Part 8 (1/2)
”Katy? The Katy? Bonus baby Katy?” interrupted Ian.
”Shut up Ian. That is so inappropriate.”
”Inappropriate? You can talk. You're looking at her t.i.ts.”
”They are not her real t.i.ts. Look, I'm in her office. I'll tell you why later but there is this sort of sculpture of her naked pregnant body.”
”Wow. Just give me a moment whilst I take in what you have just said,” said Ian.
The line went quiet.
”OK, I now have the scene in my head. Now concentrate, the next question is really important. Are you alone in the office?” asked Ian.
”Err yes. Katy didn't know I was coming so I'm waiting for her to finish in a meeting.”
”Good. So tell me. Have you?”
”Have I what?”
”You have haven't you?
”Have what?”
”You know. Had a quick squeeze of the t.i.ts.”
”No I have not,” said a shocked Matthew.
”Aw come on. No man alone in room with an inanimate object shaped like a naked woman is going to resist a quick grope.”
”Not all men are like you Ian.”
”Don't give me that. I just have the guts to say what everyone else is thinking,” said Ian. ”So come on. Don't you at least want to know if they feel different now that she's pregnant?”
Matthew peered over his shoulder to see if Louise was still sniffing around. Her chair was empty.
”Go on. Just a quick one for the boys Matthew. Are you a man or a machine? I'll never let you live it down if you don't,” continued Ian.
”Oh for goodness' sake,” said Matthew as he got up and strode over to the figure. ”I'm doing it OK? Satisfied now?” he barked down the phone as he cupped the left breast with his right hand.
”Oh totally and utterly,” purred a voice from the doorway.
”s.h.i.+t,” exclaimed Matthew, throwing his phone on the floor and pulling his hand away at lightning speed.
”Don't you think it's just marvellous,” continued the perfectly posed man, one hand on thrust out hip whilst the other leaned against the door frame. ”And to have such a fine specimen as yourself truly appreciate my handiwork is such a complement. I'm Daniel by the way. Creative genius behind the object of your admiration.”
”Hi. I'm Matthew. I'm so sorry, I was just er...”
”Matthew you say?” asked Daniel.
”Yes Matthew. I'm just waiting for Katy.”
”I see,” said Daniel, not hiding the fact that he was giving Matthew a good look up and down. ”I'm impressed,” he said finally. ”She never said you were so handsome.”
There was an awkward silence only interrupted by the sound of Ian squeaking from the phone lying somewhere on the floor.
”The brand manager for Crispy Bix is a complete and utter b.i.t.c.h,” said Katy as she swept past Daniel into her office.
She stopped in her tracks at the sight of Matthew still hovering next to her naked body.
”Matthew, what the h.e.l.l are you doing here?” she said glancing nervously between him, Daniel and the plaster cast.
”He was just admiring your baby shower present,” said Daniel with a smug smile. ”You see some people appreciate true art Katy.”
”No really, I wasn't doing anything,” said Matthew. ”I was just seeing what it was made of. Such an interesting texture. Yes, really interesting. You must tell me how you did it Daniel?”
”Actually he was touching your b.r.e.a.s.t.s,” Daniel told Katy. ”As if that didn't get him in enough trouble last time.”
”Daniel,” exclaimed Katy.
”So must dash. I have other meetings to gatecrash,” said Daniel. ”I shall speak to you later,” he said pointedly at Katy as he left.
Katy shut the door firmly behind him.
”My G.o.d, why on earth did you have to tell him?” asked Matthew, making his getaway from the proximity of the plaster cast and picking up his now silent phone.
”Well I had to talk to someone and despite appearances I know can trust him.”
”Really? Looked like your typical b.i.t.c.hy, gossipy gay guy to me,” said Matthew as he perched on the edge of the desk, causing the puffin to wobble alarmingly.
”Be careful of Gloria,” said Katy, leaping over to steady the bird.
”Gloria? It has a name? Why exactly have you got a stuffed puffin in your office Katy?”
”We stole her last night.”
”Who did?”
”Me and Ben and a couple of his mates.”
Matthew stared at her, saying nothing.
”What? What's the matter?” asked Katy.
Matthew found he couldn't get any words out.
”Matthew, why are you standing there with a disappointed look on your face?” Katy asked eventually whilst eyeing a copy of Gina Ford falling out of his briefcase.