Part 13 (2/2)

”Petrified right? You don't have to tell me, I can relate to that Luke. Boy can I relate to that,” said Ben, shaking his head before draining his gla.s.s. ”I mean we're two young guys in our prime right? Our whole lives ahead of us. We could do anything, go anywhere, be anything, and look at us. One minute you're thinking that with a bit more practice you could still be a pro footballer and the next minute all bets are off because someone tells you that the next eighteen years of your life have been taken from right under your nose. Just like that. I sympathise with you man. I'm there with you Luke. We're in this together mate, you and me,” said Ben, flinging an arm around Luke's shoulders and picking up his next pint.

”And another thing,” said Ben, spilling lager as he waved it in the air. ”And I'm sure you'll agree with this one Luke. So you have a baby right and suddenly you and the mother are supposed to get married and stay together forever, just like that. I tell you, I take my hat off to you mate. I'm young but you're a b.l.o.o.d.y child. I know I shouldn't say this but I can't believe you're doing this. I really can't.”

Luke stared at the ground and started to kick the wall.

”Look you can tell me, man to man like,” said Ben, bending over to try and get Luke to look at him. ”Is this what you really want?”

Luke kicked the wall extra hard then raised his head, looking Ben in the eye for probably the first time ever.

”Yes I do,” he said steadily. ”Because my dad is a s.h.i.+t. He hates my guts. Just because I'm not like him, he thinks I can't do anything right. He's made my life h.e.l.l. And it's not the kid's fault is it? Every kid deserves a good dad. Every kid does, don't they?”

Ben stood open-mouthed. He had never heard a sentence from Luke, never mind a whole string of them.

”Don't they?” Luke repeated much louder.

Ben reeled back from the force of Luke's question and the lager that had got the better of his legs.

Luke grabbed a chair and managed to get Ben to sit on it.

”They do don't they?” Luke asked Ben yet again.

Ben looked up at him, thinking.

Eventually he said very quietly, ”They b.l.o.o.d.y well do Luke, they b.l.o.o.d.y well do.” He pulled himself unsteadily to his feet and staggered outside.

Chapter 16.

Katy watched Ben get up and go outside from across the room. He'd barely said two words to her the whole evening and she was getting sick of having to make awkward conversation with Matthew and Alison and even more sick of watching Matthew ma.s.sage Alison's swollen feet, even if he didn't look too happy about it. Alison's smug smile was getting to her in a way she couldn't bear to think about. She looked away, only to be confronted by the sight of Charlene and Luke locked in a snogathon. She stared at them as they kissed hungrily before partic.i.p.ating in some weird ear-biting ritual. When they surfaced for air Luke took Charlene's hand and led her to a seat. They both sat down and Luke put his arm around her and sat stroking her belly tenderly.

Ben had never stroked her belly. No, that was a lie, she realised. He had done once when she had first started to show. They had been watching a DVD one night and he'd leant over and in one of the most intimate moments they had ever had, he had nudged her top up and gently stroked her bare swollen belly. But it had been way too intimate for her. In her opinion that wasn't the relations.h.i.+p she had signed up for. They did laughing, they did fun, they did great s.e.x, they did ridiculous conversations way into the night, but they didn't do intimacy. She'd spent years using intimacy as her warning signal that she was in the potential heartbreak zone, so she had pushed his hand firmly away and got up to go and make a cup of tea.

Just as she was starting to wonder what the h.e.l.l she had been thinking the DJ's voice boomed over the loud speaker to introduce the next song.

”For all you lovers out there we have a seriously smoochy blast from the past requested by the mother of the bride herself. So come on you men, get those ladies on the floor and press some flesh.”

Katy shuddered at his turn of phrase then felt her entire body droop as she recognised the opening bars to the eighties. .h.i.t Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx. The dance floor filled instantly and she watched through blurry eyes as a sea of floral dresses squirmed against creased and sweaty blue and white s.h.i.+rts. The song had been a big hit in her first year at university and she remembered painfully how this song in particular had the power to reduce her to a quivering wreck post her break up with Matthew. As she sat there alone watching the love-fest sway in front of her eyes it reminded her far too closely of similar nights she had spent on the edge of the dance floor at the Student Union watching her friends copping off, as she pined for Matthew.

She realised with heart crus.h.i.+ng clarity that she didn't want to be the one sitting on her own at the edge of a dance floor anymore. And most certainly not at a wedding, nearly nine months pregnant. Actually, to her own amazement, what she really wanted was to be the one having her belly stroked, just like Charlene.

Just as she sensed that her thoughts were about to take a horrific downward spiral, Ben plunged into her eye line obliterating the picture of wedded bliss before her.

”Katy,” he said.

”Ben,” she replied.

He dragged his fingers through his untidy mop of hair whilst he looked around wildly as if at a loss as to what to say. Then he took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. If Katy had not have known him better she could have sworn he'd been crying.

”Please will you dance with me?” he finally asked, holding out a slightly shaky hand.

She was completely thrown. This couldn't be happening. Dancing was in Ben's top five least favourite activities along with cleaning up his own sick and eating quiche.

To her surprise he took her hand, pulled her out of her chair ever so gently and led her to the dance floor where he pulled her in close to his slightly sweaty body.

”Are you p.i.s.sed?” she asked cautiously.

”What makes you say that?'

”We've never slow danced before,” she said.

”Well, I just...” he began, before he engulfed her in a huge hug and breathed lager soaked fumes heavily in her ear.

”Oh Katy,” he murmured.

Katy hugged him back as hard as she could, wondering what this was leading to. Unable to stand the suspense she pushed him away to arms length and looked at him nervously.

”Ben, has something happened?” she asked.

Ben looked as if he actually might cry before he gave an enormous sniff and squared his shoulders.

”Yes Katy, it has. I have just realised I've been a p.r.i.c.k,” he said before pausing briefly for thought, ”Not that I have always been a p.r.i.c.k you understand,” he continued. ”In fact my previous record is somewhat p.r.i.c.kless I like to think. It's just recently I have found a certain apt.i.tude for it.”

”But it's my fault,” she said. ”I shouldn't have...”

”No you shouldn't,” he interrupted. ”In fact that does put us on a par on the p.r.i.c.k scorecard.”

”Well yes, but don't forget you always have a p.r.i.c.k in hand,” she couldn't help but reply. She was slipping into their normal banter mode which she realised always irritatingly happened when they should have been talking seriously.

”True, true, always useful I find,” he responded rather dejectedly.

The both looked at each awkwardly, hands clasped firmly between them.

Katy could stand it no longer; she had to find out what direction this conversation was taking.

”So, so... are we OK?” she asked cautiously.

”Yes,” he said, nodding seriously, his brow furrowed. ”Yes we are.”

Katy held her breath waiting for more but Ben appeared to be still processing thoughts behind a tormented looking face. Finally after a very long pause his face softened and a smile slowly started to appear. Katy allowed herself to breathe again and braced herself for Ben's next words.

”We're having a baby,” he said, almost as if it was the very first time he had actually taken it in, a slight look of amazement on his face.

”We are,” she said slowly. ”Is that OK?”

”It's f.u.c.king brilliant,” he replied, a watery but proud grin fully illuminating him at last. ”And I'm going to be a f.u.c.king brilliant dad,” he continued, now grinning from ear to ear.

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