Part 57 (1/2)
”So you-Under Leshp?” Leshp?”
”Nossir! We didn't go down there! Stinking hole it was, too. Stunk of rotten eggs, the whole b.l.o.o.d.y cave, and as big as the city, believe me!”
”I bet you're glad you didn't go, then.”
n.o.bby looked relieved. ”That's right, sir.”
Vimes sniffed. ”Are you using some kind of aft-”-he corrected himself-”some kind of insteadofshave, n.o.bby?”
”No, sir.”
”Something smells of fermented flowers.”
”Oh, it's just a souvenir I picked up in foreign parts, sir. It kind of lingers, if you know what I mean.”
Vimes shrugged and went back into the Rats Chamber.
”-and I resent most strongly the suggestion that I would have negotiated with His Highness in the knowledge that...ah, Sir Samuel. The keys to the handcuffs, please.”
”You knew! You knew all the time!” Rust shouted.
”Is Lord Vetinari charged with anything?” said Vimes.
Mr. Slant was scrabbling through another volume. He looked quite fl.u.s.tered, for a zombie. His gray-green shade was distinctly greener.
”Not as such...” he muttered.
”But he will will be!” said Lord Rust. be!” said Lord Rust.
”Well, when you find out what it is you be sure and let me know, and I'll go and arrest him for it,” said Vimes, unlocking the handcuffs.
He was aware of cheering outside. Nothing stayed secret very long in Ankh-Morpork. The d.a.m.n island wasn't there anymore. And, somehow, it had all worked out.
He met Vetinari's eyes. ”Piece of luck for you, eh?” he said.
”Oh, there's always a chicken, Sir Samuel. If you look hard enough.”
The day turned out to be nearly as trying as war. At least one carpet made the flight from Klatch, and there was a constant stream of messages between the palace and the emba.s.sy. A crowd still hung around outside the palace. Things were happening, and even if they did not know what they were they weren't going to miss them. If any history was going to occur, they wanted to watch it.
Vimes went home. To his amazement, the door was answered by Willikins. He had his sleeves rolled up and was wearing a long green ap.r.o.n.
”You? How the h.e.l.l did you get back so quickly?” said Vimes. ”Sorry. I didn't mean to be impolite-”
”I inveigled myself onto Lord Rust's s.h.i.+p in the general confusion, sir. I did not wish to let things go to rack and ruin here. The silverware is frankly disgusting, I am afraid. The gardener does not have the least idea how to do it. Allow me to apologize in advance for the shocking condition of the cutlery, sir.”
”A few days ago you were biting people's noses off!”
”Ah, you must not believe Private Bourke, sir,” said the butler, as Vimes stepped in. ”It was only one nose.”
”And now you've hurried back to polish the silver?”
”It does not do to let standards slip, sir.” He stopped. ”Sir?”
”Yes?”
”Did we win?”
Vimes looked into the round pink face.
”Er...we didn't lose, Willikins,” he said.
”We couldn't let a foreign despot raise a hand to Ankh-Morpork, could we, sir?” said the butler. There was a slight tremble in his voice.
”I suppose not...”
”So it was right, what we did.”
”I suppose so...”
”The gardener was saying that Lord Vetinari put one over on the Klatchians, sir...”
”I don't see why not. He's done it with everyone else.”
”That would be very satisfactory, sir. Lady Sybil is in the Slightly Pink Drawing Room, sir.”
She was knitting inexpertly when Vimes came in, but rose and gave him a kiss.
”I heard the news,” she said. ”Well done.” She looked him up and down. As far as she could see, he was all there.
”I'm not sure that we won...”
”Getting you back alive counts as a win, Sam. Although of course I wouldn't say that in front of Lady Selachii.” Sybil waved the knitting at him. ”She's organized a committee to knit socks for our brave lads at the front, but it turns out you're back. And I haven't even worked out how to turn a heel yet. She's probably going to be annoyed.”
”Er...how long do you think my legs are?”
”Um...” She looked at the knitting. ”Do you need a scarf?”
He kissed her again.
”I'm going to have a bath and then something to eat,” he said.
The water was only lukewarm. Vimes had some hazy idea that Sybil thought that really hot baths might be letting the side down while there was a war on.
He was lying with his nose just above the surface when he heard, with the addition of that special gloinggloing gloinggloing sound that comes from listening with your ears underwater, some distant talking. Then the door opened. sound that comes from listening with your ears underwater, some distant talking. Then the door opened.