ever persuade my late parents, with great a.s.surances, that they had made a good match with him for my sister, which had ever been a virtuous maiden: yet of all that I myself could never look for a good ending. Nevertheless did he content himself and resolve to take upon him either Swedish or Hessian service in the garrison here: and to that end would he fetch hither his goods that he had left at Cologne: which turned out ill, and he himself was by clean roguery spirited away into France, leaving my sister, that had had him to husband but for four weeks, yea, and a half-dozen of citizens' daughters likewise, with child by him; all which one after another, and my sister last of all, were brought to bed of boys. So since my father and mother were dead, and I and my husband without hope of children, we did adopt my sister's child to be the heir of all our property, and with the help of the commandant here did get possession of his father's money at Cologne; which same might be reckoned at three thousand gulden; and so the young lad when he shall come of age shall have no cause to count himself among the paupers. Yea, I and my husband do love the child so much that we would not yield him up to his own father though he came in person to fetch him away: moreover, he is the comeliest of all his half-brothers, and so like to his father as he had been cut out on his very pattern: and I know if my brother-in-law did but hear what a fair son he hath he would not delay to come hither were it but to see the little sweetheart.”

The like talk my sister-in-law held, by which I might well perceive her love to my child, which now ran about in his first breeches, and rejoiced mine heart: and with that I brought out the trinkets that Herzbruder had given me to present on his behalf to my wife: which, said I, Master Simplicissimus had given me to deliver to his wife for a salutation: who being dead, I accounted it fair to leave the same for his child: all which my brother-in-law and his wife received with joy, and were convinced thereby that I had no want of means, but must indeed be a fellow of a different sort from that which they had fancied me to be. So now I pressed for leave to be gone, and having obtained such, I begged in the name of Simplicissimus to kiss Simplicissimus the younger, that I might tell the same to his father for a token. And this being done with the goodwill of my sister-in-law, my nose and the child's began at once and together to bleed, till I thought my heart would break: yet did I hide my feelings, and that none might have time to mark the cause of this sympathy, I took myself off at once, and after fourteen days of much trouble and danger came again to the spa in beggar's garb: for on the way I had been plundered and stripped.

_Chap. vi._: A STORY OF A TRICK THAT SIMPLICISSIMUS PLAYED AT THE SPA

So being returned, I found Herzbruder rather worse than better, though the doctors and apothecaries had plucked him cleaner than any pigeon: nay, more: he seemed to me now to be childish, nor could he walk straight. I did hearten him up as best I could, but his was an ill plight; himself perceiving well by his loss of strength that he could not last long; and his chief comfort was this, that I should be by his side when he should close his eyes. Contrariwise I was merry, and sought my pleasure where I thought to find it: though in such wise that Herzbruder lacked none of my care. Yet because I knew myself now for a widower, the fine weather and my young blood enticed me to wantonness, whereunto I did fully give myself over; for the fear that had possessed me at Einsiedeln I had now quite forgot. Now there was at the spa a fair lady[36] that gave herself out to be a person of quality, yet was to my thinking more ”mobilis” than ”n.o.bilis”: to this man-trap did I pay my constant court as to one that seemed a bona roba, and in brief s.p.a.ce of time did obtain not only free entry to her but also all such favours as I could desire. Yet had I from the first a disgust at her lightness, and so did devise how I might in all courtesy be rid of her: for methought she had her eye more on my purse than on me for a bridegroom: yea, and did persecute me with hot and wanton glances and the like tokens of her burning love wheresoever I might be, till I must be shamed both for her sake and mine own.