Part 14 (2/2)

'The fourth idea that has occurred toso to reward a man of merit for the injustice of society Whether you may already have experienced some disappointments of this nature, I will not pretend to deterht be preferred to you--however this may be, the plan is not unattended with risque, nor with so circumstances--and you may succeed, and yet be miserable: happiness depends not upon the abundance of our possessions

'The last case which I shall state, and on which I shall lay little coement of a very inferior nature--a ht here be adduced are too obvious to be repeated Besides, I think highly of your refine therefore just hinted, I leave it with you

'And now to conclude--After considering all I have urged, you may, perhaps, reply--That the subject is too nice and too subtle for reasoning, and that the heart is not to be compelled These, I think, are mistakes There is no subject, in fact, that ation and reasoning What is it that we desire--_pleasure_--_happiness_? I allow, pleasure is the supreood: but it may be analyzed--it must have a stable foundation--to this analysis I now call you! This is the criticalchain of events--This moment may decide your future destiny and mine--it may, even, affect that of unborn myriads! My spirit is pervaded with these important ideas--my heart flutters--I breathe with difficulty--_My friend_--_I would give ift is not worthless Pause a moment, ere you rudely throw from you an affection so tried, so respectable, so worthy of you! The heartsympathies which bind, with sacred, indissoluble ties, mind to mind! Do not prepare for yourself future remorse--when lost, you may recollect ret--Yet mistake me not, I have no intention to intimidate--I think it my duty to live, while I may possibly be useful to others, however bitter and oppressive h peace and enjoyment should be for ever fled You th, but, even, you cannot destroy my principles And, if no other motive with-held me from rash determinations, my tenderness for you (it is not a selfish tenderness), would prevent iven you, the cruel pang, of feeling yourself the occasion, however unintentionally, of the destruction of a fellow creature

'While I await your answer, I suth and spirits Say to me, in clear and decisive terms, that the obstacles which oppose ether, insuperable_--Or that there is a possibility of their removal, but that time and patience are, yet, necessary to determine their force In this case, I will not disturb the future operations of yourer than is proper and requisite--or frankly accept, and return, the faith of her to whom you are infinitely dearer than life itself!

'Early to-er shall call for the paper, which is to decide the colour of my future destiny

Every moment, that the blow has been suspended, it has acquired additional force--since it th, descend, it would be weakness still to desire its protraction--We have, already, refined too much--_I promise to live--more, alas! I cannot promise_

'_Farewel!_ dearest and most beloved of men--whatever , foreboding heart, repeats _farewel!_

'EMMA'

It would be unnecessary to paintthe interval in which I waited a reply to this letter--I struggled to repress hope, and to prepare my mind for the dissolution of a thousand air-built fabrics

The day wore tediously away in strong e, I sat, waiting the return of er, in a state of mind, difficult even to be conceived--I heard him enter--breathless, I flew to meet him--I held out my hand--I could not speak

'Mr Harley desired me to tell you, _he had not had time to write_'

Gracious God! I shudder, even now, to recall the convulsive sensation! I sunk into a chair--I sat for soth, returning to recollection, I wrote a short incoherent note, entreating--

'To be spared another day, another night, like the preceding--I asked only _one single line_! In theI had --another day, I could not answer for the consequences'

Again an interval of suspense--again er returned with a verbal reply--'_He would write to-, unpitying, man!_' A burst of tears relieved--no--_it did not relieve me_ The day passed--I know not how--I dare not recollect

The next th and spirits had procured ave a temporary firmness to my nerves 'What happiness (I repeated to ardless of s?' I composed nation to my fate--a half stupor!

At noon the letter arrived, coldly, confusedly written; ree of irritation in it

'_Another, a prior attachment_--His behaviour had been such, as necessarily resulted froement--unavoidable circumstances had prevented an earlier reply' My swollen heart--but it is enough--'He blamed my impatience--he would, in future, perhaps, when my mind had attained more composure, make some remarks on my letter'

CHAPTER VIII

To write had always afforded a temporary relief to my spirits--The next day I resumedupon, and co, many parts of your past conduct, you can acquit yourself, at the sacred bar of hued, with all the energy of truth and feeling--but in vain--such a letter as you have at length written--and, _even now_, though somewhat late, I thank you for it Yet, what could have been easier, than to repeat so plain and so siiven, I had repeatedly declared to be insufficient Remember, all my earnestness, and all my simplicity, and _learn the value of sincerity_! ”Oh! hat difficulty is an active mind, once forced into any particular train, persuaded to desert it as hopeless!”[12]

[Footnote 12: Godwin's Caleb Williams]

'This recital, then, was not to be confirmed, till the whole moral conformation of my mind was affected--till the barbed arrow had fixed, and rankled in, and poisoned, with its envenomed point, every vein, every fibre, of my heart This, I confess, is now the case--Reason and self-respect sustain me--but the wound you have inflicted _is indelible_--it will continue to be the corroding canker at the root of uish--and the summer of life will probably be overshadowed by a still thicker and darker cloud But I iven me to contribute to your happiness--the dearest and most ardent wish of my soul--I would not then inflict unnecessary pain--yet, I would fix upon your mind, the value of _unequivocal sincerity_