Part 10 (1/2)

Licking my lips, I made a tight smile. ”I wasn't aware you were looking for me.”

Eyes still s.h.i.+ning, his smile grew wider. ”Dinner was amazing. You didn't tell me you could cook.”

There were a lot of things he didn't know about me, even if cooking was a recent development. Had he taken the time to really get to know the person behind the eager smiles, he might have liked me more. Of course, that was before, and well, this was the present. There was no turning back for us.

”Thank you. I was glad it turned out edible.” I laughed it off, but I was grateful he had sought me out just to thank me. Spaghetti and meatb.a.l.l.s might have been easy, but for a newbie like me, it was challenging, and I was glad the meatb.a.l.l.s had come out very tasty.

He merely made a nod, watching me with soulful eyes.

”Do you mind if I walk with you?” he finally rasped out, seeming nervous and unsure of himself. ”It's dark, and you're all alone. It doesn't sit well with me thinking that something bad could happen to you.”

He was being overprotective, nothing more. It would be stupid of me if I thought more of his offer than what it was. Well, I didn't want to, because if I did, that would lead me to another place I had vowed not to go, not anymore.

”Thank you, but I'm fine. It's not like I don't know my way around here. I do live like a block away from here, so there's no need to freak out.”

Hurt etched all over his face. ”Amber-”

”Brody,” I interjected, knowing full well where he was going again; his face said it all. ”Please, let's not. There's no point at all.”

”Don't say that. We both know we barely even began, so don't say things like that. You keep saying it's too late, but I don't believe you,” he said as he stepped closer before the back of his hand caressed the side of my face, lifting my chin with this finger and connecting our eyes. ”All of that aside, I just want to say I'm sorry for everything. I was selfish, and my actions caused me to hurt you.”

f.u.c.k... ”There's no need for that. I knew what I was getting myself into. You can't apologize for that.”

”But I do,” he persistently whispered. ”I'm sorry.”

”Brody.” I was about to state another argument, but much to my astonishment, a punis.h.i.+ng kiss came out of nowhere, shocking me to the core, leaving me breathless and yearning for more of his lips, his touch. His kiss began like a love affair-rushed, inflamed, and pa.s.sionate-before s.h.i.+fting to a much softer, too intimate, soul-reaching kind of kiss.

No one had ever kissed me like that before. It was meant to mark your heart, the very core of your existence. It was a kiss that was going straight to the memory bank to be savored and cherished when I was old and gray. Then I would look back at my life and reflect on how lucky I was to have had this extraordinary experience, even if it was merely a short while.

Breaking away from my lips, he left a tiny kiss then another before delving back into my mouth for a soul-searching one, tipping me over the edge.

”I don't know what's happening to me, Amber, but it's f.u.c.king with me. I can't stop thinking about you.”

f.u.c.k. What was he trying to say? Oh, G.o.d. I was about to have a major freak out. I had longed for this moment to happen, and now that it felt like it was almost there, I wasn't sure what to do. How could I shut down someone I had loved for so long? How could I even fathom denying us a chance?

”I don't know if I'm ready for this,” I reluctantly said, still having a hard time grasping everything that was happening between us. ”You have no idea how much I wanted this before...” But now that it's here, I'm not sure what to do.

He tensed, knowing full well I was serious. ”So you're saying you don't want it now? That you're not even willing to give it a thought, a consideration?”

”I honestly don't know what I want.” My statement was as honest as it could get. It wasn't as if I was dancing around his question, but to be openly rejected by him and still cling on then get rejected time and time again ... Well, that took a toll on my confidence and sanity.

He seemed to have a difficult time finding his voice, but after the second time of clearing his throat, it seemed he found it. ”I antic.i.p.ated some reservations coming from you, but never this. I thought you'd be happy about this. I didn't expect you to react this way.”

He had a point, and I couldn't blame him if he was a little miffed. If Trista was here, she would have thought I had lost my mind. I hadn't, though. In fact, I thought I had just found it.

”I hope you don't think this is my way of punis.h.i.+ng you after all these years. It would be crus.h.i.+ng if you did.”

”That sure is one way to look at it. I was f.u.c.ked up and too caught up with Lindsey to pay attention to anyone. I guess this is the perfect revenge to f.u.c.k me up.”

”Revenge? Don't be stupid. I'm not like that at all. Well, not with you, anyway.”

How could he even think such a thing? It wasn't like I was rejecting him. I loved him for Pete's sake. Regardless, his intentions came at a bad time, and to be honest, I didn't trust him to be loyal. The only time I saw him commit to anyone was when he took Lindsey seriously. But I wasn't kidding myself. I sure wasn't Lindsey, so h.e.l.l, the chances of him straying and cheating were highly likely.

”Don't be angry with me. I'm just being honest with you. I hope you can appreciate that.”

”Oh, I do appreciate it, all right,” he remarked snidely. ”I just didn't expect this from you when I feel so strongly about you ... It's mind-f.u.c.king for me, too.”

He was mind-f.u.c.ked? Great, because I was feeling the same way. Besides, it wasn't as if I could really buy this bulls.h.i.+t now, could I? For a moment there, I might have.

”Maybe it's just a phase since Carter happened. Maybe it'll go away soon now that he's gone for a while.”

Brody's face darkened. ”Like a switch, you mean?” He snorted. ”Like I can shut it down whenever I feel like it?”

I shrugged.

Since he thought I had been with Carter for a fun tumble, I was sure he was just acting like a typical male-territorial and all. It wasn't anything special. It was simply about s.e.x. He wasn't ever going to love me the way he loved Lindsey, so wishful thinking or not, I best get the f.u.c.k over it.

”Do you mind if I join? You two sure look cozy. Unless, of course, this is a private conversation. In that case, I don't want to b.u.t.t in,” Joanna suddenly said, startling us. Then she wiggled her barely covered a.s.s audaciously, making it hard not to snort and roll my eyes at how annoyingly obvious she was being in her attempt to get Brody's attention. Knowing how he was with women, I was certain he noticed everything that was on offer, bikini and all.

A part of me wanted to pity her. She was just going to end up heartbroken like I was, but another side of me became jealous and territorial, leaving me more annoyed than before.

Addressing Joanna, I directed a glacial look at her. ”We're just talking. You and your b.u.t.t are both more than welcome plug in to our conversation.”

Joanna giggled, feeling as if invited, even though all I wanted to do was to scratch her eyes out. At this rate, there was no point in hanging around, because I was sure this woman would try to get Brody's undivided attention. I wouldn't even put it past her to offer a skinny dip in the ocean so she could freely bounce her b.o.o.bs as she splashed herself against the waves. It was a typical move, one I had tried before.

Weighing my options, I decided to watch them interact. Like any normal man, Brody liked the attention he was getting, most especially since she seemed to be giving off the green light. I mean, seriously, Joanna was basically waving a white flag, ready to be saddled up and taken for a good ride.

Much as I liked to hate on her and her direct approach when it came to men, I couldn't help feeling insecure that she could easily do whatever she wanted without shame, while it took me years to have the gall to even flirt with Brody. That was the difference between women like her and myself-the go-getter and the no-confidence, insecure type. Women like me would always lose because we didn't have the b.a.l.l.s to go in for the kill.

With that realization in mind, watching them interact made me nauseas. I felt as if my stomach was being fueled with gasoline before someone decided to light the match and blast it on fire.

Then my phone began to ring, breaking through my dire thoughts. Reluctantly taking my phone out, the least person I had expected to contact me had seemingly come out of the woodwork just to f.u.c.k up my night.

Hey, sweets. Wanna party tonight? The fun is on me as long as you bring your sweet lips.

What the f.u.c.k! How f.u.c.king dare Rob? I seriously wanted to hurl things at him, hurt him, and gut him alive. Did he not know the kind of s.h.i.+t I had to go through after he took advantage of me? And here he was, texting me as if nothing horrible had happened, as if everything was fine. What the flipping f.u.c.k!

My eyes blurred as I shut my phone off, unwilling to receive any more s.h.i.+t from Rob tonight. On the verge of tears, I made a quick excuse to leave, but Brody wasn't having it.

”Where are you going, Amber?”

”Somewhere,” I mumbled out, loathing the fact that he seemed to want to know where I was going most of the time these days.

”Wait up a sec-”