Part 26 (1/2)
She turned on her heel without another word.
Imzadi, he hurled at her bleakly.
She didn't even slow down as she walked... no, ran from him... up the stairs and out of sight.
Lwaxana regarded him steadily. There seemed no triumph in her eyes, he thought, which was odd.
”No, it's not odd, Lieutenant,” she replied to his unspoken thoughts. ”I'm not some ogress. Believe it or not... all I want is what's best for Deanna. Perhaps if you have children someday, you will realize that watching out for what's best is not something that brings a great deal of pleasure. Sometimes-at times such as this one-it's a responsibility filled with much pain. As a Starfleet officer... William... this should not be a particularly alien concept to you. You've promised to a.s.sume responsibilities that are not always going to be gratifying: obeying the orders of a superior, even when you disagree. Or staying your hand in the name of the Prime Directive, even when your sense of morals would have you do otherwise. Well, you don't have to be in Starfleet to face such difficult moments. Deanna's facing one such now... and so am I. And believe it or not, I take no joy in it. Because it's causing my daughter sorrow, and I hate having to do that. But we all face our responsibilities, Lieutenant. We do what we have to do. I know and accept that, as does Deanna. And now I think it's time that you faced up to that as well. Good day, Lieutenant.”
The door closed in his face.
CHAPTER 29.
The Scotch burned as it went down Riker's throat.
He had gotten it from Tang. The sergeant had seen Riker's bleak mood when the young Starfleet officer had returned from the Troi homestead and without a word had extracted the bottle from his private stock, offering it to Riker with the contention that it could make everything go down more smoothly... frustration, pain, hurt, whatever.
Riker stared at the bottle, then gripped it firmly by the neck. He had looked at Tang and asked, ”Are you interested in joining me?”
Tang had placed his hands behind his back and rocked on his heels thoughtfully. ”Frankly, sir,” he had said after a moment's thought, ”I don't think you'd want me there. There are times when a man just wants to get stinking drunk on his own.”
Riker had nodded. ”Sergeant, you're wise beyond your rank.”
”Thank you, sir. All part-”
”-of the service,” Riker had finished along with him.
Now Riker, alone in his quarters, poured himself another gla.s.s. He resisted the impulse to just swig it directly from the bottle. Somehow such action didn't seem remotely in keeping with Starfleet decorum. He was sure that somewhere, in some regulations book, he had read that rule one of being an officer was that an officer always drank from a gla.s.s.
He tossed back another shot and tried to remember what in h.e.l.l had gotten him so upset in the first place.
”Deanna,” he said out loud, and consequently reminded himself.
What in h.e.l.l had he been thinking of, anyway? Getting involved with a local that way. That kind of thing never led to anything but trouble. And not just involved, no. He'd actually had to go and get... feelings for her.
”Not feelings,” he muttered to himself, and tried to take consolation in that. Yes, that had to be it. He hadn't really felt anything for her. Not really. It had all been... been self-delusion. An attempt to convince himself that there was some sort of genuine love for her rattling around in that brain of his, because that was the only emotion that her type would accept before they would get to the really worthwhile part of a relations.h.i.+p. Yes, the worthwhile part, which was... which was...
He frowned. ”What was the worthwhile part again?” he said.
The door chimed.
Riker tapped his communicator. ”Riker here.” He waited for a response.
The door chimed again.
Again Riker tapped his comm unit. ”Riker here,” he said with growing irritation.
”Will?” came the voice of Wendy Roper through the door.
”Speak up, Wendy,” he told the communicator. ”We have a lousy connection.”
”Will, I want to see you.”
He shrugged. ”Sure. Come on over.”
The door slid open and Wendy entered. Riker blinked in surprise. ”That was fast.”
Wendy didn't quite understand what he was talking about, but didn't pretend to. ”I heard you were upset about something, Will.”
”Nonsense!” he declared, rising slowly to his feet. ”Do I sound upset?”
”No. Actually, you sound drunk.”
”Drunk!” said Riker indignantly. ”That, young woman. is an ugly rumor, spread by people I've tripped over.”
She giggled slightly at that. ”Well, if you are drunk, at least you're funny about it. Daddy sticks mostly to Synthehol when he drinks.”
”Synthehol!” sniffed Riker. ”That stuff's for infants! You'll never catch me drinking that Ferengi garbage.”
He circled his room, taking slow and steady steps that were a bit exaggerated. Without any preamble, he turned to Wendy and said. ”She wasn't even that good-looking!”
”Who?”
”Her! Her... her nose was too long. And her mouth was too wide. And... and her cheekbones were too high. Frankly... she was ugly.”
”Her who?”
”Someone I knew. Or thought I knew.” He dropped down onto the edge of the bed and stared off into s.p.a.ce for a moment. Wendy sat next to him, waiting for him to say something else.
”You know,” he said after a time, ”you got in your head this... this picture of the way you think things are going to go. And they never match up. Nothing ever turns out the way you think it's going to.”
”I know how that is.”
He looked at her. ”You do?”
”Of course I do. Fate's always kicking you in the teeth.”
”But why me?”
”Not just you.” She almost laughed at the persecuted look on his face. ”Everyone. I've had my share of busted romances. And my dad-well, how do you think he took it when my mom died?”
”Not well?”
”Not well at all. He was wrecked up about it. But just because fate kicks you in the teeth doesn't mean you have to grin and give him more targets. You fight back, that's all. You just let him know that you're not going to take it. You're just not.”
”She didn't understand,” said Riker bleakly. ”I thought she did, but she didn't. She can't see anything beyond this... this lousy little planet. A whole galaxy of opportunity, and she's got her head buried in the sands of Betazed...”