Part 9 (1/2)

Also during those times, I barely conversed with Cooper and Brody. I didn't want to give myself away. They knew me too well, and if I was giving off the explanation of jetlag, I had to stretch it for as long as I could. It wasn't until the sixth day, the day after I got the clean bill of health, that I decided it was time to get out of the room and stop living in the shadows. I had to face my fears, come what may.

I could recall Trista getting through her terror before by consistently trying to distract herself, always on the go instead of wallowing in the past. As painful as it was, trying to get through day by day was a big step after the kind of trauma I had gone through with Rob. Maybe someday I would get the strength to really confront him the way I wanted to-without fear and without him making me feel as though I didn't have the right to question anything that happened between us.

Upon deciding it was time to come out of hiding, I set out after taking a long, hot shower to have a light breakfast. I wasn't sure if the fridge or pantry was stocked with food, but I would double check that before I went to the grocery store and did some shopping.

”Good morning,” Brody greeted me the second I breezed into the kitchen area, and I was a little shocked to find him there.

”You're up early.” Directing him a pleasant smile, I paved my way towards the freshly made pot of coffee, helping myself to a cup.

”I've been up early for the past five days, hoping you'd come out and eat something.” He cleared his throat while I took my time pouring milk and sugar into my java. ”Are you ready to talk about what's been bugging you?”

d.a.m.n. He was that vigilant? Impressive.

Pausing, I took a lengthy breath before stirring the contents in my coffee. ”Not really.” Not yet, not when everything was too fresh and the wounds still raw.

While he sat at the kitchen bar, I chose to stand opposite him, close to the sink. I was ready to talk about anything else, perhaps Carter's exciting new opportunity, but Brody was more interested in keeping the present subject alive.

”Listen, I know I was being a d.i.c.k the last time we spoke here in the kitchen. I don't want you to think you're not welcome here, because you are.” He sought my eyes, seeming really concerned about me. ”And if you have any reservations about it, Carter made sure to lecture us before he left, telling us that we'd answer to him if something bad happened to you.”

”He said that?” That was a nice of Carter. It really was, and it was going to take some time to get used to.

”Yeah, he did.” Pressing his lips together, his eyes seemed to probe further into me. ”Are you all right?” he asked.

G.o.d, if he only knew. I wished I could just let all of my grievances out, but given that my relations.h.i.+p with Brody was complicated already, it felt like he wouldn't be the right person to speak with about it ... if I did ever decided to talk about it.

Holding my cup against my lips, I shook my head before I took a sip, hoping I wasn't going to start tearing up in front of him or having a full-blown meltdown.

”In time, I just might be.”

”You're still not angry with me, are you? I'm sorry. It's just been tough, you know.”

”I'm not mad.” Not about him...

”Good,” he reluctantly said before adding, ”I was actually wondering if you'd like to come out for dinner tonight.”

I almost spat the coffee out of my mouth as I stared widely at him, perplexed, while he appeared a little impish from the word date.

”Are you asking me on a date?” I cautiously asked, wondering if I had heard him right or if I had taken his intentions differently. I mean, if he was asking me on a date ... Well, that would be monumental given that he never had. Everything we had done after he had dated Lindsey was, well, kept in secret. This was a first.

”I guess, if you put it that way, yeah, I'm asking you out on a date. What's the harm, you know? Good company, delicious food, and some great laughs.”

”I would love to...” I trailed off, wanting to desperately feel some sort of excitement from this new development from Brody. How long had I been waiting for this moment? How often had I imagined and dreamed of this over and over again? I had done it countless times, and now that it was here, I felt numb inside. I couldn't even sum up a decent, heartfelt smile.

”But...?” he pressed on, quickly picking up on my vibes. ”I feel as if there's a but coming.”

”I just can't, not right now.” Maybe never.

Before this thing with Rob, I had promised to move on. I couldn't back down on that, either, even if something wretchedly vile had happened to me. I had to keep going forward, no matter how hard it was. I had to keep moving, or I would be forever stuck, stalling in this dark void that was my life.

My refusal didn't seem to go well with him. ”What do you mean, you can't? Are you really dating Carter? Is that why you're refusing me?”

He was getting aggravated, but I intended to keep my cool and composure. I wasn't going to crack because he was starting to see me differently.

f.u.c.k. Carter. s.h.i.+t. Sorry, buddy, but I have to do this. Hope you understand. I sent a silent prayer as tried to match his serious gaze.

”Yeah, I like him very much.”

”It's like that, huh?” he uttered through his teeth, displeased.

My eyes didn't waver as he and I fought it out. It felt as if he was waiting for me to fess up my lies. I could feel his frustration and anger, but I wasn't going to fold under his scrutiny, even though I thought the world of him.

”I'm curious to know; does he know you're in love with me?” he spat out, unblinking.

”Really, Brody!” I hissed like he just burned me. ”f.u.c.k off!”

”Don't bite my head off, Amber. I'm being serious!” He slipped from his chair and began to stand, as if his tall height could be used to intimidate me.

”Well, so am I!” I pa.s.sionately shot back, almost slamming the coffee cup on the counter. ”What I felt for you is not that important, not anymore.”

”Like h.e.l.l it isn't. He's my best friend; it f.u.c.king matters.”

Point taken. However, he wasn't going to get anything from me. I wasn't going to melt and thaw from his intense look. I had made up my mind where he was concerned. And even though I was glad he was trying to reach out at my weakest point, nothing had really changed. He was still in love with Lindsey. Nothing could ever change that.

”Just drop the subject, Brody-”

”I will if you go out with me tonight.”

Letting out a deep, guttural growl, I pleaded with him. ”I can't. I'm just not ... I'm not ready. Everything's too complicated.”

He immediately became silent, eyeing me as though he was seeing me for the first time. ”Okay,” he finally whispered.

Uh, how could he change his tune that quickly? He was confusing me.

”I'm going to let this subject go, for now.” He made sure to emphasize his point. ”But rest a.s.sured, I'm not giving up on you. Think whatever you like, Amber, but you and I have history, and I'm going nowhere until we settle this unfinished business.” With those parting words, he left me with my mouth semi-hanging ajar.

For the first time, Brody had left me speechless, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

Chapter Seventeen.

After our heated exchange in the kitchen, I didn't see Brody for the rest of the day. I wasn't sure if that was intentional or not, but whatever it was, I was grateful for the short reprieve to do some food shopping.

My first stop was Whole Foods then Trader Joes. The guys' staples at the house were bread, beer, apples, and bananas. Oh, let's not forget coffee and milk. Apart from those, the fridge was practically bare of food yet fully stocked with imported beers.

If there was something I could do to help out in the house, I could at least try my hand in cooking. Although I wasn't the best of cooks, I wasn't against purchasing some cookbooks and starting out with simple dishes, so I made sure to have a good selection of protein, veggies, and fruits.