Part 7 (1/2)
”Erm, can I say something,” interrupted Katy. ”I really don't want to spoil anything but aren't you forgetting something Ben?”
”What?” asked Ben leaning up again, brow furrowed.
”The baby.”
”Yeah, what about it?”
”It's due less than two weeks after the stag-do. Don't you think you should at least be in the country?” she said, hating herself for sounding like such a kill-joy.
Ben suddenly looked his age if not much, much younger. He pulled a face not unlike a small boy who had just had his toys taken from him for reasons he could not understand.
”She's right you know,” Rick finally said when Ben didn't respond. ”You've responsibilities now lad. It's coming to us all sooner or later. The minute that baby's born, that's it. No more Ben,” continued Rick, oblivious to Ben's growing distress. ”Footie? You can forget that for a start. Pub on the way home from work? No way my friend. Poker night? Disbanded until further notice.”
Katy willed Ben to say something but he was staring at Rick having turned quite pale.
”Having a baby isn't going to do that to us,” she said firmly, reaching over for Ben's hand. She turned to Rick. ”I just don't want Ben to miss the birth that's all. I'm not saying he's never going to be allowed out ever again.”
”Yeah right,” said Rick. ”Have you met any parents of young kids? Too knackered to even think of having any fun. I tell you there is no way me and Mel are having kids until we are at least thirty-five.”
Rick realised he had gone too far when Ben failed to produce a witty comeback. ”So anyway,” he said finally. ”Whatever happens, we are going to have a cracking night on my stag-do. Tell you what, why don't we go to the home of this fair ale?” he said, raising his gla.s.s. ”Och aye the noo, jimmy lad. Those scotch wee la.s.sies are in for a treat,” he said in a Scottish accent with curious hints of Indian and possibly Welsh.
Ben appeared to emerge from his troubled thoughts and shot Rick a grateful smile.
”Great idea,” he said finally, his face relaxing back into the usual cheery Ben formation. ”Who wants to go abroad anyway? Weak lager and foreign language music. I can stop at home and watch the Eurovision Song Contest and do that. I'll get on the internet tomorrow and get us a B&B somewhere.” He took a very long gulp of his pint, avoiding eye contact with Katy. Having drained his gla.s.s he slammed it down on the table. ”So we're all sorted,” he said. ”I'll go and get another round in shall I?” He stood up and strode off to the bar leaving Rick and Katy feeling rather awkward.
”Sorry Katy,” said Rick as soon as Ben was out of earshot. ”Didn't mean to depress you both. I guess it's just that the minute anybody I know has a kid I never see them again. They stop coming out. I'm just going to miss you guys that's all.”
Katy knew he was right. It was children that had all but extinguished most of her friends.h.i.+ps.
”That won't happen to us,” said Katy determined. ”We'll still come out, I promise.”
”You say that now,” said Rick, shaking his head.
Katy excused herself and got up to go to the toilet, unable to face Rick's slightly accusing glare and realising that two J2O's in quick succession wasn't a great idea given the current state of her bladder. This was all her fault, she realised as she struggled to wedge herself into the narrow toilet cubicle. She was the one who'd got pregnant and was ruining it for everyone. She'd swooped in and called last orders for Ben and his mates just like her friends had done to her when they got married and had kids. She remembered how she had resented them and there was no way she was going to do the same. This baby was not going to be a party p.o.o.per. No way.
She waddled back into the bar with renewed determination to find Ben looking much more relaxed, chatting away to Rick and Braindead.
”That's pathetic,” said Braindead. *We'll get much better stuff than that when we go away.”
”Rick was just telling us about Mel's hen-do last weekend,” said Ben. ”Apparently all she came back with was three sets of men's underpants.”
”Underpants,” exclaimed Katy. ”That's so tame. In my hen-do days I was the queen of stealing the perfect memento. My proudest achievements included a palm tree, a male mannequin and the entire set of ingredients for a doner kebab stolen from three different kebab shops including a full bottle of chilli sauce and a bowl of coleslaw.”
Rick and Braindead stared at Katy in silence.
”You did?” said Rick eventually.
”I don't believe you” said Braindead.
”Why not?” asked Katy.
”You're so... but you're so...” started Rick.
”So what?” asked Katy.
”I just can't imagine, looking at you now, you know in all your really smart career stuff, that you would do something so...” Rick paused lost for words.
”Cool,” said Braindead.
”Thanks very much guys. So I'm not cool then?” said Katy.
”No, that's not what I meant. I meant, so... so immature. You're just too sensible to do anything like that.”
Katy thought she might hit him there and then.
”Sensible,” she exclaimed. If ever there was a word that summed up her biggest fear at hitting her mid-thirties and the thought of becoming a mother, it was sensible.
”Me? Sensible?” she said again.
”Well,” said Rick starting to look a little uncomfortable, ”Since I've got to know you I have never known you do anything that silly. Maybe it was just what you were like when you were younger. Before we met you.”
Katy couldn't speak she was so horrified. So Rick thought that she must have got boring with age. She wasn't boring. She could still hold her own with the carefree and fun-loving twenty-something crowd. She wasn't past it yet. Even if she was pregnant.
She looked over at Ben for support. He obviously decided that he didn't want to get involved as he quickly stood up and kissed her on the forehead before announcing he was off to the gents.
Great, she thought, watching him walk away. Nice to hear some words of rea.s.surance. So they all thought they had the sole rights on being wild and crazy just because they were male and under thirty did they? She'd show them, she said to herself. She'd show them right now and wipe the smug, self-satisfied smiles off their faces. She looked around desperately for inspiration and caught sight of Gloria surveying the small pile of crisps that the ”oh so hilarious” Braindead had lain at her feet.
Perfect. She glanced over at Rick and Braindead who were now debating which beer to try next.
”Watch and learn,” she muttered quietly to herself. She took a deep breath and leaned forward, gripping the edge of the table really hard, enough to make her knuckles turn white. Then she let out a low groan. Rick and Braindead turned to look at her. She groaned again but louder this time, causing drinkers at the neighbouring tables to turn and stare.
”I told you that J2O is dodgy stuff,” said Braindead. ”Do you need the bathroom?” he said slowly and loudly, as if she had turned deaf.
Katy groaned again, this time really loud, and clutched her belly.
”f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k,” cried Rick, leaping up out of his chair, knocking it backwards on the floor. ”She's in f.u.c.king labour.”
”Aaaaaaaaaaaaah,” screamed Braindead as if he had seen a headless ghost. ”What the f.u.c.k do we do?” he said, grabbing his pint and downing it in one.
Katy groaned again, trying not to laugh. She grabbed Rick's arm, pulling him towards her.
”Not me Katy,” he shrieked. ”Braindead's much better in a crisis.”
She managed to drape herself around his neck, pressing her mouth right up to his ear.
”Steal the b.l.o.o.d.y puffin,” she hissed. ”Whilst I'm distracting everyone.” She withdrew to leave a visibly shaken Rick looking nervously around. She groaned again tugging wildly at his hand.