Part 19 (1/2)
”My heavenly Father,” thought I, ”how am I changed since then! My faithful Lord, what will at last become of me if I turn not? Oh! check thou my course, that will a.s.suredly bring me to h.e.l.l if I repent not.”
So speaking and so thinking did I follow Oliver to a village wherein was no living creature: and there to have a better view we did go up into the church steeple: there had he in hiding the shoes and stockings that he had promised me the night before, and moreover two loaves of bread, some pieces of dried meat, and a barrel half full of wine, which would have easily afforded him provision for a week. So while I was putting on what he gave me he told me here was the place where he was wont to wait when he hoped for good booty, to which end he had so well provisioned himself, and, in a word, told me he had several such places, provided with meat and drink, so that if he could not find a friend at home in one place he might catch him elsewhere. For this must I praise his prudence, yet gave him to understand that 'twas not well so to misuse a place that was dedicated to G.o.d's service. ”What,” says he, ”misuse? The churches themselves if they could speak would confess that what I do in them is naught in comparison with the sins that have aforetime been committed in them. How many a man and how many a woman, thinkst thou, have come into this church since it was built, on pretence of serving G.o.d, but truly only to shew their new clothes, their fine figure, and all their bravery! Here cometh one into church like a peac.o.c.k and putteth himself so before the altar as he would pray the very feet off the saints' images! And there standeth another in a corner to sigh like the publican in the temple, which sighs be yet only for his mistress on whose face he feedeth his eyes, yea, for whose sake he is come thither. Another cometh to the church with a packet of papers like one that gathereth contributions for a fire, yet more to put his debtors in mind than to pray: and an he had not known those debtors would be in the church he had sat at home over his ledgers.
Yea, it doth happen often that when our masters will give notice of aught to a parish, it must be done of a Sunday in the church, for which reason many a farmer doth fear the church more than any poor sinner doth fear the judge and jury. And thinkest thou not there be many buried in churches that have deserved sword, gallows, fire, and wheel?
Many a man could not have brought his lecherous intent to a good end had not the church helped him. Is a bargain to be driven or a loan to be granted, 'tis done at the church door. Many a usurer there is that can spare no time in the week to reckon up his rogueries, that can sit in church of a Sunday and devise how to practise fresh villainies. Yea, here they sit during ma.s.s and sermon to argue and talk as if the Church were built for such purpose only: and there be matters talked of that in private houses none would speak about. Some do sit and snore as if they had hired the place to sleep in: and some do naught but gossip of others and do whisper, 'How well did the pastor touch up this one or that one in his sermon!' and others do give heed to the discourse but for this reason only! not to be bettered by it, but that they may carp at and blame their minister if he do but stumble once at a word (as they understand the matter). And here will I say naught of the stories I have read of amorous intercourse that hath its beginning and end in a church; for I could not now remember all I could tell thee of that. Yet canst thou see how men do not only defile churches with their vices while they live but do fill them with their vanity and folly after they be dead. Go thou now into a church, and there by the gravestones and epitaphs thou wilt see how they that the worms have long ago devoured do yet boast themselves: look thou up and there wilt thou see more s.h.i.+elds and helmets, and swords and banners, and boots and spurs than in many an armoury: so that 'tis no wonder that in this war the peasants have fought for their own in churches as if 'twere in fortresses. And why, then, should it not be allowed to me--to me, I say, as a soldier--to ply my trade in a church, whereas aforetime two holy fathers did for the mere sake of precedence cause such a blood-bath in a church[32] that 'twas more like to a slaughter-house than a holy place? Yea, I would not so act if any did come here to do G.o.d's service; for I am but of the lay people: yet they, that were clergymen, respected not the high majesty of the emperor himself. And why should it be forbidden to me to earn my living by the church when so many do so earn it? And is it just that so many a rich man can for a fee be buried in the church to bear witness of his own pride and his friends' pride, while yet the poor man (that may have been as good a Christian as he and perchance a better), that can pay naught, must be buried in a corner without? 'Tis as a man looks upon it: had I but known that thou wouldst scruple so to lay wait in a church I had devised another answer for thee: but in the meanwhile have thou patience till I can persuade thee to a better mind.”
Now would I fain have answered Oliver that they were but lewd fellows that did dishonour the churches as did he, and that they would yet have their reward. Yet as I trusted him not, and had already once quarrelled with him, I let it pa.s.s. Thereafter he asked me to tell him how it had fared with me since we parted before Wittstock, and moreover why I had had the jester's clothes on when I came into the camp before Magdeburg.
Yet as my throat did mightily pain me, I did excuse myself and prayed him he would tell me the story of his life, that perchance might have strange happenings in it. To that did he agree, and began in this manner to tell me of his wicked life.
_Chap. xvi._: OF OLIVER'S DESCENT, AND HOW HE BEHAVED IN HIS YOUTH, AND SPECIALLY AT SCHOOL
”My father,” said Oliver, was born not far from Aachen town of poor parents, for which reason he must in his youth take service with a rich trader that dealt in copper wares: and there did he carry himself so well that his master had him taught to write, read, and reckon, and set him over his whole household as did Potiphar Joseph. And that was well for both parties, for the merchant's wealth grew more and more through my father's zeal and prudence, and my father became prouder and prouder through his prosperity, so that he grew ashamed of his parents and despised them, of which they complained, yet to no purpose. So when he was five-and-twenty years of age, then died the merchant, and left an aged widow and one daughter, which last had played the fool and was not barren: but her child soon followed his grandfather. Thereupon my father, when he saw her at once fatherless and childless but not moneyless, cared not at all that she could wear no maiden's garland again, but began to pay her court, the which her mother well allowed, not only because her daughter might so recover her reputation but also because my father possessed all knowledge of the business and in especial could well wield the Jews' Spear.[33] And so by this marriage was my father in a moment a rich man and I his son and heir, whom for his wealth's sake he caused to be tenderly brought up: so was I kept in clothes like a young n.o.bleman, in food like a baron, and in attendance like a count, for all which I had more to thank copper and calamine than silver and gold.
”So before I reached my seventh year I had given good proof of what I was to be, for the nettle that is to be stings early: no roguery was too bad for me, and where I could play any man a trick I failed not to do so, for neither father nor mother punished me for it. I tramped with young rascals like myself through thick and thin in the streets and was already bold enough to fight boys stronger than myself: and did I get beat, my foolish parents would say, 'How now? Is a great fellow like that to beat a mere child?' But if I won (for I would scratch and bite and throw stones), then said they, 'Our little Oliver will turn out a fine fellow.' And with that my indolence grew: for praying I was yet too young: and if I did curse like a trooper, 'twas said I knew not what I said. So I became worse and worse till I was sent to school: and there I did carry out what other wicked lads do mostly think of, yet dare not practise. And if I spoiled or tore my books, my mother would buy me others lest my miserly father should be wroth. My schoolmaster did I plague most, for he might not deal with me hardly, receiving many presents from my parents, whose foolish love to me was well known to him. In summer would I catch crickets and bring them secretly into the schoolroom, where they did play a merry tune. In winter would I steal snuff and scatter it in that place where 'tis the custom to whip the boys. And so if any stiff-necked scholar should struggle my powder would fly about and cause an agreeable pastime: for then must all sneeze together.
”So now I deemed myself too great a man for small roguery, but all my striving was for higher things. Often would I steal from one and put what I had stolen in another's pouch to earn him stripes, and with these tricks was I so sly that I was scarce ever caught. And of the wars we waged (wherein I was commonly colonel) and the blows I received--for I had ever a scratched face and a head full of bruises--I need not to speak: for every man doth know how boys do behave: and so from what I have said canst thou easily guess how in other respects I spent my youth.”
_Chap. xviii._: HOW HE STUDIED AT LIEGE, AND HOW HE THERE DEMEANED HIMSELF
”Now the more my father's riches increased, the more flatterers and parasites he had round him, all which did praise my fine capacities for study, but said no word of all my other faults or at least would excuse them, seeing well that any that did not so could never stand well with my father and mother. And so had they more pleasure in their son than ever had a tomt.i.t that has reared a young cuckoo. So they hired for me a special tutor, and sent me with him to Liege, more to learn foreign tongues than to study: for I was to be no theologian, but a trader. He, moreover, had his orders not to be hard with me, lest that should breed in me a fearful and servile spirit. He was to allow me freely to consort with the students, lest I might become shamefaced, and must remember that 'twas to make, not a monk, but a man of the world of me, one that should know the difference between black and white.
”But my said tutor needed no such instruction, being of himself given to all manner of knaveries. And how could he forbid me such or rebuke me for my little faults when he himself committed greater? To wine and women was he by nature most inclined, but I to wrestling and fighting: so did I prowl about the streets at night with him and his likes and learned of him in brief s.p.a.ce more lechery than Latin. But as to my studies, therein I could rely on a good memory and a keen wit, and was therefore the more careless, but for the rest I was sunk in all manner of vice, roguery, and wantonness: and already was my conscience so wide that one could have driven a waggon and horses through it. I heeded nothing if I could but read Berni or Burchiello or Aretine during the sermon in church: nor did I hear any part of the service with greater joy than when 'twas said 'Ite missa est.'
”All which time I thought no little of myself but carried me right foppishly: every day was for me a feast-day, and because I behaved myself as a man of estate, and spent not only the great sums that my father sent me for my needs, but also my mother's plentiful pocket-money, therefore the women began to pay us court, but specially to my tutor. From these baggages I learned to wench and to game: how to quarrel, to wrestle, and to fight I knew well before, and my tutor in no wise forbade my debaucheries, since he himself was glad to take part in them. So for a year and a half did this monstrous fine life endure, till my father did hear of it from one that was his factor in Liege, with whom indeed we had at first lodged: this man received orders to keep a sharper eye upon us, to dismiss my tutor at once, to shorten my tether, and to examine into my expense more carefully. Which vexed us both mightily: and though he, my tutor, had now his conge, yet did we hold together, one way or the other, both by day and night: yet since we could no longer spend money as before, we did join ourselves to a rogue that robbed folks of their cloaks at night; yea, or did drown them in the Meuse: and what we in this fas.h.i.+on earned with desperate peril of our lives, that we squandered with our wh.o.r.es, and let all studies go their way.
”So one night as we, after our custom, were prowling by night, to plunder students of their cloaks, we were overcome, my tutor run through the body, and I, with five others that were right rascals, caught and laid by the heels: and next day we being examined and I naming my father's factor, that was a man much respected, the same was sent for, questioned concerning me, and I on his surety set free, yet so that I must remain in his house in arrest till further order taken.
Meanwhile was my tutor buried, the other five punished as rogues, robbers and murderers, and my father informed of my case: upon which he came himself with all haste to Liege, settled my business with money, preached me a sharp sermon, and shewed me what trouble and unhappiness I had caused him, yea, and told me it seemed as my mother would go desperate by reason of my ill conduct: and further threatened me, in case I did not behave better, he would disinherit me and send me packing to the devil. So I promised amendment and rode home with him: and so ended my studies.”
_Chap. xviii._: OF THE HOMECOMING AND DEPARTURE OF THIS WORs.h.i.+PFUL STUDENT, AND HOW HE SOUGHT TO OBTAIN ADVANCEMENT IN THE WARS
”But when my father had me safely home, he found I was in very truth spoiled. I had proved no wors.h.i.+pful dominie as he had hoped, but a quarreller and a braggart, that imagined he knew everything. So hardly was I warm at home when he said to me, 'Hearken, Oliver, I do see thine a.s.ses' ears a-growing fast: thou beest a useless c.u.mberer of the ground, a rogue that will never be worth aught: to learn a trade art thou too old: to serve a lord thou art too insolent, and to understand and follow my profession thou art but useless. Alas, what have I accomplished with all the cost that I have spent on thee? For I did hope to have my joy in thee and to make of thee a man: and now must I buy thee out of the hangman's hand. Oh fie, for shame! 'Twere best I should set thee in a treadmill and let thee eat the bread of affliction till some better luck arise for thee, when thou shalt have purged thee of thine iniquities.'
”Now when I must day by day hear such lectures, at the last was I out of all patience, and told my father roundly I was not guilty of all, but he and my tutor, that led me astray: and had he no joy of me, so was he rightly served, that had given his parents no joy of him, but had let them come to beggary and starvation. On that he reached for a stick and would have paid me for my plain speaking, swearing loud and long he would have me to the House of Correction at Amsterdam. So away I went, and the same night betook me to his newly bought farm, watched my opportunity, and rode off to Cologne on the best horse I could find in his stables.
”This horse did I sell, and forthwith lit upon even such a crew of rogues and thieves as I had left at Liege. So at play they did know me for what I was and I them, for both did know so much. Straightway I was made one of their brotherhood, and was their helper in their nightly excursions. Yet when presently one of our band was caught in the Old Market as he would relieve a lady of quality of her heavy purse, and specially when I had seen him stand an hour in the pillory with an iron collar on, and, further, had seen one of his ears cut off and himself well whipped, that trade pleased me no more, but I enlisted as a soldier: for just then the colonel with whom we served before Magdeburg was a-recruiting. Meanwhile had my father learned where I was, and so did write to his factor he should inquire concerning me: which befell even then when I had drawn my first pay: and that the factor told my father, which gave orders that he should buy me out, cost it what it might: but when I heard that, I had fear of the House of Correction, and so would not be bought out. Through this was my colonel aware I was a rich merchant's son, and so fixed his price so high that my father left me as I was, intending to let me kick my heels awhile in the wars and so perchance come to a better mind.
”'Twas not long before it happened that my colonel's writer died, in whose place he employed me, as thou knowest. And thereupon I began to have high thoughts, in hope to rise from one rank to another, and so in the end to become a general. From our secretary I did learn how to carry myself, and my intent to grow to a great man caused me to behave myself as a man of honour and repute, and no longer, as of old time, to play rogues' tricks. Yet had I no luck till our secretary died, and then methought, 'Thou must see to it that thou hast his place.' And all I could I spent: for when my mother heard I had begun to do well she ever sent me moneys. Yet because young Herzbruder was beloved by our colonel and was preferred to me, I purposed to have him out of the way, specially because I was sure the colonel would give him the secretary's place. And at the delaying of the promotion which I so much desired I was so impatient that I had me made bullet proof by our Provost, so to fight with Herzbruder and settle matters by the sword: yet could I not civilly come at him. Yea, and our Provost warned me from my purpose and said, 'Even if thou makest him a sacrifice, yet will it do thee more harm than good, for thou wilt but have murdered the colonel's favourite.'